Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:18     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Do you have an amount in mind of what you are willing to pay? Since you seem to have preference for the other DD you may want to force yourself into fairness now by talking with DH and setting an equal amount for each.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:17     Subject: Re:Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:My parents footed the entire bill. My in-laws seemed to think this was expected.


Of course they did. Most parents of sons are glad to have sons when it comes time to pay for a wedding.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:16     Subject: Re:Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:I thought that the idea of my parents paying for my wedding was silly. They were generous enough to contribute a set amount for it and so were DH's parents. This was by no means expected and their contributions were very much appreciated. Given my personal experience, if OP didn't raise her DD thinking she was getting a wedding fund, I'm not sure why the DD would think her parents would pay for it. A contribution would be a nice gesture.

If the parents also use it as a professional event or to meet some social obligations for themselves (which I think could be fine) then it makes sense for them to kick in more.


Who would use their kid's wedding as a professional event? I'm not even sure what that means. You mean like a conference of sorts?
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:15     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:I got married three years ago. My parents gave $5K as a gift - like delivered the day before the wedding (so that money didn’t actually help pay for the wedding).

My parents also gave my brother $5K when he got married 18 years ago. He’s now divorced and engaged again. No idea what the rate is for second marriages.

Anyway, my parents specifically said they’d pay for the ring (!) and then they offered to pay for the ceremony only. We declined both offers because we wanted to pick out what we wanted (and didn’t want to hear “gee, I can’t believe this costs so much, so I went on google and ordered something from amazon instead).

Team = set amount


Lollllll "pay for ceremony only". My ceremony was free. We're religious and it was in our church. Unless the ceremony also means the church flowers, wedding dress and organ too?

My in laws paid for rehearsal dinner only. We didn't know what that meant so we did what we're could afford. I spend days making pulled pork butt and sides. Total cost was $100. That's all my inlaws gave us. Didn't even pay for their plates at my wedding.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:14     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:We got married almost ten years ago. My parents and my husband's parents each gave us $10k for the wedding. We got married in the DC area, had about 200 people at the wedding - which was very casual. The $20k paid for nearly everything including our wedding clothes. We loved our wedding, and we were so grateful for the help.

We were old enough we shouldn't have needed it. Without our parents' help, we probably would have gotten married in one of their backyards - which would also have been nice.


+1 2011 wedding.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:13     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:My dd is 26. We're not thrilled with this engagement, though we do love her fiance. They have been living together (with her fiance's parents) for the past 3-4 years. Are parents still paying for weddings these days?


1/3 the couple
1/3 her parents
1/3 his parents

monetary gifts cover 1/3 back to couple.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 22:08     Subject: Re:Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
My parents footed the entire bill. My in-laws seemed to think this was expected.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 21:55     Subject: Re:Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
I thought that the idea of my parents paying for my wedding was silly. They were generous enough to contribute a set amount for it and so were DH's parents. This was by no means expected and their contributions were very much appreciated. Given my personal experience, if OP didn't raise her DD thinking she was getting a wedding fund, I'm not sure why the DD would think her parents would pay for it. A contribution would be a nice gesture.

If the parents also use it as a professional event or to meet some social obligations for themselves (which I think could be fine) then it makes sense for them to kick in more.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 21:10     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
I agree with the posters that say it depends on your social circle. My parents specifically had a wedding fund for me and my sister so that they could pay for the entire wedding. I was always told about this growing up so it wasn’t unexpected. I was 26 when I got married and in law school so paying for my own wedding would not have been an option.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 21:09     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No. Most brides AND grooms parents pay half. It’s sexist to only pay for a daughter’s wedding IMO. I’m 32 and that’s what most of my friends parents did. (My parents gave us a flat amount and in-laws gave nothing)

YOU MEAN MOST OF YOUR FRIENDS, not MOST people. INSERT EYEROLL.
Grown ass people pay for their own weddings. If any parents can gift them something to put towards it, great. If not, don’t get married If you cannot afford it


Seriously, right?

So the future bride and groom go out and book caterers, photographer, the venue, reception hall, DJ, order the wedding cake, flowers and wedding clothes......and then hand that whopper of a bill to their speechless parents. Mom, Dad - we need your half of the money by Thursday afternoon. Tootles!

Dream on Alice.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 21:07     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Kick in an amount that you want to pay, be it $500, $2,000 or $20,000.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 21:02     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
They can pay themselves. We did.
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 21:01     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:Can I just say...my long time partner and I live together woh his parents. It’s tough, but my partners mom knew we couldn’t afford to move out on our own. However, if and when we get married I do not expect my parents or IL’s to pay anything. It would be great if they offered, but I’m latina so most of the times family helps.


I actually think that a young couple living with their parents can be a sign of maturity. It might actually be easier to move out, rack up debt, drop out of college.....but it probably makes better financial sense to keep your expenses/debt low, finish college and live in your parents' basement until you are ready to give yourself a good start.

Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 20:52     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
Anonymous wrote:No. Most brides AND grooms parents pay half. It’s sexist to only pay for a daughter’s wedding IMO. I’m 32 and that’s what most of my friends parents did. (My parents gave us a flat amount and in-laws gave nothing)

YOU MEAN MOST OF YOUR FRIENDS, not MOST people. INSERT EYEROLL.
Grown ass people pay for their own weddings. If any parents can gift them something to put towards it, great. If not, don’t get married If you cannot afford it
Anonymous
Post 07/23/2019 20:43     Subject: Is paying for a daughter's wedding still a thing?
We got married almost ten years ago. My parents and my husband's parents each gave us $10k for the wedding. We got married in the DC area, had about 200 people at the wedding - which was very casual. The $20k paid for nearly everything including our wedding clothes. We loved our wedding, and we were so grateful for the help.

We were old enough we shouldn't have needed it. Without our parents' help, we probably would have gotten married in one of their backyards - which would also have been nice.