Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. He would still be legally responsible for the child. Then there are the emotional issues. Would he consider this his child? Would the child consider him the father? Your friend was very selfish with this request. But, she probably thought she had nothing to lose by asking. She trusts you very much to make a request like this.

That's not actually true. When you donate you sign legal agreements relinquishing custody. If the donor does a directed donation through a fertility clinic that creates another layer of legal distance. As someone with a donor-conceived child, I don't think this an outrageous idea, but I do think you need to be fully on board. I'm friends with a couple, the husband donated sperm to another family (two women). It's worked out fine for them and the donor and his wife act as not very involved aunt and uncle to the child. If you did want to consider moving forward, you should talk to an established LGBTQ family lawyer. If your husband donated through a fertility clinic, you would probably be required to participate in a counseling session with a social worker before the clinic would sign off (this is a requirement in Maryland). Donating sperm is a big deal and should be a careful decision, but there is a lot of misinformation on this board.

OP, if you and your husband decide this isn't for you, your friend can buy donor sperm through a sperm bank, so you are not ruining her chance to have a child. It might be worth talking to her about why she wants a known donor rather than an anonymous or donor ID donor (someone willing to be known to the child once they reach 18).

In past cases, if the donor is known to the recipient (i.e., it is not anonymous), and has some sort of relationship with the recipient and especially (eventually) the child, then he could be on the hook for child support.

Let's say the OP's friend decides she is short of cash and decides to come after the OP's DH for child support. She might lose, but do you even want to run the risk of having to fight that fight?

Anonymous wrote:I say it’s fine. And as how he donates, may I suggest direct deposit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We grew up together and have been best friends since we were in grade school. She has been with me through thick and thin. She had a few bad relationships and a marriage that ended badly. I am happily married with two beautiful kids and a loving husband. DH is very successful and extremely intelligent. She admires him and DH and I both consider her a family. We are also reaching that age when our biological clock is ticking and she has been seriously thinking of finding a sperm donor. She has recently asked me if I’d be okay if DH is the donor. I am conflicted, WWYD?

Your friend is sick. That’s just really sick. She needs professional counseling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure you're a troll, just from how you worded all that, but the answer is that I would say no.

Gah! I fall for this crap every time.

Seems like someone just watched The Big Chill again.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. He would still be legally responsible for the child. Then there are the emotional issues. Would he consider this his child? Would the child consider him the father? Your friend was very selfish with this request. But, she probably thought she had nothing to lose by asking. She trusts you very much to make a request like this.

No, he wouldn’t necessarily. We are a married lesbian couple who used a known donor - he’s gay and doesn’t want kids of his own. We planned and discussed logistics for years, and I’ve adopted both children so he has no legal rights whatsoever. But we had court visits and meetings with social workers and other hurdles all the way. A hard no given your situation.

Anonymous wrote:We grew up together and have been best friends since we were in grade school. She has been with me through thick and thin. She had a few bad relationships and a marriage that ended badly. I am happily married with two beautiful kids and a loving husband. DH is very successful and extremely intelligent. She admires him and DH and I both consider her a family. We are also reaching that age when our biological clock is ticking and she has been seriously thinking of finding a sperm donor. She has recently asked me if I’d be okay if DH is the donor. I am conflicted, WWYD?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. He would still be legally responsible for the child. Then there are the emotional issues. Would he consider this his child? Would the child consider him the father? Your friend was very selfish with this request. But, she probably thought she had nothing to lose by asking. She trusts you very much to make a request like this.

That's not actually true. When you donate you sign legal agreements relinquishing custody. If the donor does a directed donation through a fertility clinic that creates another layer of legal distance. As someone with a donor-conceived child, I don't think this an outrageous idea, but I do think you need to be fully on board. I'm friends with a couple, the husband donated sperm to another family (two women). It's worked out fine for them and the donor and his wife act as not very involved aunt and uncle to the child. If you did want to consider moving forward, you should talk to an established LGBTQ family lawyer. If your husband donated through a fertility clinic, you would probably be required to participate in a counseling session with a social worker before the clinic would sign off (this is a requirement in Maryland). Donating sperm is a big deal and should be a careful decision, but there is a lot of misinformation on this board.

OP, if you and your husband decide this isn't for you, your friend can buy donor sperm through a sperm bank, so you are not ruining her chance to have a child. It might be worth talking to her about why she wants a known donor rather than an anonymous or donor ID donor (someone willing to be known to the child once they reach 18).

Anonymous wrote:No. He would still be legally responsible for the child. Then there are the emotional issues. Would he consider this his child? Would the child consider him the father? Your friend was very selfish with this request. But, she probably thought she had nothing to lose by asking. She trusts you very much to make a request like this.