Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 11:18     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.


Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.


No, I think some cultures (which does not equate to race, btw) have different standards of hospitality, where denying your guests food would be unthinkable.

I learned this when I lived abroad in Spain. Some American grad students threw a party with booze only. The Spaniards were amazed and embarrassed that there was no food!


Oh really? Which white culture are we discussing? Irish? British? French? New York Jewish? American Southern? Midwestern? No one has said anything but WHITE.


The one that closes the kitchen and starves people obviously. Keep up.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 10:44     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.


Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.

I am Indian and I have never ever seen this behavior among my very large circle of family and friends either in India or the US. If anything its the opposite problem, with aunties and grandmas trying to push more food on everyone.


At least two posters in this thread were describing being starving in Indian households, lest you think your culture is "above" this:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/691252.page#12104119

28 pages? Certainly seems to have struck a nerve with you.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 10:34     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.


Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.


No, I think some cultures (which does not equate to race, btw) have different standards of hospitality, where denying your guests food would be unthinkable.

I learned this when I lived abroad in Spain. Some American grad students threw a party with booze only. The Spaniards were amazed and embarrassed that there was no food!


Oh really? Which white culture are we discussing? Irish? British? French? New York Jewish? American Southern? Midwestern? No one has said anything but WHITE.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 10:32     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:Can I say there’s a HUGE difference between not allowing random snacking or closing the kitchen after dinner and closing the kitchen between breakfast and dinner. Huge.


Why not a happy medium and let people serve themselves, and clean up after themselves?
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 10:32     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:Can I say there’s a HUGE difference between not allowing random snacking or closing the kitchen after dinner and closing the kitchen between breakfast and dinner. Huge.


One difference... it’s OK to tell your kids no snacks after dinner because you are trying to get them to eat their dinner and then go to bed. It’s not OK, to tell your adult children who are now guests what they can and can’t eat and then get all nasty when they try to eat Kind bars or you know, go out to eat lunch. There is a world of difference here.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 10:24     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Can I say there’s a HUGE difference between not allowing random snacking or closing the kitchen after dinner and closing the kitchen between breakfast and dinner. Huge.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 09:56     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.


Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.

I am Indian and I have never ever seen this behavior among my very large circle of family and friends either in India or the US. If anything its the opposite problem, with aunties and grandmas trying to push more food on everyone.


At least two posters in this thread were describing being starving in Indian households, lest you think your culture is "above" this:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/691252.page#12104119


Look, it's not an issue to talk about cultural norms. Cultures have different norms, especially around food. If that weren't true, then all cuisines would be exactly the same. Obviously there can be outliers in every culture. But to point out that certain cultures have a norm of feeding guests is not some kind of controversial thing.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 09:52     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.


Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.


No, I think some cultures (which does not equate to race, btw) have different standards of hospitality, where denying your guests food would be unthinkable.

I learned this when I lived abroad in Spain. Some American grad students threw a party with booze only. The Spaniards were amazed and embarrassed that there was no food!
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 09:50     Subject: Re:s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My mom is like this. She was like this when we were kids. I grew up in an affluent neighborhood, my parents had plenty of money, but I was always hungry. I can remember going to people's houses and finding out that they had things like left overs and family style meals where you could choose how much you ate, and being amazed. In my family, my mother would buy exactly what she thought we should eat for the week. So, if we were having chicken on Tuesday she'd buy 5 chicken drumsticks, one for each family member, and 5 small rolls, and measure out exactly 5 1/2 cups of frozen vegetables. She'd boast about how her kids always cleaned their plates, but that was because we were hungry!!


This is so sad.


Did your mom grow up in poverty, or have an eating disorder? I have a relative like this, and she has both (poverty in childhood & an eating disorder).
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 09:44     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.


Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.

I am Indian and I have never ever seen this behavior among my very large circle of family and friends either in India or the US. If anything its the opposite problem, with aunties and grandmas trying to push more food on everyone.


At least two posters in this thread were describing being starving in Indian households, lest you think your culture is "above" this:
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/691252.page#12104119
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 09:41     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:Anyone who closes a kitchen without providing for three square meals is nuts. Providing doesn’t mean cooking.

I’ve used the expression. It doesn’t mean you can’t help yourself. But god help you if you create work for me.


I hope you are clarifying what you mean by a "closed kitchen," because clearly, as evidenced by this very thread, people have experienced it to mean many different things, and may draw incorrect assumptions by you using the phrase.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 09:39     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.


Some white people maybe. My mom will make ten times the amount of food needed for any type of guest. The biggest problem with being her guest is trying to leave without being overfull.


Should we start discussing some other issues as "cultural" things, like that would make it OK? You may be interested to know the demographics of the vast majority of people I've met who are on time, drive well, speak English properly, and "trust banks."
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 09:33     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.


Some white people maybe. My mom will make ten times the amount of food needed for any type of guest. The biggest problem with being her guest is trying to leave without being overfull.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 09:31     Subject: Re:s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:My mom is like this. She was like this when we were kids. I grew up in an affluent neighborhood, my parents had plenty of money, but I was always hungry. I can remember going to people's houses and finding out that they had things like left overs and family style meals where you could choose how much you ate, and being amazed. In my family, my mother would buy exactly what she thought we should eat for the week. So, if we were having chicken on Tuesday she'd buy 5 chicken drumsticks, one for each family member, and 5 small rolls, and measure out exactly 5 1/2 cups of frozen vegetables. She'd boast about how her kids always cleaned their plates, but that was because we were hungry!!


I have noticed while there are lots of kids that are naturally skinny, there are some kids who i assume are naturally skinny but it is because their parents restrict their food. I have seen them sneaking food from friends at the pool. Some women do not get that kids need to eat more as they grow up.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2019 09:11     Subject: s/o kitchen is closed
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.


Can we not make this a "cultural" (race) thing? It's clearly a control thing, a "frugality" thing, a food-issues thing, an OCD clean thing. Those dynamics cross all cultures and races and regions and backgrounds, so let's not with that.


I appreciate you saying this. My parents are fine, didn’t abuse me, and I honestly believe did they beat they could to raise me. But! They do the whole kitchen is closed thing. This board is sometimes a good reminder that such behavior is NOT normal. It helps me realize why I don’t want to visit them (and also why I shouldn’t feel guilty about it even though they were good parents. You can only take so much. And I’d say your parents acting like you are nuts because you, DH, and two toddlers want to eat three meals a day is not something you should need to put up with.