I feel like such a sh*tty parent to my special needs child. I really hope I’m underestimating my parenting skills but I certainly don’t feel like I am. I think I just suck at this.

Anonymous wrote:The Gen X superiority complex over Millenials is just the same thing every generation says about the next (NO BUT FOR REAL IT'S TRUUUUUUUEEEE THIS TIME I SAW AN ARTICLE). Just ask Baby Boomers what their parents and/or older siblings thought of them.

Signed,
Realistic Gen X Mom

How does Gen X feeling more insecure about parenting equate to a superiority complex?

The Gen X superiority complex over Millenials is just the same thing every generation says about the next (NO BUT FOR REAL IT'S TRUUUUUUUEEEE THIS TIME I SAW AN ARTICLE). Just ask Baby Boomers what their parents and/or older siblings thought of them.

Signed,
Realistic Gen X Mom

Anonymous wrote:All are perfect parents, until they actually have a child.

I'm actually a much better parent than I thought I'd be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yo unconditional love is all what it takes. Either you have it or you don’t. And they don’t sell it at the Walmart

It takes far more than that to be a good parent. Especially once you have teens. Love doesn't cut it.

I love my daughter very much but I want her to be a good person and sometimes that means discipline and tough love and rules

Remember that the verb 'to parent' is a very modern term. Thousands of our ancestors over hundreds of thousands of years never even thought about parenting. My ancestors did fine. Here I am

They just got on with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unpopular opinion:

Gen X - underestimate. We feel like we are not quite prepared enough at every stage. I think it comes from being older first-time parents. I remember feeling pretty lonely at first.

Millenials - I don't know if they overestimate, but they strike me as more confident from the get-go. Maybe because they grew up in the internet age, where there are many resources to mine.

I think there's some truth to this, granted Gen X "the latchkey generation" is more used to winging it/sinking or swimming than Millenials are. There are definitely more readily available resources these days thanks to the internet.

PP. I forgot actually that I was a latchkey kid when writing this but it makes sense. So long as we didn't burn the house down, we stayed at home, and my little sister wasn't harmed, my parents didn't worry about the 2-3 hours from when my mom left for her work at hospital and my dad coming back from his research lab. We did wing it, without a lot of prep or study.

Anonymous wrote:When you have an easy child it's easy to feel like a good parent and feel confident about your skills. When you have a difficult or non-typically developing child (disabled etc..) you can feel like you're underperforming, even if you're doing great, or trying. That's when the judgey parents jump in and assume you are a terrible parent. I have both types of kids and see both sides. Man, it is tough. I wish parents and women were more supportive of one another in general.

^this time a gazillion. So many judgey parents that think they are awesome when really they just got lucky with a fairly easy kid. Children are born who they are and the best we can do is try and guide them but we cannot control them or change their innate personalities or disabilities. I have a different kid and have read everything I can on it and the best advice I’ve heard from the professionals is to stop and realize that parents only have so much control. I’m not saying don’t discipline or provide structure but those rails will work very differently depending on the underlying personality etc of the child. Autism, ADHD, SPD etc are NOT the result of poor parenting so I implore people to have a little empathy and compassion for fellow parents and realize that not all disabilities can be seen with the naked eye.

Most people are parent better than average. There's a long left-side tail. Awful parents are truly awful, and I don't think terrific parents are that much better than run-of-the-mill parents.

Anonymous wrote:The bad ones overestimate The good ones underestimate.

X 1000

I am amazed when I meet a couple in their thirties with an incredibly detailed parenting philosophy because I am in my fifties and still don't have all the answers about what's important and essential, what really matters, etc. They have steamy philosophies about nutrition and exercise and sleep and academic and spirituality. I guess I am just less evolved.

Anonymous wrote:I just see a ton of insecurity in many mothers. When they immediately tell you their kid is "gifted" or give off a whiff of "Oh, I would never do it that way" (whatever "it" is), I hear insecurity screaming. Just keep it to yourself. Confidence is quiet.

Can you really blame some parents (I am not a big fan of piling this only on "mothers."). I choose not to play the game, but this is a hyper competitive area AND super judgmental. I think it is not insecurity about parenting, but fear if being judged as "less than."

I mean, come on. Look at the nasty that rolls through this site like a red tide.

I just see a ton of insecurity in many mothers. When they immediately tell you their kid is "gifted" or give off a whiff of "Oh, I would never do it that way" (whatever "it" is), I hear insecurity screaming. Just keep it to yourself. Confidence is quiet.

Anonymous wrote:Tangential point but I actually think most people overestimate how much it matters. Our influence as parents (good or bad) is a log more limited than most of us think. We're probably all doing just fine.

ITA agree with this. If you love and respect your kids, don’t abuse them, keep them fed and housed, the rest is window dressing. None of the gymnastics lessons and tutors are going to matter in the long run.

Caveat "it doesn't really matter' these studies are four people directly in the middle. Extreme poverty and extreme wealth do tend to affect outcomes