Anonymous
08/03/2019 09:00
Subject: Re:I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
I kind of felt one and done with my first. But I did not want my child to be an only.
Thinking ahead ( I was 25 when we had him) I did not want him to not have another immediate family member he could count on once my husband and I pass. I did not want him to bear the burden of aging parents on his own. I wanted him to understand the dynamics of give and take with a sibling. It’s different than with adults and peers and even very different than with cousins.
So I was not over the moon during my second pregnancy but I absolutely am now. Listening to them giggle and share stories in the backseat during road trips, seeing how even though they’ll fight with each other at home, they’ll watch each other’s backs if anyone messes with their sibling. Is it harder for my DH and I, hell yeah, but knowing that they can always count on one another is worth every minute of those 9 months and our schedule juggling.
If I had it in me, I would have had three but my health took a toll. I still have no regrets. My second child is the sweetest and most caring kid I know.
OP, you made the choice that was right for you but now your judging friends that also made choices that are right for them and judging them over their excitement levels.
It seems to be stemming from insecurity about your decision. Once you make peace with your choice then you can embrace it and not feel lonely about it and you’ll no longer need to judge the choices or excitement levels of others.
Thinking ahead ( I was 25 when we had him) I did not want him to not have another immediate family member he could count on once my husband and I pass. I did not want him to bear the burden of aging parents on his own. I wanted him to understand the dynamics of give and take with a sibling. It’s different than with adults and peers and even very different than with cousins.
So I was not over the moon during my second pregnancy but I absolutely am now. Listening to them giggle and share stories in the backseat during road trips, seeing how even though they’ll fight with each other at home, they’ll watch each other’s backs if anyone messes with their sibling. Is it harder for my DH and I, hell yeah, but knowing that they can always count on one another is worth every minute of those 9 months and our schedule juggling.
If I had it in me, I would have had three but my health took a toll. I still have no regrets. My second child is the sweetest and most caring kid I know.
OP, you made the choice that was right for you but now your judging friends that also made choices that are right for them and judging them over their excitement levels.
It seems to be stemming from insecurity about your decision. Once you make peace with your choice then you can embrace it and not feel lonely about it and you’ll no longer need to judge the choices or excitement levels of others.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 08:54
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m with you!
We are selfish and we know it, but we wanted to share our life with someone. We very much planned for DD, and we very much enjoy sharing our life with her. She’s our buddy and we love the freedom we have with one.
We are never outnumbered, one parent can always have a break (super nice on vacation and on weekends), speaking of travel: three to a row! It works for us and we are very pleased.
How are you selfish for having one kid?
I don’t know but as a parent of one it’s a message I get and I’m always just like, huh?? This idea def needs to be explained to me
I mean, I'm a one kid parent too and I get it also. I also agree it's ridiculous. Is it selfish to want to balance being a parent with doing other things?
Example: Tonight our 2 year old was a living demon. I swear to god she was possessed. However, we got her to bed at 7:30 and now DH and I are eating popcorn and watching Masterchef. We get to have a break after a long week of work and a child in demon phase. I guess some people think it's selfish to want this?
Also, PP is right that the best thing you can do for the Earth is to not contribute to overpopulation by having 1 kid rather than 2 or more.
I’m very confused. You think if you had a second child, you wouldn’t put them to bed?
Your first kid would go sleep at 8 and the second child would get to stay up all night? I don’t understand the logic here.
Given that we have a 2.5 year old, any second child would be an infant right now, so yes — he/she would be up all night at this point.
And the infant stage would last forever. Obviously.
I’m not saying two kids aren’t more work, but getting a break after bedtime is pretty universal for all parents with young kids.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 08:47
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Anonymous wrote:Another one and done family here. My husband and I wonder why people want more than one with the fighting and the increased cost. We can give our daughter a great life because we don’t have to spend money on another kid. Plus, pregnancy sucked balls.
You wonder why most parents want more than one child? Why they want to give their children siblings? (The fact that your metric is fighting and money speaks volumes.)
Anonymous
08/03/2019 08:45
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m with you!
We are selfish and we know it, but we wanted to share our life with someone. We very much planned for DD, and we very much enjoy sharing our life with her. She’s our buddy and we love the freedom we have with one.
We are never outnumbered, one parent can always have a break (super nice on vacation and on weekends), speaking of travel: three to a row! It works for us and we are very pleased.
How are you selfish for having one kid?
I don’t know but as a parent of one it’s a message I get and I’m always just like, huh?? This idea def needs to be explained to me
I mean, I'm a one kid parent too and I get it also. I also agree it's ridiculous. Is it selfish to want to balance being a parent with doing other things?
Example: Tonight our 2 year old was a living demon. I swear to god she was possessed. However, we got her to bed at 7:30 and now DH and I are eating popcorn and watching Masterchef. We get to have a break after a long week of work and a child in demon phase. I guess some people think it's selfish to want this?
Also, PP is right that the best thing you can do for the Earth is to not contribute to overpopulation by having 1 kid rather than 2 or more.
I’m very confused. You think if you had a second child, you wouldn’t put them to bed?
Your first kid would go sleep at 8 and the second child would get to stay up all night? I don’t understand the logic here.
Given that we have a 2.5 year old, any second child would be an infant right now, so yes — he/she would be up all night at this point.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 08:44
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Another one and done family here. My husband and I wonder why people want more than one with the fighting and the increased cost. We can give our daughter a great life because we don’t have to spend money on another kid. Plus, pregnancy sucked balls.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 08:43
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m with you!
We are selfish and we know it, but we wanted to share our life with someone. We very much planned for DD, and we very much enjoy sharing our life with her. She’s our buddy and we love the freedom we have with one.
We are never outnumbered, one parent can always have a break (super nice on vacation and on weekends), speaking of travel: three to a row! It works for us and we are very pleased.
How are you selfish for having one kid?
I don’t know but as a parent of one it’s a message I get and I’m always just like, huh?? This idea def needs to be explained to me
I mean, I'm a one kid parent too and I get it also. I also agree it's ridiculous. Is it selfish to want to balance being a parent with doing other things?
Example: Tonight our 2 year old was a living demon. I swear to god she was possessed. However, we got her to bed at 7:30 and now DH and I are eating popcorn and watching Masterchef. We get to have a break after a long week of work and a child in demon phase. I guess some people think it's selfish to want this?
Also, PP is right that the best thing you can do for the Earth is to not contribute to overpopulation by having 1 kid rather than 2 or more.
I’m very confused. You think if you had a second child, you wouldn’t put them to bed?
Your first kid would go sleep at 8 and the second child would get to stay up all night? I don’t understand the logic here.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 08:39
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Anonymous wrote: I have a large family, but the first 'set' of kids are teen/young adults,and I have a much younger dc. So when dh, dc and I are out and about, dc is assumed to be an only.
So when we were out and about with the older kids, people felt free to say stupid stuff. And now, people feel free to say stupid stuff.
There is no getting away from that, OP, sorry.
Agree with this, OP.
We also are one and done by choice. It's always something, though. Literally every woman's choice about everything is scrutinized and found lacking-- at least by a vocal minority. And yes, I said "woman" on purpose.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 08:38
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We know several families that are one and done. In fact, there was a little clique of them in DD's preschool. They didn't invite her or another friend who has a younger sibling on afternoon outings -- the moms would be like "oh, we figured you couldn't come because your toddlers were napping!".
Sort of ridiculous they'd never ask you. I don't get offended when people decline a playdate because of a baby's nap schedule, and I'm happy to host a drop-off playdate or two to give you a break.
Do you know many adult only children? Every single one I know is nuts; to them the world revolves around them. It’s truly a marvel. It’s clear that comes from cooky parents like these...
Obviously this is ridiculous. You pay attention to the ones you deem nuts, but I bet that there are many only children out there that you assume have siblings because you have no reason not to. Almost every time an acquaintance finds out I’m an only child, they say something about how they never would have guessed. The “spoiled only child” trope is silly.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 08:36
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Only kid parents who whine about how stigmatized they feel are so annoying. You made a choice you’re happy with, so own it! I swear to god none of the rest of us are thinking at all about your family size. We don’t care that much and are busy keeping up with our own.
None of you? Have you not seen all the threads about family size on this forum?!
This.
Dcum hates families with 4 kids. Hates them.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 08:30
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
I have a friend - married and no children and not planning to have any - who always (everytime I see her) asked about our family size choice. So sick of it. Next time she asks I'm going to ask about her choice.
My mother always told me it's rude to comment on family size, so I have never done it.
My mother always told me it's rude to comment on family size, so I have never done it.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 08:23
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Anonymous wrote:Only kid parents who whine about how stigmatized they feel are so annoying. You made a choice you’re happy with, so own it! I swear to god none of the rest of us are thinking at all about your family size. We don’t care that much and are busy keeping up with our own.
None of you? Have you not seen all the threads about family size on this forum?!
Anonymous
08/03/2019 08:08
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 06:19
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
I have a large family, but the first 'set' of kids are teen/young adults,and I have a much younger dc. So when dh, dc and I are out and about, dc is assumed to be an only.
So when we were out and about with the older kids, people felt free to say stupid stuff. And now, people feel free to say stupid stuff.
There is no getting away from that, OP, sorry.
So when we were out and about with the older kids, people felt free to say stupid stuff. And now, people feel free to say stupid stuff.
There is no getting away from that, OP, sorry.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 05:59
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Only kid parents who whine about how stigmatized they feel are so annoying. You made a choice you’re happy with, so own it! I swear to god none of the rest of us are thinking at all about your family size. We don’t care that much and are busy keeping up with our own.
Anonymous
08/03/2019 03:23
Subject: I wanted one child and I have one child. I feel very alone in this.
Anonymous wrote:
Perhaps they don't want to hurt you by seeming too happy or excited about a second child. Also, when I was pregnant with my second, even though I felt deeply happy, I wasn't externally giddy like I was with my first. Interestingly, I did express in terms of "need". "Need" is far stronger than "want", OP! I *needed* a second child to make my family complete.
Perhaps you're also primed to interpret these events in a negative way if you feel left out...
In terms of environmental impact, it's true that more humans in general are bad for the earth. However demographic pyramids need to be balanced unless you want nations to have difficulty supporting their aging population, as has been the case in Japan for years. The US has a plummeting birth rate - it was on the news recently.
For me too, it was a need. I mean I realize it was a want, but it felt like a need. In fact, I wanted 4 kids, ended with 2, and I am ok with it. Environment played no part in my desire to have kids. I don't think myself that significant when it comes to saving earth. I am just a regular UMC person that, imo, doesn't make a difference in the billions of people around the world, so me not having a kid would not make a dent in saving the environment.