Anonymous wrote:Omg OP. You call that rude. My sons friends insult our house. I mean literally insult our house. Where does he get it you ask? His mom will do the same thing. It is quite amazing. How do I respond. “Wow, that was rude”. Nothing more needs to be said.

Wow. You and OP are at opposites ends of the crazy spectrum. OP takes offense that a teen didn’t like her joke and wants to end the relationship with her daughter. You stand around and let a teen insult you to your face. I honestly don’t know which one is worse. You’re both modeling terrible behavior for your children.

My friends daughter is the sweetest girl raised respectfully and can be counted on to make good decisions. Lately at 15 she has been giving random people the cold dead stares in response to their inquiries (not known people but to new people she meets). When chastised she says she doesn’t need to be talking to “randoms”. It’s just polite behavior but she got some chip on her shoulder and her parents have been frustrated and when I saw it in action was also aghast. It didn’t make sense other than she reminds me of that type of teenager, I just didn’t think she’d be that way.

Omg OP. You call that rude. My sons friends insult our house. I mean literally insult our house. Where does he get it you ask? His mom will do the same thing. It is quite amazing. How do I respond. “Wow, that was rude”. Nothing more needs to be said.

"DD, Larla didn't like my joke, don't invite her over anymore!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, either the girl didn't understand what you were implying, or your dd really was trying to talk her father into something and you really put her friend on the spot and she didn't know how to respond. She probably had a panic moment like - oh crap, i don't want to rat on her - not sure what to say.

You are really overrating here.

OP here, this is a girl who is a neighbor and friend for the past 8 years or more. My question was light hearted, thinking the wanted to go to gym/pool/ice cream...The usual stuff. The stare down of "Ask Her" was aggressive and honestly not "her". Gotta love puberty. They had a plan, they targeted DH because he's the softy. He said no way....Anyway, thank you for your thoughts. I'm limiting time with this girl.

You were joking with a kid you have known for a long time and it fell flat. You are now limiting time with her??? You are sounding immature, OP.

OP sounds like a bit of a control freak. She couldn’t let her DD have a conversation with her dad without asking the friend what it was about. Then she gets upset that the friend didn’t answer the way she wanted. Now she wants to limit her teen dd’s friendship with the neighbor she’s known for 8 years over one minor incident that almost everyone here agrees isn’t actually rude. Who micromanages their teen’s friendships anyway, especially with neighbors?

OP- I think you're overreacting by limiting the friendship. I've limited friendships but it usually has more to do with a friend that isn't treating my DS well (like a bullying "friend") or is an extremely bad influence (e.g. saying/doing inappropriate things, getting into trouble, etc).
I don't think I would limit time over an isolated statement that sounded hostile or socially clueless. There are plenty of worse things that can/will happen in these teen friendships. If it happens again, take charge by saying something like "Larla, I was joking. Please moderate your tone with me- I don't tolerate rudeness."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, either the girl didn't understand what you were implying, or your dd really was trying to talk her father into something and you really put her friend on the spot and she didn't know how to respond. She probably had a panic moment like - oh crap, i don't want to rat on her - not sure what to say.

You are really overrating here.

OP here, this is a girl who is a neighbor and friend for the past 8 years or more. My question was light hearted, thinking the wanted to go to gym/pool/ice cream...The usual stuff. The stare down of "Ask Her" was aggressive and honestly not "her". Gotta love puberty. They had a plan, they targeted DH because he's the softy. He said no way....Anyway, thank you for your thoughts. I'm limiting time with this girl.

I would not tolerate it either. I don't care whether it's typical teenage behavior, toddler behavior, or whatever - it's rude.

Anonymous wrote:You were trying to get a girl to rat on her friend, and you're surprised she didn't welcome you into the fold? Get real.

Also, no sports bars are "a nice place."

This was my first thought too.

I thought it was weird you were asking the friend this—-kind of putting her on the spot.

Ahh OP, hormones are the worst!

And you’re dealing with teens, that sucks!
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Still, try not to take it out on your DD.

Everyone knows about menopause and hot flashes, but people don’t talk about the emotional highs and lows. Cutting contact with her friend is a HUGE overreaction. I think in the future you have to be aware that you’re seeing everything through a very hormonal lens. It’ll pass in a few years - but you’re going to have to be really careful not to torpedo your relationship with your daughter in the meantime.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, either the girl didn't understand what you were implying, or your dd really was trying to talk her father into something and you really put her friend on the spot and she didn't know how to respond. She probably had a panic moment like - oh crap, i don't want to rat on her - not sure what to say.

You are really overrating here.

OP here, this is a girl who is a neighbor and friend for the past 8 years or more. My question was light hearted, thinking the wanted to go to gym/pool/ice cream...The usual stuff. The stare down of "Ask Her" was aggressive and honestly not "her". Gotta love puberty. They had a plan, they targeted DH because he's the softy. He said no way....Anyway, thank you for your thoughts. I'm limiting time with this girl.

"Ask her" was the correct response.

She's been a neighbor and friend for the past 8 years or rmore, you didn't like one thing she said, now you're going to try to limit your daughter's time with her? Your daughter who is a teenager?

Reading between the lines it sounds like OP was really hurt the girl didn’t engage with her and she wants to lash out.

OP has known this girl for years and probably enjoyed being included in their plans and jokes. OP wanted to giggle with the neighbor girl and talk about the girl’s plans. The neighbor girl wasn’t interested and responded with a curt but not rude “Ask her.” This shut down any notion that OP was one of the girls and still part of her DDs social life. It’s this realization that has OP so angry and wanting cut off contact.

OP is justifying this draconian stance because she saw her daughter joking around with dad so she thinks her daughter is still in the little kid phase where parents are included. It’s easy to mask OPs anger and hurt feelings by painting neighbor girl as growing up too fast or being a bad influence.

Be very careful if you go this route and start ending friendships because your daughters friends don’t want to engage with you. Pretty soon you will likely find out that your daughter behaves the same way with her friends parents. If you guys are all in the same community, you’re going to look ridiculous and your daughter will be the one who is isolated - all because mommy’s feelings were hurt and she needed to lash out.

Another who thinks OP is way over-reacting here....can’t believe you’d limit a long term friendship over this. If the issue is that you think the girl is manipulating your daughter into trying to break rules (getting dad to take them someplace so that they can meet up with boys, which still doesn’t seem that bad if the plan was for dad to stay), that’s a separate issue. If that’s the issue, you should talk to her daughter about peer pressure and making decisions for herself. Also maybe talk to her about these boys. Otherwise you are going to be having much bigger problems in the upcoming years, and maybe even a new little addition to the family.

I can’t see how OP was trying to be the Cool Mom because she made a small joke to her kid. They were talking to the other Parent at the time. She didn’t offers them margaritas. I don’t allow my kids or their friends to speak to me like I’m a jerk but I don’t think this kid was being that obnoxious.

OP you are wack. We'll see you back here in a few years wondering why your DD doesn't want to confide in you and never wants to have her friends over, only goes to their houses.

You'll respond by grounding her, and refusing to let her = she will head to college and party like she has never partied in her life due to the freedom.

And this isn't a crack on your DD, because she could be me.

"limit time with this girl?" NUTS!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, either the girl didn't understand what you were implying, or your dd really was trying to talk her father into something and you really put her friend on the spot and she didn't know how to respond. She probably had a panic moment like - oh crap, i don't want to rat on her - not sure what to say.

You are really overrating here.

OP here, this is a girl who is a neighbor and friend for the past 8 years or more. My question was light hearted, thinking the wanted to go to gym/pool/ice cream...The usual stuff. The stare down of "Ask Her" was aggressive and honestly not "her". Gotta love puberty. They had a plan, they targeted DH because he's the softy. He said no way....Anyway, thank you for your thoughts. I'm limiting time with this girl.

"Ask her" was the correct response.

She's been a neighbor and friend for the past 8 years or more, you didn't like one thing she said, now you're going to try to limit your daughter's time with her? Your daughter who is a teenager?