Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 11:30     Subject: What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is a certain sex act (trying to keep it clean here) that I told DH I’ve never done and have no interest in. I did it with the last bf I had before him.


Same with me as I’m pretty sure I know what you are talking about. It was one time and I hated it and I hated myself for letting it happen.


It's probably what you think it is. I didn't hate it, but vowed never to do it again. I was experimenting and ex-bf was good at pushing me to do new things. If DH knew I had done it with the ex and I won't do it with him he'd be so pissed and jealous.


Man here, I am sure I know what it is, and my wife also did it with ex, not interested in doing it again. Logically, I get it. Emotionally, it is about the equivalent of me telling wife I have gone to all the romantic cities in Europe with my Ex Girlfriend and see no need to go back there with wife. Oh, and she's not allowed to go their with anyone else either.

Um, no. It is nothing like that. That’s one of the worst analogies I’ve ever read. If you want your wife to be game, then you need to open yourself up to the same act from her. Would you?


Sure, I would be game for going first

Choose whatever analogy you want. It's simply an act that most men want, that you were willing to do with an ex and not for DH and he doesn't ever get to do it unless he cheats. It's totally logical and you are absolutely entitled to set those limits but it still sucks. Even you conceded he would be "pissed and jealous" just as my wife would be if I told her I used to take ex-gfs to 5 star hotels but only Hampton Inns for her.


Why would you want your wife to engage in an act that causes her pain and anxiety? That isn't very loving. She did it once, hated it. It isn't about you.


If it's A sex then it's not something any woman should do. Anyone for that matter because of increased risks of sexual diseases and cancer. Poor FF is a good example.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 11:29     Subject: What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a question for the men talking about Forbidden Sex Acts.

Is it more disappointing/galling to you all if a woman has done Forbidden Sex Act before, did not enjoy it and will not do it again, or if a woman has never and refuses to consider doing Forbidden Sex Act with you or anyone else?


This question gets to the point, I think. A wife who won't do FSA with anyone is less disappointing than a wife who will do FSA with others but not you. Like PP said, it's an emotional thing; not a logical thing. You can qualify it with the idea that she didn't like it -- and that satisfies the logical brain. But the emotional brain worries that she's just making an excuse -- really what's happening is that she was more attracted to the other guy(s). She married you for your resources, not because she thinks you're hot.


I kind of agree with this, the idea of the logical vs. emotional brain. The way I see it, there are a lot of raunchy, totally fun sexy stuff that people do when they are super turned on. So my lizard brain would wonder if she saved the super hot stuff for when she was super turned on and I am getting the "go through the motions" stuff.

The way to guard against this is if my wife were otherwise game to try other stuff, push boundaries and show some initiation. If I am getting a "no" to FSA AND starfish sex, I think my lizard brain is onto something.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 11:14     Subject: What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:I have a question for the men talking about Forbidden Sex Acts.

Is it more disappointing/galling to you all if a woman has done Forbidden Sex Act before, did not enjoy it and will not do it again, or if a woman has never and refuses to consider doing Forbidden Sex Act with you or anyone else?

Obviously men think that if the woman they love gave it up to someone else but not them, then they’re some kind of cuck. I am astounded in this day and age how obsessed men are with owning women’s bodies. F all y’all.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 11:11     Subject: What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is a certain sex act (trying to keep it clean here) that I told DH I’ve never done and have no interest in. I did it with the last bf I had before him.


Same with me as I’m pretty sure I know what you are talking about. It was one time and I hated it and I hated myself for letting it happen.


It's probably what you think it is. I didn't hate it, but vowed never to do it again. I was experimenting and ex-bf was good at pushing me to do new things. If DH knew I had done it with the ex and I won't do it with him he'd be so pissed and jealous.


Man here, I am sure I know what it is, and my wife also did it with ex, not interested in doing it again. Logically, I get it. Emotionally, it is about the equivalent of me telling wife I have gone to all the romantic cities in Europe with my Ex Girlfriend and see no need to go back there with wife. Oh, and she's not allowed to go their with anyone else either.

Um, no. It is nothing like that. That’s one of the worst analogies I’ve ever read. If you want your wife to be game, then you need to open yourself up to the same act from her. Would you?


Sure, I would be game for going first

Choose whatever analogy you want. It's simply an act that most men want, that you were willing to do with an ex and not for DH and he doesn't ever get to do it unless he cheats. It's totally logical and you are absolutely entitled to set those limits but it still sucks. Even you conceded he would be "pissed and jealous" just as my wife would be if I told her I used to take ex-gfs to 5 star hotels but only Hampton Inns for her.

Ah yes, and as we know, women’s bodies are men’s property so even if she’s uncomfortable with something sexual, she OWES it to you as her husband to give herself up, amirite? You sound like a horrible man.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 11:04     Subject: What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a question for the men talking about Forbidden Sex Acts.

Is it more disappointing/galling to you all if a woman has done Forbidden Sex Act before, did not enjoy it and will not do it again, or if a woman has never and refuses to consider doing Forbidden Sex Act with you or anyone else?


This question gets to the point, I think. A wife who won't do FSA with anyone is less disappointing than a wife who will do FSA with others but not you. Like PP said, it's an emotional thing; not a logical thing. You can qualify it with the idea that she didn't like it -- and that satisfies the logical brain. But the emotional brain worries that she's just making an excuse -- really what's happening is that she was more attracted to the other guy(s). She married you for your resources, not because she thinks you're hot.


I'm the original question-asker above.

I did FSA with a former boyfriend multiple times. It wasn't my favorite but I know that many men are super excited about FSA so was willing to try it again. DH is big enough that it was too much for me, even with a lot of foreplay, wine, and lube. We did it once and I told him I was not willing to do it again. His response was essentially that my willingness to try things at all was what was important. He didn't seem to think that my attraction to former boyfriend was greater due to my willingness to do that one thing more times with former boyfriend than him.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 10:57     Subject: What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a question for the men talking about Forbidden Sex Acts.

Is it more disappointing/galling to you all if a woman has done Forbidden Sex Act before, did not enjoy it and will not do it again, or if a woman has never and refuses to consider doing Forbidden Sex Act with you or anyone else?


This question gets to the point, I think. A wife who won't do FSA with anyone is less disappointing than a wife who will do FSA with others but not you. Like PP said, it's an emotional thing; not a logical thing. You can qualify it with the idea that she didn't like it -- and that satisfies the logical brain. But the emotional brain worries that she's just making an excuse -- really what's happening is that she was more attracted to the other guy(s). She married you for your resources, not because she thinks you're hot.


Man here and disagree. I would have no issues whatsoever with someone who tried something, didn't like it and didn't want to do it again. It's far more important, at least to me, that she likes what she's getting!
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 10:47     Subject: What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:I have a question for the men talking about Forbidden Sex Acts.

Is it more disappointing/galling to you all if a woman has done Forbidden Sex Act before, did not enjoy it and will not do it again, or if a woman has never and refuses to consider doing Forbidden Sex Act with you or anyone else?


This question gets to the point, I think. A wife who won't do FSA with anyone is less disappointing than a wife who will do FSA with others but not you. Like PP said, it's an emotional thing; not a logical thing. You can qualify it with the idea that she didn't like it -- and that satisfies the logical brain. But the emotional brain worries that she's just making an excuse -- really what's happening is that she was more attracted to the other guy(s). She married you for your resources, not because she thinks you're hot.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 10:39     Subject: What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
I have a question for the men talking about Forbidden Sex Acts.

Is it more disappointing/galling to you all if a woman has done Forbidden Sex Act before, did not enjoy it and will not do it again, or if a woman has never and refuses to consider doing Forbidden Sex Act with you or anyone else?
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 10:31     Subject: What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is a certain sex act (trying to keep it clean here) that I told DH I’ve never done and have no interest in. I did it with the last bf I had before him.


Same with me as I’m pretty sure I know what you are talking about. It was one time and I hated it and I hated myself for letting it happen.


It's probably what you think it is. I didn't hate it, but vowed never to do it again. I was experimenting and ex-bf was good at pushing me to do new things. If DH knew I had done it with the ex and I won't do it with him he'd be so pissed and jealous.


Man here, I am sure I know what it is, and my wife also did it with ex, not interested in doing it again. Logically, I get it. Emotionally, it is about the equivalent of me telling wife I have gone to all the romantic cities in Europe with my Ex Girlfriend and see no need to go back there with wife. Oh, and she's not allowed to go their with anyone else either.

Um, no. It is nothing like that. That’s one of the worst analogies I’ve ever read. If you want your wife to be game, then you need to open yourself up to the same act from her. Would you?


Sure, I would be game for going first

Choose whatever analogy you want. It's simply an act that most men want, that you were willing to do with an ex and not for DH and he doesn't ever get to do it unless he cheats. It's totally logical and you are absolutely entitled to set those limits but it still sucks. Even you conceded he would be "pissed and jealous" just as my wife would be if I told her I used to take ex-gfs to 5 star hotels but only Hampton Inns for her.


Why would you want your wife to engage in an act that causes her pain and anxiety? That isn't very loving. She did it once, hated it. It isn't about you.


Over the years my boundaries have definitely widened but it’s been my choice or desire, not my husbands. He has never pressured me to do anything and it’s one of the reasons I’ve become more willing to try new things.


+1 same here. My husband knows to let me initiate new things as he will benefit. A couple of months ago I surprised him with handcuffs!
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 10:28     Subject: Re:What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was a real prude and I had a very plain vanilla sex life before my husband. I was never in love with the few guys I had been with and I just never gave it my all. I’m sure they would say I was a starfish and I wouldn’t argue with them. I actually worried that maybe heterosexual sex wasn’t for me though I had never been with a woman. With my now DH it was a completely different story. I had a huge crush on him and when we finally first got together I gave my first BJ and wore him out wanting repeats. We’ve never really spoken about our sexual pasts but he probably thinks mine was pretty wild given what happened that first night and on many nights since.


This is lovely. Because you are wildly attracted to (or at least were) your husband. I didn't realize you could have that sort of attraction until ... after marriage (and with somebody else). So. Good for you!!


PP - thanks. It was quite a sexual awakening for me and it didn’t take long before I knew he was the one I wanted to marry. After 32 years I’m still wildly attracted to him but repeats are no longer doable for either of us! But we have fun!
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 10:09     Subject: Re:What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Why would you want your wife to engage in an act that causes her pain and anxiety? That isn't very loving. She did it once, hated it. It isn't about you.


I don't pressure her to do that or anything she doesn't want to do. I can still be disappointed that it's off the menu. Sort of like how she would be disappointed to learn I used to by thoughtful gifts "just because" for my ex but now realize I need to be more judicious with resources because we need to save for retirement.

Point being, the PP who said she held back what she tried with an ex from her DH is wise. And if he finds out, just tell your DH you could only do it with ex because he was smaller

Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 10:09     Subject: Re:What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:I was a real prude and I had a very plain vanilla sex life before my husband. I was never in love with the few guys I had been with and I just never gave it my all. I’m sure they would say I was a starfish and I wouldn’t argue with them. I actually worried that maybe heterosexual sex wasn’t for me though I had never been with a woman. With my now DH it was a completely different story. I had a huge crush on him and when we finally first got together I gave my first BJ and wore him out wanting repeats. We’ve never really spoken about our sexual pasts but he probably thinks mine was pretty wild given what happened that first night and on many nights since.


This is lovely. Because you are wildly attracted to (or at least were) your husband. I didn't realize you could have that sort of attraction until ... after marriage (and with somebody else). So. Good for you!!
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 10:01     Subject: What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is a certain sex act (trying to keep it clean here) that I told DH I’ve never done and have no interest in. I did it with the last bf I had before him.


Same with me as I’m pretty sure I know what you are talking about. It was one time and I hated it and I hated myself for letting it happen.


It's probably what you think it is. I didn't hate it, but vowed never to do it again. I was experimenting and ex-bf was good at pushing me to do new things. If DH knew I had done it with the ex and I won't do it with him he'd be so pissed and jealous.


Man here, I am sure I know what it is, and my wife also did it with ex, not interested in doing it again. Logically, I get it. Emotionally, it is about the equivalent of me telling wife I have gone to all the romantic cities in Europe with my Ex Girlfriend and see no need to go back there with wife. Oh, and she's not allowed to go their with anyone else either.

Um, no. It is nothing like that. That’s one of the worst analogies I’ve ever read. If you want your wife to be game, then you need to open yourself up to the same act from her. Would you?


Sure, I would be game for going first

Choose whatever analogy you want. It's simply an act that most men want, that you were willing to do with an ex and not for DH and he doesn't ever get to do it unless he cheats. It's totally logical and you are absolutely entitled to set those limits but it still sucks. Even you conceded he would be "pissed and jealous" just as my wife would be if I told her I used to take ex-gfs to 5 star hotels but only Hampton Inns for her.


Why would you want your wife to engage in an act that causes her pain and anxiety? That isn't very loving. She did it once, hated it. It isn't about you.


Over the years my boundaries have definitely widened but it’s been my choice or desire, not my husbands. He has never pressured me to do anything and it’s one of the reasons I’ve become more willing to try new things.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 09:55     Subject: Re:What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
I was a real prude and I had a very plain vanilla sex life before my husband. I was never in love with the few guys I had been with and I just never gave it my all. I’m sure they would say I was a starfish and I wouldn’t argue with them. I actually worried that maybe heterosexual sex wasn’t for me though I had never been with a woman. With my now DH it was a completely different story. I had a huge crush on him and when we finally first got together I gave my first BJ and wore him out wanting repeats. We’ve never really spoken about our sexual pasts but he probably thinks mine was pretty wild given what happened that first night and on many nights since.
Anonymous
Post 08/19/2019 09:46     Subject: What haven’t you told your husband from your pre-relationship days?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There is a certain sex act (trying to keep it clean here) that I told DH I’ve never done and have no interest in. I did it with the last bf I had before him.


Same with me as I’m pretty sure I know what you are talking about. It was one time and I hated it and I hated myself for letting it happen.


It's probably what you think it is. I didn't hate it, but vowed never to do it again. I was experimenting and ex-bf was good at pushing me to do new things. If DH knew I had done it with the ex and I won't do it with him he'd be so pissed and jealous.


Man here, I am sure I know what it is, and my wife also did it with ex, not interested in doing it again. Logically, I get it. Emotionally, it is about the equivalent of me telling wife I have gone to all the romantic cities in Europe with my Ex Girlfriend and see no need to go back there with wife. Oh, and she's not allowed to go their with anyone else either.

Um, no. It is nothing like that. That’s one of the worst analogies I’ve ever read. If you want your wife to be game, then you need to open yourself up to the same act from her. Would you?


Sure, I would be game for going first

Choose whatever analogy you want. It's simply an act that most men want, that you were willing to do with an ex and not for DH and he doesn't ever get to do it unless he cheats. It's totally logical and you are absolutely entitled to set those limits but it still sucks. Even you conceded he would be "pissed and jealous" just as my wife would be if I told her I used to take ex-gfs to 5 star hotels but only Hampton Inns for her.


Why would you want your wife to engage in an act that causes her pain and anxiety? That isn't very loving. She did it once, hated it. It isn't about you.