Anonymous wrote:Hi all,
This is very new to me .. but here it goes . I have 2 boys from previous relationship ( this was a toxic one and also abusive from his part) been divorced for the last 6 years and haven’t been in a serious relationship ever since then, and kids never knew none of the guys I dated briefly . I started a relationship with this guys 6 months ago and things are going great and I actually see a future with him . I introduce the kids to him 2 months ago and they seemed fine with it, given the fact that they only saw him 3 times and during those times we were at the park and eating ice cream . After the last time on of the boys saw him ( the oldest 10 years old ) he became jealous and doesn’t want to see him again and doesn’t want me to date him . It’s like a complete 180 with him . What to do in these case? How can I approach to him ?

OP, you could have been my mom 20 years ago. She chose the guy. Turns out he had some serious issues, she should have listened to me and my sister. She consistently put men before me and my sister. It affects our relationship to this day.

Your kids come first. Listen to them. Be prepared to let this man go.

^^ meant — make sure it’s JUST jealousy

I’d give it time; it is probably too soon. You can date this guy without integrating him into your family just yet. While it’s true your kids can’t veto your ability to date, I think you need to respect their feelings and they shouldn’t be required to spend time with this guy. They can know you’re dating and you can talk about your BF and answer any questions they have...this gives them they time and space to process things and get used to the idea. Ultimately, your kids are your priority, and while they’re young, their comfort takes precedence over your romantic life.

Also - make sure it’s not just jealousy. They could be getting above about this particular guy. I had that reaction to one man my mom dated while I was young, and couldn’t put it into words; I was just uncomfortable around him. My mom “got it” and stopped dating him. I loved my stepfather right away (though I realize that doesn’t always happen).

Anonymous wrote:When should OP reintroduce? At month 8? 9? 14?

When things are more solidified than her “seeing” a future with him.
When she is ready to discuss with her children that this man is important to her, but that they still come first.
When she is ready to get her children counselling for them to deal with their feelings of loss from the divorce, if needed.
When she is ready to balance time between her wants and what her children need, while furthering the relationship with her BF.

Anonymous wrote:When should OP reintroduce? At month 8? 9? 14?

I’d wait at least until month 13 and a serious discussion about the future. The kids are probably nervous the guy will either hurt mom or replace them.

When should OP reintroduce? At month 8? 9? 14?