Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why everyone is concluding that this guy doesn't like spending time with his own family? Clearly it's that he doesn't like OP and her bratty kids. Also, it's normal to want adult time with your own friends. Not everyone likes to socialize in a group -- much less with a bunch of kids and spouses around.

NP. Do you people not read?

From the OP:

"I feel somewhat insulted but then DH told me it is because he doesn’t like HIS wife and kids, not because of me and our kids."

So this guy told OP's DH, "Man, my wife and kids really suck." Or DH is just throwing stuff out into the wind?

I mean...

-The OP could be lying or misinterpreting.
-The OP's husband could be lying or misinterpreting.
-Mr. "Let's Grab a Drink" could be lying or miscommunicating or
-It could be an accurate portrayal of the man's feelings toward his family.

But that line in the OP is why "everyone is concluding this guy doesn't like spending time with his own family."

That said, I wouldn't be shocked if Mr. Drink told OP's DH something like, "Ugh, sometimes you just have to get OUT of the house, with all the nagging and whining, amirite?" Only because I've heard that before.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why everyone is concluding that this guy doesn't like spending time with his own family? Clearly it's that he doesn't like OP and her bratty kids. Also, it's normal to want adult time with your own friends. Not everyone likes to socialize in a group -- much less with a bunch of kids and spouses around.

NP. Do you people not read?

From the OP:

"I feel somewhat insulted but then DH told me it is because he doesn’t like HIS wife and kids, not because of me and our kids."

So this guy told OP's DH, "Man, my wife and kids really suck." Or DH is just throwing stuff out into the wind?

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why everyone is concluding that this guy doesn't like spending time with his own family? Clearly it's that he doesn't like OP and her bratty kids. Also, it's normal to want adult time with your own friends. Not everyone likes to socialize in a group -- much less with a bunch of kids and spouses around.

NP. Do you people not read?

From the OP:

"I feel somewhat insulted but then DH told me it is because he doesn’t like HIS wife and kids, not because of me and our kids."

Anonymous wrote:The guy sounds kind of immature, but I don't understand why OP is so offended by all of this. DH is perfectly capable of declining invites. Why the need to control your entire family's interactions with this other family?

Be OP is a whack job, frankly.

The guy sounds kind of immature, but I don't understand why OP is so offended by all of this. DH is perfectly capable of declining invites. Why the need to control your entire family's interactions with this other family?

Anonymous wrote:You don’t want him to take DH away from family time, yet you are fixated on the late night drinks. At least that isn’t family time!

+1

It seems like the guy is trying to be more respectful of "family time" by doing it when the kids are in bed. Would you have less of a problem with it, OP, if he wanted your Dh to go out for drinks around 7 pm (bath, story, and bed time?)

I think it's generally healthy for men to have "guy time" with some buddies and women to have "girl time" with some girlfriends, away from the spouses and kids. It seems like this is what the guy is trying to do; he's just looking for a buddy.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure why everyone is concluding that this guy doesn't like spending time with his own family? Clearly it's that he doesn't like OP and her bratty kids. Also, it's normal to want adult time with your own friends. Not everyone likes to socialize in a group -- much less with a bunch of kids and spouses around.

+1. Here's what's going on. This guy has spent the last 10 years gradually having friends drift away because he and his friends have all been more and more focused on their families. He's met a few other dads through school and kids' activities, but finally really "clicks" with OP's DH as a friend. So he wants to do what friends do, find some time to hang out, especially because he's going through a rough patch in his marriage and could use another sane dude to talk to without the combined total of 6 kids running around. He loves his own family, is lukewarm on OP's brood, and in any event "more time around kids" is not the missing ingredient from his life. The guy would rather that he and OP's DH grab a bite, but dinners are family time, so he proposes a drink after dinner at 9pm. This being DCUM, OP exaggerates it to 11pm for dramatic effect. DCUM commenters get a hold of it, and suddenly OP's DH's friend is on the DL, hates his family, is getting a divorce, and only ever wants to go clubbing at 1am.

Seriously, guys. I know the mantra of DCUM is "if it makes you feel good or is something you want to do, then you're a bad parent," but it's really ok to want to grab a drink with a friend. OP, if your husband doesn't want to, he should say "no." If he wants to and it's something only occasional, he should say "yes" and you should let him. He should give you the same courtesy next time you want to gossip over a gimlet with the girls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has way better things to do than hang out with parents of our kids’ friends sans kids, let alone losing sleep to do it. Frankly, he sounds ridiculous.

DH already works a ton and has a lot of work related or alumni type events in the evenings he already often declines.

My peeve with this guy is that our kids are good friends. The mom actually always says my son is her son’s best friend.

Jesus, lady. What has happened is that the father of your kids best friend has taken a liking to your husband, and wants to do adult things like dinner or drinks with him. You yourself said your husband is likeable.

What about this situation peeves you, exactly? You think that because they met through your kid, all interactions need to include the kids?

You sound a little . . . off.

Actually no she doesn’t sound “off”, she sounds frustrated with the situation.

Her DH has limited time (and interest) for hanging out with this guy. The kids are friends and the dads like each other so getting together as a family is an easy solution. I bet her DH mentions “Oh Larlo’s dad Invited me to drinks again, and I don’t have time.” From her post it sounds like getting the boys together is also awkward because Larlo has an older nanny who speaks mostly Spanish. The boys are best friends (aoccording to Larlos mom) and Larlos dad seems really eager to hang out with DH. The obvious solution is to invite Larlos family for dinner or a weekend BBQ - the boys get to play and the dads can hang out - Yet Larlos dad always declines. The only reasons would be if he really doesn’t like OP, her kids or spending time with his own family.

This situation would be annoying for annoying. Every time her DH tells her about yet another invitation, she’s reminded that Larlos dad is essentially blocking many opportunities for her DS to hang out with his son and BFF.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do. Sometimes our children’s friends will have jerk parents. It is what is.

DH didn't indicate a lack of interest. OP just got "insulted' that someone wants to hang out with her husband separate from her.

People are allowed to have independent friendships and it's healthy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH has way better things to do than hang out with parents of our kids’ friends sans kids, let alone losing sleep to do it. Frankly, he sounds ridiculous.

DH already works a ton and has a lot of work related or alumni type events in the evenings he already often declines.

My peeve with this guy is that our kids are good friends. The mom actually always says my son is her son’s best friend.

Jesus, lady. What has happened is that the father of your kids best friend has taken a liking to your husband, and wants to do adult things like dinner or drinks with him. You yourself said your husband is likeable.

What about this situation peeves you, exactly? You think that because they met through your kid, all interactions need to include the kids?

You sound a little . . . off.

Actually no she doesn’t sound “off”, she sounds frustrated with the situation.

Her DH has limited time (and interest) for hanging out with this guy. The kids are friends and the dads like each other so getting together as a family is an easy solution. I bet her DH mentions “Oh Larlo’s dad Invited me to drinks again, and I don’t have time.” From her post it sounds like getting the boys together is also awkward because Larlo has an older nanny who speaks mostly Spanish. The boys are best friends (aoccording to Larlos mom) and Larlos dad seems really eager to hang out with DH. The obvious solution is to invite Larlos family for dinner or a weekend BBQ - the boys get to play and the dads can hang out - Yet Larlos dad always declines. The only reasons would be if he really doesn’t like OP, her kids or spending time with his own family.

This situation would be annoying for annoying. Every time her DH tells her about yet another invitation, she’s reminded that Larlos dad is essentially blocking many opportunities for her DS to hang out with his son and BFF.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do. Sometimes our children’s friends will have jerk parents. It is what is.

I'm not sure why everyone is concluding that this guy doesn't like spending time with his own family? Clearly it's that he doesn't like OP and her bratty kids. Also, it's normal to want adult time with your own friends. Not everyone likes to socialize in a group -- much less with a bunch of kids and spouses around.

Just because they met through their kids doesn't mean that the kids have to be the center of any friendship they have. I don't understand why this bothers you so much, frankly. Your husband seems perfectly capable of turning down invitations, so what's the issue? There is no requirement that friends be friends as families, rather than individuals. This guy doesn't like spending time with his own family, but that's not your problem. If your husband likes hanging out with him, there's nothing wrong with that.

Anonymous wrote:So he doesnt like his wife or kids? I'm guessing they're headed for a divorce?

+1

My BIL went through this another couple that they knew for years (from before kids) and then their kids ended up lining up perfectly on age and everyone got along but over time the other dh/dad stopped wanting to do anything family related and even on shared vacations tried to get my BIL to leave the wife and kids and go fishing alone all day. BIL actually likes spending time with my sister and nieces so started declining more because it was just an excessive amount of guy time. The other couple is now divorced and they are still friendly with the wife and her new partner but original dh is totally out of the picture still pretending he’s 22 with no responsibilities (and certainly not 3 kids.)

I really don't understand the problem here. I have become friends with kids' friends' moms and we go out for drinks from time to time. What's the issue if your husband has friends and does the same? 11 would be too late for my tastes, but it's your husband's invitation to accept or decline, not yours - and like pp said, it's not taking away from family time since it's so late. I prefer my husband to have his friends just like I do. Not everything has to be about the kids!

I agree that this is strange behavior

You don’t want him to take DH away from family time, yet you are fixated on the late night drinks. At least that isn’t family time!