I would see it as immaturity on behalf of the oldest child.

I would have a conversation with her about age appropriate behavior, growing up, consideration for siblings, etc. Hopefully, this is just an isolated incident and not indicative of general brattiness.

Also, if you were a family friend and you told me you were enshrining your college student’s room and banning your other kids from using it, I would think you were insane. Or that you had serious attachment issues (or both!) At a minimum you’d get some raised eyebrows.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move the oldest, who can use the guest room when she comes back as a guest. Don’t encourage moving back.

This is a completely different issue than the issue presented by OP. Why wouldn't you encourage moving back? Given the cost of housing in today's market, why wouldn't you encourage your kids to move back, save money and build a good financial foundation for themselves? I plan to offer my kids the opportunity to move back home, with the explanation that I expect them to work toward building their financial foundation during that time. They may turn down the offer, but I'll give them the option. Maybe I am ok with this because I'm from a culture where this is common.

Apologies if my prior post sounded harsh. My point is that our goal is independence, not banishment. If circumstances warrant, of course my DDs will be welcome, but the default is that when they are in college, they return as very cherished guests and when they are done with school, they will live independently. If necessary, I’d prefer to help them to rent or purchase than have them living in the house at that point. They should learn how to run their own household.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Sounds like your oldest is a prima donna just like my oldest sister....and my oldest sister's oldest child. Nip this attitude in the bud NOW or the oldest will continue to feel entitled for the rest of their childhood's. The middle should get the nicest room, then the youngest can have his or her pick of the remaining rooms, then when the middle goes off to college, the youngest gets to choose.

I meant to say adulthood's, not childhood's. My oldest sister is entitled beyond belief. Always got the best room and still expects to at Christmas, family beach vacations, etc. She actually expects me to sleep on the couch while she and her kids take up three rooms. It is absurd. Seriously, nip this entitled attitude in teh bud NOW

Definitely switch, the best real estate shouldn't be going to waste, and it's really unfair to the middle kid to never be the ones who gets the best room.

Ugh. Sounds like your oldest is a prima donna just like my oldest sister....and my oldest sister's oldest child. Nip this attitude in the bud NOW or the oldest will continue to feel entitled for the rest of their childhood's. The middle should get the nicest room, then the youngest can have his or her pick of the remaining rooms, then when the middle goes off to college, the youngest gets to choose.

Middle gets best room. Youngest picks which remaining room he wants. Oldest gets the last room left, and that room is set up to be as much Hera as possible.

She may be feeling anxious about change and leaving home, rather than merely being selfish or an a-hole. It will also be easier in all of you left behind if her old room isn’t still there, empty, as a reminder of her being gone. This way there will be more change than just she’s not there anymore.

Anonymous wrote:Glad I was am only child! My room was MY ROOM even after I got married. I kept it until they sold the house.

LOL, you definitely sound like an only child.

Definitely swap. No child owns a room in the house. I own the house and let them use the rooms as I see fit. As far as i'm concerned, my kids will always have a place to stay in any house that I live in (if they need to move back home after launching, that's fine; we'll work it out) but I decide where that place is.

As the youngest of 3 I say swap. The older always gets the good stuff, why shouldn't the others get a chance at it as well?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would NOT switch rooms. That will make your eldest feel as if you are kicking them out/making them unwelcome at home.

The child won’t homeless. They had their turn with the prime real estate. Do they get to use it part time 4 more years simply by virtual of birth order?

My childhood bedroom was turned into a guest bedroom within a month of my leaving - it was always available for my use when I was home on break, and I've never been made to feel unwelcome in my parents home. Give the middle child the good bedroom - she's waited long enough!

Agree. My parents sold our childhood home and moved to a smaller townhouse as soon as I went to school. I didn’t have my old home to go back to, not even just a bedroom. She’ll survive. I did. It’s unfair to let that prime real estate go to waste as it sounds substantially better than the other siblings’ rooms.

Anonymous wrote:Glad I was am only child! My room was MY ROOM even after I got married. I kept it until they sold the house.

My parents still refer to my old room as mine and I’m in my 40s. I see both sides. When I went to college I didn’t care and offered to let my youngest brother take it since he had the smallest room and the middle child didn’t want to switch. My parents refused and said my room had to remain mine for when I came home. Eventually he moved in a couple years later when I had an apartment. He stayed in that room from high school through early 20s but they still call it mine. Some people, in this case the parents, have difficulty with change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a pretty big sign of immaturity that the oldest wants to hoard the room while she’s at college. You need to step in and be the parent.

No kidding super selfish attitude. I'd let the oldest know if she wants to be immature and selfish she can keep the room and head off to community college for the year.

My mother in law has two bedrooms enshrined to DH's sisters. They have never cleared their stuff out. They are 48 and 52 with homes of their own!

It may not be "selfish." My kids have lived in the same house/rooms all their lives. The oldest's room is slightly bigger, but nothing special. I think it will be hard to give up the emotional connection to their room for even the youngest, who has the smallest room. For me, moving away to college was a big transition, so I can understand not wanting too many changes at once. Threatening community college seems like an immature way for a parent to handle the situation. I'd figure out a way to make the change, while taking into consideration the years of memories each child has connected to their room.

Anonymous wrote:Move the oldest, who can use the guest room when she comes back as a guest. Don’t encourage moving back.

This is a completely different issue than the issue presented by OP. Why wouldn't you encourage moving back? Given the cost of housing in today's market, why wouldn't you encourage your kids to move back, save money and build a good financial foundation for themselves? I plan to offer my kids the opportunity to move back home, with the explanation that I expect them to work toward building their financial foundation during that time. They may turn down the offer, but I'll give them the option. Maybe I am ok with this because I'm from a culture where this is common.

Glad I was am only child! My room was MY ROOM even after I got married. I kept it until they sold the house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would NOT switch rooms. That will make your eldest feel as if you are kicking them out/making them unwelcome at home.

The child won’t homeless. They had their turn with the prime real estate. Do they get to use it part time 4 more years simply by virtual of birth order?

My childhood bedroom was turned into a guest bedroom within a month of my leaving - it was always available for my use when I was home on break, and I've never been made to feel unwelcome in my parents home. Give the middle child the good bedroom - she's waited long enough!