Anonymous wrote:My husband contacted an ex from 28 years ago who he always describes as the woman he was in love with. They met for dinner when he was overseas in her city. He had not told me he was meeting her and they met for a few hours. When I confronted him, he said she is just a part of his past and he is not interested a romantic relationship with her. He says he married me not her, but it makes me very uncomfortable that he feels the need to stay in touch. Her daughter is in town and he is meeting her for coffee. It all seems odd to me and I don't know how he can continue this knowing it makes me uncomfortable. I am not in contact with past serious boyfriends.

Very odd if you are not invited.

My DH had a high school gf who used to talk about a particular business she’d like to do some day. At one point I said “I wonder if she ever did that?” And we tried searching for her and found a website that appeared to be hers (the author used a pseudonym but it was something like her middle name and her mother’s name and a very particular business idea.) The author also lives in the small city that the HS gf went to college in. Anyway, he clicked on the “contact me” link and said something like “is this Kate? If yes, this is Steve and I came across your website. I’m so happy you got to start your business that you used to dream about. How cool! My wife and I continue to stay happy and busy with our daughters. Please say hi to your family. It’s been years!”

Her reply was “nope; not me. Never met a Steve”

It was super odd and left me wondering why she replied at all. We still assume it is in fact her.

Yeah. My first boyfriend, which also happened to be a serious college bf. I ended the relationship pretty poorly back then. The best I can say is that it seemed at the time like we were headed towards marriage down the road and i felt like I needed other experiences — he was also from my home town. But of course I probably wasn’t honest about any of that - I didn’t know what I wanted at the time. Then I behaved pretty poorly and selfishly after that. Had a bunch of short relationships / hookups and sort of expected him to continue being in my life while I explored. He humored me for a bit but then probably got fed up and was done. It’s been 20 years. I’ve reached out a few times to quite chilly reception and it makes me a little sad I was such an ass to someone I cared a lot about. I’m Now married with kids. Hope I am a much kinder and less selfish person to my amazing DH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Female- Happily married for 16 yrs. I plan to reach out to my ex bf when I go back home to visit. Haven't seen him 16 years, haven't talked in 6.

I have seen his parents a couple of times when I have gone back home, having dinner with them, my kids and DH.

My ex bf married a bit of a nut, it sounds like unfortunately and she is jealous even of his family (per his mum). So I wasn't surprised when I reached out to him 6 yrs ago to see if he and his DW wanted to have dinner/hang out with us and he said he'd check with her and I didn't hear back.

He was a really sweet guy and I hope he's having a great life. We dated for 12 years so we were really good friends but I knew something else was out there for me and then I met DH. I really just want to say hi/thank him for being a great guy. As my daughters and son grow up I really think about him a lot in terms of "He was a wonderful first love. I hope they find people in their lives who were as wonderful/amazing/trustworthy and as caring with their hearts".

I think this is nice that you have such good feelings towards but, tbh, I can't imagine asking my husband to hang out with my ex boyfriend and my ex boyfriend's wife. That just seems so incredibly....awkward.....no matter how great you think your ex was/is. I don't think I'd want to hang out with one of dh's ex girlfriends, either.

Then we are definitely different people. It’s not important enough to me to have forced it if my husband did not like the idea, but he had no issue. Likewise, I get a kick out of running into anyone who used to be a part of his life. I dated this guy from high school on, so his parents were really like parents to me. Interestingly, I told DH how much his parents reminded me of my ex-boyfriend’s parents and then when he met them he completely agreed. Just really kind, fun, positive people. DH had a couple relationships that did not end well so he cringes at the thought of spending any time with those exes. And I totally get that.

Anonymous wrote:For all those feeling guilty about what happened with an ex and wanting to reach out to make amends - don't.
Your unexpected and in most cases unwanted intrusion into someone's life long after they've moved on from the pain you caused is a selfish mindset and odds are you'll only end up opening old wounds not help heal them.
Leave the past where it belongs - in the past - and clear your conscience by being a better person and not hurting others going forward in your life.

Wish my ex girlfriend had followed this advice.

Anonymous wrote:My husband contacted an ex from 28 years ago who he always describes as the woman he was in love with. They met for dinner when he was overseas in her city. He had not told me he was meeting her and they met for a few hours. When I confronted him, he said she is just a part of his past and he is not interested a romantic relationship with her. He says he married me not her, but it makes me very uncomfortable that he feels the need to stay in touch. Her daughter is in town and he is meeting her for coffee. It all seems odd to me and I don't know how he can continue this knowing it makes me uncomfortable. I am not in contact with past serious boyfriends.

He’s meeting her daughter?
You sure it’s not his daughter.

My husband contacted an ex from 28 years ago who he always describes as the woman he was in love with. They met for dinner when he was overseas in her city. He had not told me he was meeting her and they met for a few hours. When I confronted him, he said she is just a part of his past and he is not interested a romantic relationship with her. He says he married me not her, but it makes me very uncomfortable that he feels the need to stay in touch. Her daughter is in town and he is meeting her for coffee. It all seems odd to me and I don't know how he can continue this knowing it makes me uncomfortable. I am not in contact with past serious boyfriends.

Male. It's happened a lot. I got married in college and divorced at 30. This was back when Facebook would announce that you changed your relationship status.

One ex called me to see if it was true. She'd tried to hook up when I was married, but I shot that down. Since I was divorced, we went for it. We hooked up a few times over the next couple of years, but I broke it off when she wanted to get serious.

The very first woman I dated after my divorce sent me a handwritten letter three years after we broke up saying she wanted closure. It was weird. She now lives out of state, so we're limited to phone conversations periodically.

Another woman sends me messages on Facebook every year for my birthday. We talk for about a week through Messenger and then don't speak again for a while.

I just recently got a friend request from the woman I dated in college before I got married. I haven't accepted yet because we ended on bad terms.

My ex wife has also asked if I'd be interested in trying again, but I said no.

For all those feeling guilty about what happened with an ex and wanting to reach out to make amends - don't.
Your unexpected and in most cases unwanted intrusion into someone's life long after they've moved on from the pain you caused is a selfish mindset and odds are you'll only end up opening old wounds not help heal them.
Leave the past where it belongs - in the past - and clear your conscience by being a better person and not hurting others going forward in your life.

My husband's ex reaches out every few years. She was horrible to him, cheated on him, refused contact with the kids. She will text one or both of us to see how we are. Its really uncomfortable. Why couldn't she be nice all the years she needed him to be for the kid sake? We respond and after a few texts she leaves us alone.

Just don't. Leave the person alone.