Anonymous wrote:Friends and family know the labels. The labels don’t begin to encapsulate the experiences. I think I would disclose labels fairly matter of faculty enough and leave it at that if I were directly asked (for some insane reason) or if I felt moved to for any other reason. I think that but am never asked because I work to insulate myself from others and do not establish new friendships or relationships, so I don’t really know how quick I would be to offer others that information.

This.
I also know there was suspicion of abuse - CPS was called and I lied, thought foster care would be worse than home. Also had close friends that were abused - one mom beat my friend in front of me. We were 12. She said she wished she had my family because we were so nice. I told her that my parents just didn’t beat us in front of guests.
Honestly I don’t see a need to tell anyone. It doesn’t change anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you so much for sharing, and hugs to all of you. I've never told anyone because I come from a 'good' background and have a stable and happy life, and I doubt anyone would believe me if I described even a fraction of what I went through.

I was thinking the other day about how almost everyone I interact with has no idea, and whether I would know if one of my friends had had similar experiences ('abuse-dar' for lack of a better term). One follow-up - do any of you who responded think you can sense when someone else has had similar experiences? I know I wonder when someone speaks coldly of their parents.

I worry about whether I'll be able to keep hiding it when my parents die (particularly my mother). I am bracing for the day I have to 'act' like a grieving daughter (with deep apologies for this comment to those of you who lost parents you loved and grieved them).

OP, you may be surprised at how deeply you grieve your parents when they pass away. Brace yourself - or better yet, prepare yourself - for that. It's the final closed door on a basic human need to have a loving relationship with your parents, the loss of a deeply felt hope for the positive connection you deserved but didn't experience.

Nonsense. If a parent was really awful in their lifetime, then wouldn’t there be relief when they’re dead?

My dad struggled with the unanswered questions and having NEVER heard I love you from his mom. I think he held out hope until she died. Then, he didn’t have the emotional vocabulary to express how he felt. It took 19 years to be able to say it.

I told my dear friends some of it in high school and some in college. All of my boyfriends. Outside of my siblings, my husband knows the most.

At work, I have a boss who suspect went through a similar situation. We never talk about it but we’ve both hinted at it.

My spouse was neglected. I cried when he told me because some of the things he said were heartbreaking and picturing a little kid in those circumstances was awful. I think his best friend knows and that's about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you so much for sharing, and hugs to all of you. I've never told anyone because I come from a 'good' background and have a stable and happy life, and I doubt anyone would believe me if I described even a fraction of what I went through.

I was thinking the other day about how almost everyone I interact with has no idea, and whether I would know if one of my friends had had similar experiences ('abuse-dar' for lack of a better term). One follow-up - do any of you who responded think you can sense when someone else has had similar experiences? I know I wonder when someone speaks coldly of their parents.

I worry about whether I'll be able to keep hiding it when my parents die (particularly my mother). I am bracing for the day I have to 'act' like a grieving daughter (with deep apologies for this comment to those of you who lost parents you loved and grieved them).

OP, you may be surprised at how deeply you grieve your parents when they pass away. Brace yourself - or better yet, prepare yourself - for that. It's the final closed door on a basic human need to have a loving relationship with your parents, the loss of a deeply felt hope for the positive connection you deserved but didn't experience.

Nonsense. If a parent was really awful in their lifetime, then wouldn’t there be relief when they’re dead?

Because it's never that simple...isn't that obvious? This stuff is complex and difficult to interpret, understand, process. You don't just get one feeling...you probably get all of the feelings. Relief, grief, sadness, anger, loss, freedom, etc etc

It depends on the person I think. For me, I'm actually counting down the days for my abusive mom to pass away. She's contirbuted nothing to my life and I would be so glad to watch her die.

12:46 here. I think your reaction depends on where you are mentally. I was 20 when my father killed himself. I was still 'immersed' in the abuse environment and conditioned to love my father. There was a huge sense of relief but also a huge feeling of loss and fear. My father was the primary breadwinner. How were we going to live. My mother was also crushed and seeing her emotionality was tough.

But, as I overcame my conditioning and better understood what had happened to us (over the course of a few years), my outlooked changed. It's been over 30 years since that bastard killed himself and, looking back, it was the single best thing that has ever happened to me. I wish he'd done it sooner and not had the opportunity to inflict so much damage to me and my siblings. Had he not killed himself, I would have cut him off years ago and I'd be right with 22:19 - counting down the days.

*contributed

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you so much for sharing, and hugs to all of you. I've never told anyone because I come from a 'good' background and have a stable and happy life, and I doubt anyone would believe me if I described even a fraction of what I went through.

I was thinking the other day about how almost everyone I interact with has no idea, and whether I would know if one of my friends had had similar experiences ('abuse-dar' for lack of a better term). One follow-up - do any of you who responded think you can sense when someone else has had similar experiences? I know I wonder when someone speaks coldly of their parents.

I worry about whether I'll be able to keep hiding it when my parents die (particularly my mother). I am bracing for the day I have to 'act' like a grieving daughter (with deep apologies for this comment to those of you who lost parents you loved and grieved them).

OP, you may be surprised at how deeply you grieve your parents when they pass away. Brace yourself - or better yet, prepare yourself - for that. It's the final closed door on a basic human need to have a loving relationship with your parents, the loss of a deeply felt hope for the positive connection you deserved but didn't experience.

Nonsense. If a parent was really awful in their lifetime, then wouldn’t there be relief when they’re dead?

Because it's never that simple...isn't that obvious? This stuff is complex and difficult to interpret, understand, process. You don't just get one feeling...you probably get all of the feelings. Relief, grief, sadness, anger, loss, freedom, etc etc

It depends on the person I think. For me, I'm actually counting down the days for my abusive mom to pass away. She's contirbuted nothing to my life and I would be so glad to watch her die.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you so much for sharing, and hugs to all of you. I've never told anyone because I come from a 'good' background and have a stable and happy life, and I doubt anyone would believe me if I described even a fraction of what I went through.

I was thinking the other day about how almost everyone I interact with has no idea, and whether I would know if one of my friends had had similar experiences ('abuse-dar' for lack of a better term). One follow-up - do any of you who responded think you can sense when someone else has had similar experiences? I know I wonder when someone speaks coldly of their parents.

I worry about whether I'll be able to keep hiding it when my parents die (particularly my mother). I am bracing for the day I have to 'act' like a grieving daughter (with deep apologies for this comment to those of you who lost parents you loved and grieved them).

OP, you may be surprised at how deeply you grieve your parents when they pass away. Brace yourself - or better yet, prepare yourself - for that. It's the final closed door on a basic human need to have a loving relationship with your parents, the loss of a deeply felt hope for the positive connection you deserved but didn't experience.

Nonsense. If a parent was really awful in their lifetime, then wouldn’t there be relief when they’re dead?

Because it's never that simple...isn't that obvious? This stuff is complex and difficult to interpret, understand, process. You don't just get one feeling...you probably get all of the feelings. Relief, grief, sadness, anger, loss, freedom, etc etc

I tell people when I feel it is safe to do so, if I feel close to that person and or if I feel in some way it will help them or help lessen the shame around abuse. Sometimes I have regretted telling, but most of the time I probably don't say it enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you so much for sharing, and hugs to all of you. I've never told anyone because I come from a 'good' background and have a stable and happy life, and I doubt anyone would believe me if I described even a fraction of what I went through.

I was thinking the other day about how almost everyone I interact with has no idea, and whether I would know if one of my friends had had similar experiences ('abuse-dar' for lack of a better term). One follow-up - do any of you who responded think you can sense when someone else has had similar experiences? I know I wonder when someone speaks coldly of their parents.

I worry about whether I'll be able to keep hiding it when my parents die (particularly my mother). I am bracing for the day I have to 'act' like a grieving daughter (with deep apologies for this comment to those of you who lost parents you loved and grieved them).

OP, you may be surprised at how deeply you grieve your parents when they pass away. Brace yourself - or better yet, prepare yourself - for that. It's the final closed door on a basic human need to have a loving relationship with your parents, the loss of a deeply felt hope for the positive connection you deserved but didn't experience.

Nonsense. If a parent was really awful in their lifetime, then wouldn’t there be relief when they’re dead?