I have a 5 year old boy and 2 Irish Twin Girls under 2. Yes, I do wish my son had a same sex sibling but I'm happy he has a boy cousin who is only a week older and an only child at that so I am sure they are both thankfulf for each other!

I think from a personal growth perspective, having at least one of each is useful in helping to see how, in broad terms, the sexes differ, and it gives the children deeper exposure to those strange opposite-sex children and their peculiar preferences before dating/marriage/kids.

But you do lose out on sibling bonding, and on the good aspects of sibling competition. But that's true of any family structure. I have two and two, and there's a long list of things that we're missing out on as well - experience being a bigger family, experience with the more intense parental interaction of a smaller family, experience having one sex be the oldest/dominant sibling and not the other, different age structures, etc. And that doesn't even get into questions of personality. The road not taken...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From my perspective, having one of each was appealing. I'm glad I have a DD and I'm glad my DH has a DS. I like having both to parent.

BUT when I look at it from my kid's perspectives, I am sometimes sad my DD won't have a sister like I do. Women hold families together in different ways than men do. Obviously I'm less sad my DS won't have a brother, since that's not a relationship I have.

But no matter what someone is missing something. It's best to enjoy what you've got and do your best without worrying about things that are outside of your control.

Interesting. I'm glad my daughters have my husband. I am super close to my dad and that's the dynamic I most wanted to represent in our family.

But you cant plan dynamics that way. So much is dependent on personality. And, I think to a degree at least with grandparents, who comes first. I know very few if any families where the oldest grandchild isn't favored (even if not openly).

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely love my two boys and wouldn’t trade them, and really like being a mom of boys. I’d absolutely love a daughter though - I think women are pretty awesome, would love to see what a daughter of mine turned out like, and as others have said, worry a bit that I might not end up as close to my sons as adults as I might a daughter. (Like PPs, I also lost my mom before having kids). That said, DH is from a family of all boys and we’re pretty close to his parents.

I'm also a mom of only boys who is very close to my MIL. I think a lot of it especially as we move into generations less defined by traditional gender roles is about valuing and respecting family (from both sides - as in laws and marrying in). I LOVE my boys and their relationship and I hope to be a cool MIL to women someday.

Anonymous wrote:We have two girls and have never wanted a boy - either me or my husband. We couldn't be happier and we love them immensely. My best friend has two boys and feels the same way. Honestly, I feel sorry for people who think they're missing out on something but not having either another kid or a different gender. I understand why that may happen (infertility, lack of finances, etc.), and I don't mean that I feel sorry for them in a mean way, I mean I genuinely feel sorry for people who aren't perfectly happy with the family they have.

You can be perfectly happy with the family you have but also understand that having any one family configuration means you don't get to experience a different kind of configuration that has it's own joys. It's not just gender but number of kids, spacing, etc. I have a boy and girl close in age. Love my kids and having one of each and close in age. But I know there are aspects of an all-boys family, an all-girls family, a family with 4 kids, a family where the kids are several years apart, and so on, that simply are not part of this life but would be wonderful too. Doesn't mean I'm not happy with what I have.

Mom of two girls here and I absolutely love it. But I am sure I would love two boys and I am sure I would love one of each.

Anonymous wrote:From my perspective, having one of each was appealing. I'm glad I have a DD and I'm glad my DH has a DS. I like having both to parent.

BUT when I look at it from my kid's perspectives, I am sometimes sad my DD won't have a sister like I do. Women hold families together in different ways than men do. Obviously I'm less sad my DS won't have a brother, since that's not a relationship I have.

But no matter what someone is missing something. It's best to enjoy what you've got and do your best without worrying about things that are outside of your control.

Interesting. I'm glad my daughters have my husband. I am super close to my dad and that's the dynamic I most wanted to represent in our family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have only girls or only boys or one of each...as their parent is there really a difference in love or experience? Are we really missing out without one of each gender? Solve this once and for all for me. I am really happy with 2 from the same gender and never have thought otherwise. Why do other people think otherwise and finally is there really something to be missed?

The only people that can answer your question are people that have 2 of one gender for a while and then later have a third of another gender. Otherwise, how can you tell?

I am a mom to boys. I love my boys but I wish we could have had a daughter as well, mainly for how I idealistically imagine the mother-daughter relationship to be, especially after your child marries and has kids. My mom died when my oldest was a baby so I didn't get to experience it as a daughter. I worry that my boys' family will be much closer to his wife's family just because that is often how it is, though I'll do my best for that not to be the case.

PP, if it makes you feel any better I am way closer to my mother-in-law than I am to my mother, and she spends way more time with me and my kids.

We have two girls and have never wanted a boy - either me or my husband. We couldn't be happier and we love them immensely. My best friend has two boys and feels the same way. Honestly, I feel sorry for people who think they're missing out on something but not having either another kid or a different gender. I understand why that may happen (infertility, lack of finances, etc.), and I don't mean that I feel sorry for them in a mean way, I mean I genuinely feel sorry for people who aren't perfectly happy with the family they have.

I absolutely love my two boys and wouldn’t trade them, and really like being a mom of boys. I’d absolutely love a daughter though - I think women are pretty awesome, would love to see what a daughter of mine turned out like, and as others have said, worry a bit that I might not end up as close to my sons as adults as I might a daughter. (Like PPs, I also lost my mom before having kids). That said, DH is from a family of all boys and we’re pretty close to his parents.

It's hard to say. I have 2 sons and 1 daughter. I do feel really close to my daughter. But it's hard to say whether that is because she is a girl or just her personality etc.

I would hope everyone thinks their kids’ sexes is the perfect family for them! I can’t imagine wishing my kids were different people than they are. We have boy, girl, girl - and of course, I love having that mix but if they had all been boys or girls I would have loved that, too.
M