My parents and my in-laws visit us WAY more than we visit them (we haven't been to DH's hometown in probably 3-4 years - but we do go on a vacation for a week with them elsewhere each year and we go to my parent's once a year for about a week). They are all in their early 70s. They just know we have young kids, busy jobs and it's hard for us to get away. They each probably come 3-4x/ year to us.

We have a very private and comfortable guest room which probably helps. But they are super nice and thoughtful and I'm thankful for that.

OP, I am so sorry to hear about your child's death. Honestly, that alone entitles you to whatever you want in my book. I would have so much more understanding for you than someone else (like myself) trying to navigate the relationships with grandparents.

All that said, my dad would like nothing better than to be constantly visiting us, which involves him driving (9 hours each way), and spending his time with his grandkids. My mom would rather travel the world and only visit occasionally. It is what it is. They were wonderful parents to me. We see them about 4 times a year - they come to us 3 times a year and we visit once, since we also have family in three additional countries that we try to visit annually as well.

Big hugs to you. Don't take it personally and enjoy them to the extent possible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares. I would love your setup. A handful of times? Try them asking to come over before they’ve even left the house from the last visit.

I care for a lot of reasons including that my first child died at the age of 2.5 years, so I’m very aware of the fragility of life and how much time we have (or don’t have with loved ones), and my children love seeing and spending time with their grandparents. I grew up less than 10 minutes from both sets of my grandparents, so I saw them frequently and we never had to worry about “travel” for visits. I know and respect that visits with family can be challenging, but it can also be really wonderful. I guess i’m just struggling with the idea that my in-laws don’t seem to want to spend time with their grandchildren (despite what they say), unless my husband and I put in all the effort to make it happen. Didn’t know if this was a normal thing among grandparents or if ours are just special!

My inlaws live 10 minutes away and we see them every 6 weeks or so for dinner. But I get what you are saying.

OP here: thanks for all the feedback. We are 2/3 of the way through the year and they have been up to visit us twice this year. Once was in May when our baby was born (they were here for several days - stayed in a hotel - their preference as we have a very small house) and once for a couple of hours on my son’s birthday. We do visit them often (this year has been a little harder as I was pregnant and then had a newborn). I have, on many occasions, taken the kids to visit them without my husband. Finances are not an issue for them, so that’s not a barrier. I think I’ve just made the incorrect assumption that because they have the flexibility of retirement, the financial means, and close proximity (especially relative to the families of a lot of people in the DC area), that they’d want to come up to visit their grandkids more than 2-3 times a year. But it sounds like we’re not alone in this boat.