Is she going to be at the house 24/7 for the next while while you are recovering from the C Section?

If she is the person who will be responsible for the children, meals, and the house around the clock, that is a lot to take on.

You say you came to an agreement awhile ago. Did you ask her and give her time to think it over and let you now what her cost would be to do that or did you make her feel guilty because you have no family or back up plan and only offer her a little extra?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny did this to me when I was about to give birth to my second child. She told me that she was going to be out of town and needed a raise. I was able to call her bluff. I had local parents and I told her that if she couldn’t work for the agreed wages that my parents would take over and she would be out of a job. I told her that this would be unfortunate for my first born to whom she was attached as he transitioned to having a sibling. She very quickly dropped her demands. In your case, I would pay for now and start interviewing. This is very unprofessional behavior.

so you didn't give her a raise for the second kid?

Of course she got a very nice raise for the second child. She wanted another raise. She was constantly hassling me to loan her money, to store her snow tires, to pay her cousin ‘s excessive phone bill, to borrow things and then “lose them”, etc. Really tiresome behavior. Whenever I received these requests I would ask myself if it was something that I would feel comfortable asking of my own boss.

Anonymous wrote:All of the questions about whether the nanny is being paid enough and whether it’s reasonable for her to want more are missing the key issue here, which is that you don’t spring this on your employer two days before she’s about to have major surgery and doesn’t have the opportunity to work through it with you in a meaningful way. Whether her feelings on her employment are valid or not, this was calculated to be as coercive as possible, which isn’t how someone in a position of trust should behave.

Well, I have no doubt that most employers would fire a nanny who got sick and had to miss work for a long time, regardless of how "coercive" that is. This is an employment relationship, so it's best to take emotion out of the equation when it comes to negotiating terms.

Anonymous wrote:My nanny did this to me when I was about to give birth to my second child. She told me that she was going to be out of town and needed a raise. I was able to call her bluff. I had local parents and I told her that if she couldn’t work for the agreed wages that my parents would take over and she would be out of a job. I told her that this would be unfortunate for my first born to whom she was attached as he transitioned to having a sibling. She very quickly dropped her demands. In your case, I would pay for now and start interviewing. This is very unprofessional behavior.

so you didn't give her a raise for the second kid?

Post her current duties and what she is being paid along with what you negotiated a month ago for when baby 3 arrives. Then we can really weigh in on whether the nanny sucks.

If your nanny has been very good up until now, and the salary she is asking is fair, I'd consider negotiating. It is also possible she found another family who is offering more. Remember this is a business relationship to your nanny. It is always about the money.

My nanny did this to me when I was about to give birth to my second child. She told me that she was going to be out of town and needed a raise. I was able to call her bluff. I had local parents and I told her that if she couldn’t work for the agreed wages that my parents would take over and she would be out of a job. I told her that this would be unfortunate for my first born to whom she was attached as he transitioned to having a sibling. She very quickly dropped her demands. In your case, I would pay for now and start interviewing. This is very unprofessional behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a nanny, I can tell you that your nanny is 100% in the wrong here. I am sorry this is happening to you, OP. Give her the extorted money and then fire her ass ASAP. She is making such a stupid, short-sighted error here as she will need you for a reference.

+1

Not a nanny, but am not new to the game, OP. Here's the thing: she knows she has you over a barrel. BUT as PP states, she is being short sighted. We had a nanny for years part time - she had a full time gig, or a few, over the years - but was with us consistently for her part time gig. Anyway, she refused to do anything but watch television after the kids went to sleep, which was an hour or two into her four hour minimum. Needless to say, we guaranteed her hours, three shifts per week, as she required, but we always (always) spent more on the sitter than the actual date, and that got old quick. We were new parents and had plenty to do around the house - light dishes, light laundry. She could have easily have done one or the other to pitch in, especially since she was being paid top dollar for being an "experienced" nanny. Like I said, this went on for years. Finally, we just couldn't do it any more, and she lost out, because it became impractical. She owned three houses, and we were new parents saving for college and other expenses. Yeah, no. I strongly feel like you are being taken advantage of, OP. Not cool.

No, you had a babysitter. And you wanted her to clean your house and do your laundry (what is light laundry anyway?) after your kids went to bed? Good luck.

Seriously. I babysit part-time on top of my full-time job and if a family asked me to do dishes and laundry I’d no longer sit for them. I absolutely sit there and watch TV after kids are in bed. Completely different situation than a full-time job. Sounds like PP was just jealous of her part-time babysitter’s three houses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a nanny, I can tell you that your nanny is 100% in the wrong here. I am sorry this is happening to you, OP. Give her the extorted money and then fire her ass ASAP. She is making such a stupid, short-sighted error here as she will need you for a reference.

+1

Not a nanny, but am not new to the game, OP. Here's the thing: she knows she has you over a barrel. BUT as PP states, she is being short sighted. We had a nanny for years part time - she had a full time gig, or a few, over the years - but was with us consistently for her part time gig. Anyway, she refused to do anything but watch television after the kids went to sleep, which was an hour or two into her four hour minimum. Needless to say, we guaranteed her hours, three shifts per week, as she required, but we always (always) spent more on the sitter than the actual date, and that got old quick. We were new parents and had plenty to do around the house - light dishes, light laundry. She could have easily have done one or the other to pitch in, especially since she was being paid top dollar for being an "experienced" nanny. Like I said, this went on for years. Finally, we just couldn't do it any more, and she lost out, because it became impractical. She owned three houses, and we were new parents saving for college and other expenses. Yeah, no. I strongly feel like you are being taken advantage of, OP. Not cool.

No, you had a babysitter. And you wanted her to clean your house and do your laundry (what is light laundry anyway?) after your kids went to bed? Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:As a nanny, I can tell you that your nanny is 100% in the wrong here. I am sorry this is happening to you, OP. Give her the extorted money and then fire her ass ASAP. She is making such a stupid, short-sighted error here as she will need you for a reference.

+1

Not a nanny, but am not new to the game, OP. Here's the thing: she knows she has you over a barrel. BUT as PP states, she is being short sighted. We had a nanny for years part time - she had a full time gig, or a few, over the years - but was with us consistently for her part time gig. Anyway, she refused to do anything but watch television after the kids went to sleep, which was an hour or two into her four hour minimum. Needless to say, we guaranteed her hours, three shifts per week, as she required, but we always (always) spent more on the sitter than the actual date, and that got old quick. We were new parents and had plenty to do around the house - light dishes, light laundry. She could have easily have done one or the other to pitch in, especially since she was being paid top dollar for being an "experienced" nanny. Like I said, this went on for years. Finally, we just couldn't do it any more, and she lost out, because it became impractical. She owned three houses, and we were new parents saving for college and other expenses. Yeah, no. I strongly feel like you are being taken advantage of, OP. Not cool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand that you’re stressed right now. And this probably feels like a terrible time, but there is no good time to bring this up. If it makes you feel any better the nanny has probably been stressing out about this since you brought it up.

You said you talked to the nanny about added responsibilities earlier this month (so, already late in the pregnancy.) Did this include a raise for after the baby arrives? If not, she could be feeling very exploited being asked to do extra work, and longer hours for no extra pay. You would have been just as upset and emotional if she had brought this up when you had a newborn. From her prospective, you’re asking more and more and offering nothing in compensation. She probably feels backed into a corner as much as you do.

Second this. I'm curious: why did you choose to talk about added responsibilities so late in your pregnancy? You haven't responded to posters wondering about the amount of compensation, etc. Perhaps the compensation you offered is fair and appropriate, perhaps not. She doesn't think so.

You describe yourself as being backed into a corner, but you acknowledge a conversation with your nanny about adding responsibilities that took place only recently. Sounds like you might have backed her into a corner. She took some time to consider her options, a process probably complicated by real affection for your children, and then had another conversation involving pushback. You may not like her timing, but what about your timing? What were the terms you offered her?

Bottom line, this is a development that complicates things, but it doesn't need to take the joy away from your new arrival. Your nanny very likely had motivations that were reasonable and understandable, as did you. This is a blip, a nothing. Your new baby's birth, on the other hand, is monumentally wonderful. Congratulations, and enjoy!

Completely agree. OP, please try to see this from the nanny's perspective and consider whether you're being absolutely fair in terms of duties and pay. If you feel strongly that is the case, of course you can find someone else once you're through the immediate postpartum rough patch.

Anonymous wrote:I understand that you’re stressed right now. And this probably feels like a terrible time, but there is no good time to bring this up. If it makes you feel any better the nanny has probably been stressing out about this since you brought it up.

You said you talked to the nanny about added responsibilities earlier this month (so, already late in the pregnancy.) Did this include a raise for after the baby arrives? If not, she could be feeling very exploited being asked to do extra work, and longer hours for no extra pay. You would have been just as upset and emotional if she had brought this up when you had a newborn. From her prospective, you’re asking more and more and offering nothing in compensation. She probably feels backed into a corner as much as you do.

Second this. I'm curious: why did you choose to talk about added responsibilities so late in your pregnancy? You haven't responded to posters wondering about the amount of compensation, etc. Perhaps the compensation you offered is fair and appropriate, perhaps not. She doesn't think so.

You describe yourself as being backed into a corner, but you acknowledge a conversation with your nanny about adding responsibilities that took place only recently. Sounds like you might have backed her into a corner. She took some time to consider her options, a process probably complicated by real affection for your children, and then had another conversation involving pushback. You may not like her timing, but what about your timing? What were the terms you offered her?

Bottom line, this is a development that complicates things, but it doesn't need to take the joy away from your new arrival. Your nanny very likely had motivations that were reasonable and understandable, as did you. This is a blip, a nothing. Your new baby's birth, on the other hand, is monumentally wonderful. Congratulations, and enjoy!

All of the questions about whether the nanny is being paid enough and whether it’s reasonable for her to want more are missing the key issue here, which is that you don’t spring this on your employer two days before she’s about to have major surgery and doesn’t have the opportunity to work through it with you in a meaningful way. Whether her feelings on her employment are valid or not, this was calculated to be as coercive as possible, which isn’t how someone in a position of trust should behave.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are asking her to do extra hours and more duties, then its reasonable to give her a bit more money and a raise after the child is born. I don't think its unreasonable. This is her job. If you got more duties, more hours, etc. you would expect a raise. It sounds like you cannot afford three kids an a nanny and that is not her problem.

We're not talking about after my maternity leave, we're talking about more hours and money starting immediately like when I check into the hospital in two days. Oh, and she will no longer do the things we have been paying her to do.

Just curious - what are her hours and duties, and what are you paying her? Assuming you live in DMV.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like nanny was feeling exploited. You CAN find someone else. Care.com is bursting with women (and a few men) who are desperate for work and will accept whatever terms you favor. Show nanny that you aren’t a chump!

Thank you for this. It is scary to think about finding something/someone new so its hopeful to hear it can be done readily!

OP, I am pretty sure this person is being sarcastic. Yikes.

On the other hand if she hires someone desperate, at least she’ll be home on maternity leave. Being at home means you could probably deter anything truly horrible from happening with the kids. It’ll probably be easier to tell if the person generally sucks.

OP, while I can see why this is stressful to you, you're also about to require to to work a lot more hours (and presumably add a new charge to the books very soon).

Only you can say if you compensate your nanny fairly. If everything else is ok with her, then I would think hard about if you want to fire her over this.

I had a very, very good nanny for my newborn DS, and I noticed that when it came to discussing pay and benefits, she could be uncharacteristically blunt and even a bit paranoid sometimes (like a tone in her voice assuming that we were trying to nickle & dime her). I attributed this to cultural differences and power differentials (she was Salvadoran). What I think is that she REALLY wanted to be paid a fair wage, but would get very nervous/stressed and sometimes a little overwhelmed when discussing terms. So this could emerge as abrupt or somewhat edgy-sounding.

At the end of the day, she was a GREAT nanny, and I actually appreciated that she was adamant about getting paid in line with the market rates and making her case for it. To me, that indicated that she viewed herself as the professional I needed her to be.