Anonymous
Post 07/17/2019 15:45     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Pushing ANYONE to get behind the wheel of a car when they don't want to, is the height of insanity.



I think you do not have experience with kids who are anxious.

I had to push my child to learn to swim. It took years. It was a necessary skill.

I had to push my child to ride a bike. It didn't take too long once I pushed, but I had waited years for her to be interested on her own. She wouldn't have learned without the push.

I have to push her to get learners permit and then I will have to push her to do the practice driving. It is just the way she is. If you simply wait for some kids to want to do something, they will be ill-prepared for life.

And as for brains not being fully developed until people are 25. Ummm.... how's that going to work out to try to teach a 25 yr old to drive? At that point, they are really self conscious about the fact that they don't know how to drive (realizing that most everyone else does), then they pay for a driving school (when they have a full time job???), and they have very little experience driving when they are in a job that requires them to take the company/gov. car to go do something??? I mean c'mon, man! (channelling Biden here).

Some kids simply have zero confidence and need to be pushed a bit to see that they CAN do something. As I always say -- true CONFIDENCE comes from COMPETENCE. So, as my kid sees that she can answer a good number of the permit questions right, she gains confidence that she can pass the written test. And then when she does that, we will start slow to give her confidence in doing small driving in open spaces. She CAN do it! She just doesn't believe she can. So, I have to break it down and push her to believe in herself. So, no, this isn't "insanity." It's called teaching. And it's called parenting the child you have.



Completely disagree. Would love to hear your kid's view on this.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2019 15:45     Subject: Re:Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
Anonymous wrote:Our daughter was kind of like that. We stopped encouraging and said you will get this done by X date. Why are you giving him a choice?


Why are you making your child?

Anonymous
Post 07/16/2019 10:09     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
Anonymous wrote:
Pushing ANYONE to get behind the wheel of a car when they don't want to, is the height of insanity.



I think you do not have experience with kids who are anxious.

I had to push my child to learn to swim. It took years. It was a necessary skill.

I had to push my child to ride a bike. It didn't take too long once I pushed, but I had waited years for her to be interested on her own. She wouldn't have learned without the push.

I have to push her to get learners permit and then I will have to push her to do the practice driving. It is just the way she is. If you simply wait for some kids to want to do something, they will be ill-prepared for life.

And as for brains not being fully developed until people are 25. Ummm.... how's that going to work out to try to teach a 25 yr old to drive? At that point, they are really self conscious about the fact that they don't know how to drive (realizing that most everyone else does), then they pay for a driving school (when they have a full time job???), and they have very little experience driving when they are in a job that requires them to take the company/gov. car to go do something??? I mean c'mon, man! (channelling Biden here).

Some kids simply have zero confidence and need to be pushed a bit to see that they CAN do something. As I always say -- true CONFIDENCE comes from COMPETENCE. So, as my kid sees that she can answer a good number of the permit questions right, she gains confidence that she can pass the written test. And then when she does that, we will start slow to give her confidence in doing small driving in open spaces. She CAN do it! She just doesn't believe she can. So, I have to break it down and push her to believe in herself. So, no, this isn't "insanity." It's called teaching. And it's called parenting the child you have.

Anonymous
Post 07/16/2019 00:53     Subject: Re:Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
Like a pp said, there is no reason to encourage a child to get a DL if there is ample, affordable public transportation. In Europe, people don't drive at 16. The rate of accidents decreases significantly by age up until over 65. This is not correlated by number of years driving either. Brains are not fully developed until 25. Not driving until then is more likely to save lives....your kid's or others.

I have the opposite problem. My dd has her permit in the state that lets you get it the soonest. She was dying to get it and she has been driving ranch vehicles on private property since she was 11. Still....I won't let her have her own car (not under my roof...her job money goes towards college) and she won't drive mine much at all. She won't need to do that...she can take public transportation, be green....AT the same time, she wants the independence and skills so I am letting her prove herself.
Anonymous
Post 07/16/2019 00:26     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license

Pushing ANYONE to get behind the wheel of a car when they don't want to, is the height of insanity.

Anonymous
Post 07/16/2019 00:21     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
Anonymous wrote:Too anxious to drive? Sweet mother of jesus what are we becoming? Can you imagine any member of the greatest generation saying they were too nervous to drive. You are not helping your kids by indulging this nonsense.


The greatest generation weren’t learning in 2019 DMV traffic with MD drivers yelling at them.

That said OP, my kid had like 3 behind the wheel hours 10 months after he got his learners permit and was literally refusing to leave the parking lot and drive on a street. So, I signed him up for behind the wheel through ACE, dropped him at the flagpole and the high school and drove away. Turns out the time behind the wheel with a professional instructor did, in fact, jump start his driving, and we were able to knock the rest of the hours out after that. It wasn’t a perfect solution though. He really didn’t have enough practice to get enough out of BTW, and he was not proficient enough to be certified at the end. So we hand to complete his hours over the next few months and re schedule and pay to retest later.

If I had it to do over, I would use the same basic approach, with a twist. There are driving schools that will do all 45 hours with your kid if you will pay for it. (So, so tempting). I would probably do the piece in the parking lot with him, and then hire a driving school to do the first 5-10 of actual on the road, in traffic hours. Just to get him started, with appointments he had to keep and a professional who wasn’t as anxious as I was, and that he would be less willing to argue with. Presented as will be done or every electronic device you have is gone. And then do the rest myself, and official BTW at the end, when it is most beneficial.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 17:51     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the great info. Any good driver school recs in the DMV area?


With my older ones we did I Drive Smart. But with my youngest, I chose Greg’s Driving School after a lot of parents recommended it and seeing that their kids seems to be responsible drivers. It’s less expensive than I Drive Smart and fit better in our schedule. DS recently finished the in class portion, and has done one of the in-car sessions.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 17:39     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
Anonymous wrote:Stop giving rides and take away the bus pass. Take him to an empty lot but don't tell him what you are doing and teach him one day. Let him get over the initial fear and don't give him advanced notice to say no.


This is so backwards thinking. The kid has a bus pass and his parents already don't give him rides. I know several "kids" who didn't get their licenses until colleges. They all survived just fine. Hell, in the city I know lots of adults who only have a driver's license for ID>

AS for getting more practice at 16, also not necessary. A 20 year old is more mature than an

18 year old who is more mature than a 16 year old. They tend to pick it up quickly and safely as they get older.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with delaying a license if it doesn't affect your life.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 15:26     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
I see it now as my job as a parent to make her a good driver. More practice at 16 makes her better than if we started at 18.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 07:39     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
Anonymous wrote:I was extremely anxious about driving as a teen, and my 14 year old is terrified of it.

You can push, but please realize that if he's anxious, he'll take a lot more time to feel comfortable behind the wheel than a regular young person and it will impact his driving skills. It took me YEARS.

PP, addressing anxiety looks very different from allowing a child to stay in denial about a task, and to completely avoid it. It's important not to conflate the two.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 07:29     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
I don't get the rush. If he doesn't need it and doesn't want it--there is no harm in delaying it a bit (and a huge insurance savings!) I didn't get my license until I was almost 18 and it was not remotely a big deal. I walked places, a friend picked me up, and very occasionally my parents drove me. It caused me absolutely no issues socially or in terms of developing responsibility.
No anxiety, no trauma, I just wasn't interested at 16. By 18 I was. I knew how to drive before I went off to college, which is what I would use as a benchmark.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 07:22     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Too anxious to drive? Sweet mother of jesus what are we becoming? Can you imagine any member of the greatest generation saying they were too nervous to drive. You are not helping your kids by indulging this nonsense.


Totally agree that the kid needs to get the license. But I would imagine that many people of the generation you mention had anxiety about many things. They repressed it, became alcoholics, and croaked at an early age.


Is there actually any science to support this assertion? C’mon. Kids today have everything done for them. They never have to step outside their comfort zone. Oh you don’t like your baseball coach? Okay you don’t have to play baseball. It’s too warm in your bedroom? Let’s get you your own air conditioner. Bobby made fun of you? I’ll call his mom and have you moved out of his class. Kids are anxious because we’ve allowed them to get that way by never having to confront anything uncomfortable or scary head on.
Anonymous
Post 07/14/2019 00:20     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Too anxious to drive? Sweet mother of jesus what are we becoming? Can you imagine any member of the greatest generation saying they were too nervous to drive. You are not helping your kids by indulging this nonsense.


Totally agree that the kid needs to get the license. But I would imagine that many people of the generation you mention had anxiety about many things. They repressed it, became alcoholics, and croaked at an early age.


Because those are the choices - indulge nonsense or die of alcoholism. Come on. Teach the selves to pull themselves together and just drive. They are going to CVS not to Mars. Everyone is anxious about things all the time. You can choose to hide from it or move forward.
Anonymous
Post 07/13/2019 14:19     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
Anonymous wrote:Too anxious to drive? Sweet mother of jesus what are we becoming? Can you imagine any member of the greatest generation saying they were too nervous to drive. You are not helping your kids by indulging this nonsense.


Totally agree that the kid needs to get the license. But I would imagine that many people of the generation you mention had anxiety about many things. They repressed it, became alcoholics, and croaked at an early age.
Anonymous
Post 07/13/2019 12:39     Subject: Encouraging my teen to get drivers license
We had challenges after he failed the test. Many boys do - because they are cocky and think the answers are "obvious" rather than "in the book." He failed so miserably the tester gave him a bit of a lecture.

We gave the kid 2 months to start studying on his own and then came down hard with quizzing him nightly until we thought he knew it well enough.

I personally think that VA lets them drive too young and that some aren't ready because they've internalized a message about safety that we were never told. We didn't start with the forcing (above) too early because we knew fear was part of the issue but we did make sure he got his license before senior year was half way through.