Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 6 and all my friends still come along for playdates. I don't know anyone who is doing drop off playdates at this age.

We started at 5 for all kids. At 4, we did drop offs when we knew the family pretty well.

Same here. We did some drop off play dates at 3 with a few kids in our weekly playgroup, but at that point all the kids and Patel knew each other really well. Still, this wasn’t the norm. It became more common at 4 and definitely expected at 5. For example, at 5 if a parent wanted to stay they knew that was out of the ordinary so they would bring it up first. If nobody talked about parental involvement it was understood the play date was drop off.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the parent doesn’t have many friends and the play date also provided an opportunity for an adult conversation.

Or the parent doesn't know the protocol and is fearful of being considered "lazy".

I am a PP. We have done drop off play dates for our DS since he was 6. We know the families, he is in the same class or on the same team or in Cub Scouts with the kids. Some of the kids we knew from Pre School and the initial play dates the parents stayed. Once we realized that we had similar tactics and philosophies we were ok with not being there.

That said, if you want to stay when your kid comes for their first play date, more power to you. Just let me know in advance. I'll chat for a bit but will let you know that I need to take care of laundry, dinner, and cleaning stuff. Please bring a book.

I understand that different parents have different comfort levels and that is fine. There are good reasons for parents to stay at a new families house. I do think that there comes a time where you trust the family and don't come with the kid but that is me.

I get that bad stuff can happen, even when you know the family, but the reality is that the time is going to come when kids are going to be on their own and you have to trust that your kid will let you know if anything bad happens.

But seriously, just let me know you want to stay and I will be good with it. Just be prepared that I might tell you that is cool and please bring a book so that I can get done whatever I need to get done while the kids play.

If you are going to insist on staying for older kids, you should instead suggest meeting at a neutral location so people are prepared for your involvement.

My almost 6 yr old has a good friend whose mom is one of my good friends now too. I really appreciate it when she says either “do you guys want to come over” or “can you drop Larla off? Today’s not a good day to see you - I have a bunch to get done at home - but let’s grab coffee soon!” I’m really extroverted and like seeing her but I’m happy to leave her alone when that’s the better plan for her.

Maybe the parent doesn’t have many friends and the play date also provided an opportunity for an adult conversation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had a parent come with plans to stay while her 9 and 12 year olds played with my kids. I was completely caught off guard and was planning to work while they were over, not entertain another adult. I tried to put it nicely and eventually she got it and left for a couple hours.

If she does not know you and you are working just don’t invite kids over. Simple. I would have left with my kids.

Are you trolling? You stay at playdates for your 9 and TWELVE year olds?!?

I’m the PP who had to work while the 9 and 12 year olds were playing. We do know the family well, they’ve all been to our house multiple times, we see them at school all the time. It was definitely not a matter of them “not knowing” us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7 years old is 1st/2nd grade. That's old enough to play with a friend without mommy there when you know the other family. Stop helicoptering & embarrassing your child. (I'm not talking about a special situation where the child needs the parent there.)

What if you don't know the other family at all? I'd be very nervous to leave my 6 year old somewhere where we don't know anything about the parents.

Unless I know AND trust the parent/nanny, I'm staying, and I really do not care what anyone thinks of me

This!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7 years old is 1st/2nd grade. That's old enough to play with a friend without mommy there when you know the other family. Stop helicoptering & embarrassing your child. (I'm not talking about a special situation where the child needs the parent there.)

What if you don't know the other family at all? I'd be very nervous to leave my 6 year old somewhere where we don't know anything about the parents.

Unless I know AND trust the parent/nanny, I'm staying, and I really do not care what anyone thinks of me

When I host playdates, I never plan on doing more than light tasks that I can interrupt at any moment to check on the kids. The parents who choose to spend that time doing noisy stuff in far-away corners of the house or yard are completely irresponsible. In my 14 years of being a parent, I've had boys wanting to rappel from the upper floor, and nearly breaking the bannister in the process, kids making a gymnastics obstacle course in my living room, someone swinging a bat next to my crystal chandelier, and some girls that squeezed themselves into a bed drawer compartment so small I thought they were about to suffocate.

This means that I am available for parents who wish to stay. Maybe I don't want them to stay, but that's another matter. I would never hint that I had other plans, because that would be rude vis-a-vis the children I'm supposed to look after! I do not think it weird that another parent wishes to stay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I once had a parent come with plans to stay while her 9 and 12 year olds played with my kids. I was completely caught off guard and was planning to work while they were over, not entertain another adult. I tried to put it nicely and eventually she got it and left for a couple hours.

If she does not know you and you are working just don’t invite kids over. Simple. I would have left with my kids.

Are you trolling? You stay at playdates for your 9 and TWELVE year olds?!?

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 6 and all my friends still come along for playdates. I don't know anyone who is doing drop off playdates at this age.

Wow, that's nuts. Everyone I know did dropoffs starting at around 4. 6 is K or 1st grade!!!!

Anonymous wrote:7 years old is 1st/2nd grade. That's old enough to play with a friend without mommy there when you know the other family. Stop helicoptering & embarrassing your child. (I'm not talking about a special situation where the child needs the parent there.)

What if you don't know the other family at all? I'd be very nervous to leave my 6 year old somewhere where we don't know anything about the parents.