Anonymous wrote:I had to spank my daughter a handful of times when she was 4. That was a tough year for us. I didn't spank her hard, but it kind of functioned as a "reset button". She'd cry, and then she'd be sad instead of horrible, and I could work with that, and we'd move on. After that, I could use the threat of a spank as a potential consequence and she hated the idea so much that she would behave so as to avoid a spanking. I got spanked a handful of times when I was a kid, when I did something really bad. I'm not f'ed up because of it.

You absolutely are f'd up, since you've turned into an adult that believes that your power and size differential entitles you to hit a HELPLESS CHILD when you are sufficiently irritated while telling yourself that you're just "disciplining" rather than engaging in CHILD ABUSE.

I’d lose it too!
So blessed my 3 were easy kids and never had tantrums
Please don’t feel bad for losing your cool.

I think theres a difference btwn a slap and a spanking - the latter usually longer duration. I did smack my kids in the bottom until around 3ish, when they were old enougn to reason with.
Then we started the 1-2-3 method with time outs or other punishment. I think a smack in the bottom is ok as a reset and warranted for dangerous behavior - you prob should have done it sooner before you lost control, which just makes the situation worse.
Find the balance for an effective tool at that age, a smack does not constitue bad parenting or permanent damage (like the saying, prob hurt you more than them), and honesty constant yelling is more abusive in my opinion.

Dont beat yourself up. Parents have several methods to help kids comply. I'm sure many of the people on here saying spanking is wrong are the people who dont discipline discipline or watch their kids at all. While I choose not to spank i dont totally disregard parenting. I have gone to a few places recently where kids are no longer allowed. This is because parents who think ignoring undesirable behavior is all they should do.

I had to spank my daughter a handful of times when she was 4. That was a tough year for us. I didn't spank her hard, but it kind of functioned as a "reset button". She'd cry, and then she'd be sad instead of horrible, and I could work with that, and we'd move on. After that, I could use the threat of a spank as a potential consequence and she hated the idea so much that she would behave so as to avoid a spanking.

I got spanked a handful of times when I was a kid, when I did something really bad. I'm not f'ed up because of it.

Unfortunately your kid is too young right now to use logic to get her to behave. Hopefully this will be a short phase and you have better days ahead.

My daughter was an impossible toddler. From the ages of 2.5 to 4, I was sure she was going to be a sociopath. She had tantrums all the time. Now she's 7 and lovely. Turns out she is an extremely determined, focused person which is fantastic but means she was focused and determined about ridiculous things at 2.5.

Anyway, one of my friends had had a similar child and she showed me a video of her daughter having a tantrum where my friend had gone outside on their balcony and left the kid inside to rage because she couldn't take it anymore. That video and my friend's telling me that made me feel so much better.

Many of us have been there with a kid who is a "little extra." Don't beat yourself up, try to take a break and lower your expectations, and don't spank again. This too shall pass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need help, not your kid. I have a preschooler and toddler that I am home with 100% of the time. My spouse travels frequently for work. I don't have any family around or any help. I would have seen this as a time my older child needed more support from me and wouldn't have hired a sitter. Even if I screwed up by failing to set my child up for success in that way, I would've recognized my error as my child was melting down. That was on you. Slap yourself.

Sounds like you have some impulse control and perhaps anger management issues. Since those problems take a long time to work through and you have two small children that need a competent mother now, I recommend CBD or THC or something so you can chill the f out and not react in anger towards a toddler ffs.

Apparently you channel all your anger towards strangers on the internet.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need help, not your kid. I have a preschooler and toddler that I am home with 100% of the time. My spouse travels frequently for work. I don't have any family around or any help. I would have seen this as a time my older child needed more support from me and wouldn't have hired a sitter. Even if I screwed up by failing to set my child up for success in that way, I would've recognized my error as my child was melting down. That was on you. Slap yourself.

Sounds like you have some impulse control and perhaps anger management issues. Since those problems take a long time to work through and you have two small children that need a competent mother now, I recommend CBD or THC or something so you can chill the f out and not react in anger towards a toddler ffs.

lady, wait until your kids are perfect adults to be so self-righteous.

wait... you're recommending pot? like, watching kids while high? that might not go well.

Anonymous wrote:You need help, not your kid. I have a preschooler and toddler that I am home with 100% of the time. My spouse travels frequently for work. I don't have any family around or any help. I would have seen this as a time my older child needed more support from me and wouldn't have hired a sitter. Even if I screwed up by failing to set my child up for success in that way, I would've recognized my error as my child was melting down. That was on you. Slap yourself.

Sounds like you have some impulse control and perhaps anger management issues. Since those problems take a long time to work through and you have two small children that need a competent mother now, I recommend CBD or THC or something so you can chill the f out and not react in anger towards a toddler ffs.

lady, wait until your kids are perfect adults to be so self-righteous.

Anonymous wrote:Earlier bedtime (7 pm or earlier) and leaving plenty of transition time from A to B. Ie: no rushing off to daycare, or hurrying into bed at night. Leave plenty of time. Rushing stresses kids out.

The bolded, times a million.

Go back to basics with the kids. Make sure they have lots of sleep, good diet, hydration, and exercise.

If you need to eat off of paper plates or buy pre-prepared food while your DH is out of town, do what it takes to lower your stress level.

If you're doing all this and long meltdowns become a pattern with your DD, do bring it up with the pediatrician. It's normal for a 3yo to have tantrums, maybe even big ones when tired, 30 minute plus screaming fits can be more.

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at all the anti-spankers on DCUM.

I got spanked as a child and so did most of my friends.

I've had to spank my daughter all of 2 times in 4 years. She hasn't misbehaved or thrown a tantrum in over a year. Spanking worked for us.

np. worked for us, also.

Anonymous wrote:You need help, not your kid. I have a preschooler and toddler that I am home with 100% of the time. My spouse travels frequently for work. I don't have any family around or any help. I would have seen this as a time my older child needed more support from me and wouldn't have hired a sitter. Even if I screwed up by failing to set my child up for success in that way, I would've recognized my error as my child was melting down. That was on you. Slap yourself.

Sounds like you have some impulse control and perhaps anger management issues. Since those problems take a long time to work through and you have two small children that need a competent mother now, I recommend CBD or THC or something so you can chill the f out and not react in anger towards a toddler ffs.

OP - do not listen to this self righteous B.

Anonymous wrote:You need help, not your kid. I have a preschooler and toddler that I am home with 100% of the time. My spouse travels frequently for work. I don't have any family around or any help. I would have seen this as a time my older child needed more support from me and wouldn't have hired a sitter. Even if I screwed up by failing to set my child up for success in that way, I would've recognized my error as my child was melting down. That was on you. Slap yourself.

Sounds like you have some impulse control and perhaps anger management issues. Since those problems take a long time to work through and you have two small children that need a competent mother now, I recommend CBD or THC or something so you can chill the f out and not react in anger towards a toddler ffs.

Apparently you channel all your anger towards strangers on the internet.

You need help, not your kid. I have a preschooler and toddler that I am home with 100% of the time. My spouse travels frequently for work. I don't have any family around or any help. I would have seen this as a time my older child needed more support from me and wouldn't have hired a sitter. Even if I screwed up by failing to set my child up for success in that way, I would've recognized my error as my child was melting down. That was on you. Slap yourself.

Sounds like you have some impulse control and perhaps anger management issues. Since those problems take a long time to work through and you have two small children that need a competent mother now, I recommend CBD or THC or something so you can chill the f out and not react in anger towards a toddler ffs.