Anonymous wrote:What’s the problem?

+1

So... they care about you and you send a 5-second text?

Op, I think you say, at the time, "I'm not going to do that. I love you, Mom!"

Do that 2x and they aren't going to ask again.

Don't infantilizing aging parents trust that their adult dd is under protection if she's married?

Lives alone

Things change, OP. I now make my recently widowed 80 year old mom call me the minute she arrives home - from my house, 1/2 hour away!

She now loves alone and will email or call one of her adult children to let us know her whereabouts. Recently, one Saturday morning one sibling became concerned when Mom didn’t answer her phones. I got called it didn’t know where she was and didn’t recall her telling me, either. Mom called us back shortly thereafter - she was getting her hair done.

I recently went on a cross-country trip. At a certain point, I left my family (brother, SIL, niece, mom and dad) and went to the airport and flew home. I got home at 1am.

As I unpacked, I realized nobody had asked if I got home safe. Nobody would have known if the Uber driver kidnapped or killed me. Nobody cared.

Anonymous wrote:I find this really annoying too. I go on a million car trips a year, and THIS ONE is the one I have to text you about? It feels ... controlling and disrespectful that you’re an adult.

I will never stop being amazed at the things that get DCUMers’ panties in a bunch.

Anonymous wrote:I think when you agree to do this you add to their anxiety and paranoia. I would refuse.

This is really stupid advice.

I don't like gifts. It's just stuff and adds to clutter of crap, and it's more about the gift giver, than me as a receiver. But I always acknowledge one and say "thank you" because it's the nice, polite thing to do, and I recognize that thought it is not my way of telling someone I care about them, it is meant well by the gift giver, and it is their way to show love/caring/kindness.

Send the "I got home fine, thanks!" text. It's just polite. It's not about anxiety or paranoia, it's just the way that other people show that they care.

My mom still wants to know my flight numbers. It's annoying but I oblige because I only fly a few times a year and because she's emotionally unwell.

Anonymous wrote:It takes so much more time, effort and mental energy to stew over this and write a long-ass post and follow up to read the replies than it does to text: "Home safe! Thanks for a great visit."

This..

Does your mom do the guilt/shame thing too?

They just want to know that you've arrived safely. Is it really that hard to text saying you're home?

Anonymous wrote:DH and I recently vacationed with my sibling, about a two-hour drive away. Both my mom and MIL asked me to text when I arrived, so they would know. When we left at the end of our visit, my sibling asked me to text when I got home. I am 40. I was traveling with DH during the day, not alone or at night.

I usually ignore this kind of stuff but the multiple requests (and one follow-up when I didn't actually text) really shone a light on it. Is there a better way to handle this?

Yes, the best way to handle it is just to send a quick text. If someone follows up with you on it, just say sorry, forgot to text, thanks for the visit. I mean, you can choose to put your time and energy into whatever you want, so if you decide that getting mad about this is worth it, then go ahead. But usually it's easier to just respond and then let it go.

I think when you agree to do this you add to their anxiety and paranoia. I would refuse.

Anonymous wrote:It’s awful they care so much about you. Just terrible.

+1. Consider yourself lucky if this is the only thing you have to post about on this forum.