Once you know their game- Narcs are actually hilarious. They are so predictable. You can play Narc Bingo where you get points for everytime they can't admit they are wrong, every time they play the victim, inflate their own knowledge etc.

My Narc mom explains medicine to me despite having not taken biology since before they understood what viruses were. I'm a doctor. Sometimes I play along with her bull to see how deep she can dig the hole.
Dont let them work you.

"Hi, frail and elderly Mom and Dad. We are taking a real break and staying in a local hotel for a few days to celebrate the holidays. Come join us! We'll go out for dinner or order in pizza, and nobody has to cook or wash dishes."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Borderline personality disorder: abused kid grown up.

This, sounds just like my BPD ex-wife.

This.

Grey Rock; have as few events as possible at your house; don't engage when she starts to go off on who she is mad at now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, Gray Rock folks, yeah...I've pretty much been doing that. But I liked reading about it because it does make a lot of sense. Thanks. I guess there's just sometimes there are these people cannot be avoided, in times of family crisis, etc., so I will just have to deal. I appreciate your help. Very low point today, but I feel kind of better.

I would ask you to consider the phrase “cannot be avoided“. Is that really true? Are you putting yourself in a position where you are interacting with this person for their benefit or for the benefit of others? Do you have to be there? It’s OK to remove yourself from this person‘s vicinity for your own mental health, and for the health of your family. Those of the people that you put first, and nobody else. Do not let other people guilt or manipulate you into putting yourself in the path of someone who terrorizes you and your family. I think you’ll be surprised at how much you can avoid this person if you put up boundaries.

Well, that's a good question. On a general daily basis, no. I do not. However my in laws are elderly and infirmed and we help care for them. Of course, she doesn't actually ever help, but she inserts herself physically and mentally into the scenario constantly...on the phone, comments to them, comments to us- she'scan expert on everything, but in actuality she knows nothing. So, yes, I am there. Also, we host all the family events for these inlaws, and they are part of the family. If I stood my ground and demanded that she not come for Thanksgiving, etc., then really I am creating the drama. I do the gray rock thing the whole day with her...and her whole demeanor is such a buzz kill for everyone, even her own kids make fun if her. It's sad for everyone. I mean, it is actually depressing. Right now there is a bit of a crisis with the elders, and she has reared her full self with calls, advice, warnings, threats, and we just are now not answering the phone, but then she will call the hospital...and they call us. So, no...can only do so much. Her husband is just a shell of a person, so no help there.

Don’t host events. Hold them in a neutral place, like a restaurant. Celebrate holidays where your in-laws live, not your own. The key is to make sure you can separate yourself from this person quickly and easily. You do not want to have this person in your home. If you want to create that boundary quickly.

They are in their 90s. A lot of what we do is about their comfort- so restaurants won't do. I will just have to pull up my big girl pants.

That is a choice. They can have holidays at someone else’s house too. Or at their facility. It does not have to be at your house.

So, you know my friend says that, but how does that go down. Sorry, fraile and elderly Mom and Dad, we just aren't doing Christmas this year. Sorry! If course, she will not host...ever. So we called her bluff one year, and sure enough, his parents were alone and mystified. We were out of town.She talked about it all year about how we dropped the ball. My husband felt awful.

Facility? Ha! She's blocked every turn for them to leave their house because she thinks they are "just fine"and can manage themselves, despite not being able to do steps, use the bathroom, or cook anymore. She told them that we are trying to take away their independence. What she is worried about is that she thinks they will be spending her inheritance. One would have to see this entire scenario to even believe it.

And just to be clear -- yes, it may be secondary to abuse as a kid, and yes, you can feel sorry for her, but that does not mean you have to allow her into your life. Her level of responsibility has no correlation to your being justified in making necessary healthy decisions for yourself and your family.

Anonymous wrote:Borderline personality disorder: abused kid grown up.

This, sounds just like my BPD ex-wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aspbergers

Its not a burger. There is no B in it.

Five Guys new promotional special: Aspberger with side of copperhead fern

Anonymous wrote:Aspbergers

Its not a burger. There is no B in it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does not socialize with others, only immediate family. Does not have friends, does not talk to other women in a social way, or manner no lunches, dinners with other women, phone chats
Married, but fights all the time in a bullying way
Claims to be an expert on just about everything from general information on the internet....medicine, disease, situations, politics, yet most of what she knows is false.
Gets into conspiracy theories heavily.
Becomes angry at people for misunderstandings, yells, hangs up phone, makes up scenarios that never happened, or twists things around, bullies
Plays the victim constantly
Highly critical of everyone
Is generally unhappy with lot in life- kind of believes in a zero sum game mentality

This has to be something, right? This is a relative of ours...middle aged woman. Yes, she grew up in a toxic environment. Yet, soooo tired of it.

Avoidant personality disorder or possibly schizoaffective disorer

Neither of these disorders is indicated

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does not socialize with others, only immediate family. Does not have friends, does not talk to other women in a social way, or manner no lunches, dinners with other women, phone chats
Married, but fights all the time in a bullying way
Claims to be an expert on just about everything from general information on the internet....medicine, disease, situations, politics, yet most of what she knows is false.
Gets into conspiracy theories heavily.
Becomes angry at people for misunderstandings, yells, hangs up phone, makes up scenarios that never happened, or twists things around, bullies
Plays the victim constantly
Highly critical of everyone
Is generally unhappy with lot in life- kind of believes in a zero sum game mentality

This has to be something, right? This is a relative of ours...middle aged woman. Yes, she grew up in a toxic environment. Yet, soooo tired of it.

Avoidant personality disorder or possibly schizoaffective disorer

Both of those sound plausible to me, considering similar people I know including some with those diagnoses

This pretty much describes my SIL although need to add hoarding.

At my brother's wedding, she and her bridesmaid sisters all had these limp, limp handshakes (3 girls in the family). At the wedding dance her mother commented about all the people who were there--my parents lived on a farm. A neighbor who was there said it was because we were, after all, neighbors who got together, helped each other out, etc. SIL's mom said "well, we have neighbors but we never talk to them". They all seemed socially isolated. One married two men who were both extremely abusive--the first one would knock her unconscious, the second emotionally abusive, really creepy, and has been suspected of pedophilia but never proven (county attorney's office once did get warrant for all his computers to look for child porn, they came up try for kid porn though). All the girls graduated from state college with business admin degrees, none of them ever got a management job. M any times when they stop by she actually stays in the car while my brother comes in the house. He apparently decided long ago to let her arguing and complaining roll off his back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, Gray Rock folks, yeah...I've pretty much been doing that. But I liked reading about it because it does make a lot of sense. Thanks. I guess there's just sometimes there are these people cannot be avoided, in times of family crisis, etc., so I will just have to deal. I appreciate your help. Very low point today, but I feel kind of better.

I feel you. There is one in my family, too. I have tried the grey rocking with varying levels of success. It's a process and requires great restraint and consistency. One slip up and I'm back in it with her. It sucks to be in this position, but total avoidance is impossible. Reading about narcissists helps me to understand that my relative feeds off drama and hurting people in order to feel better about herself. We can't allow it to be at our detriment that they thrive.

I have to do the same with my spouse. He has monthly explosions, I can stave them off for a few days but he just get lit off any little thing at that point and yells for half an hour. Very therapeutic for him to rage at someone else after a month of letting down everyone. I can’t take it much longer, and neither should the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does not socialize with others, only immediate family. Does not have friends, does not talk to other women in a social way, or manner no lunches, dinners with other women, phone chats
Married, but fights all the time in a bullying way
Claims to be an expert on just about everything from general information on the internet....medicine, disease, situations, politics, yet most of what she knows is false.
Gets into conspiracy theories heavily.
Becomes angry at people for misunderstandings, yells, hangs up phone, makes up scenarios that never happened, or twists things around, bullies
Plays the victim constantly
Highly critical of everyone
Is generally unhappy with lot in life- kind of believes in a zero sum game mentality

This has to be something, right? This is a relative of ours...middle aged woman. Yes, she grew up in a toxic environment. Yet, soooo tired of it.

Avoidant personality disorder or possibly schizoaffective disorer

Does she had ADD Inattentive and at this point of her life is hell bent in hiding it and just gets overwhelmed at everything and lashes it before her F ups are discovered?

Anonymous wrote: Ugh, I hate family events...it's drama every time.

Who does she live with? That person must be driving her crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, Gray Rock folks, yeah...I've pretty much been doing that. But I liked reading about it because it does make a lot of sense. Thanks. I guess there's just sometimes there are these people cannot be avoided, in times of family crisis, etc., so I will just have to deal. I appreciate your help. Very low point today, but I feel kind of better.

I would ask you to consider the phrase “cannot be avoided“. Is that really true? Are you putting yourself in a position where you are interacting with this person for their benefit or for the benefit of others? Do you have to be there? It’s OK to remove yourself from this person‘s vicinity for your own mental health, and for the health of your family. Those of the people that you put first, and nobody else. Do not let other people guilt or manipulate you into putting yourself in the path of someone who terrorizes you and your family. I think you’ll be surprised at how much you can avoid this person if you put up boundaries.

Well, that's a good question. On a general daily basis, no. I do not. However my in laws are elderly and infirmed and we help care for them. Of course, she doesn't actually ever help, but she inserts herself physically and mentally into the scenario constantly...on the phone, comments to them, comments to us- she'scan expert on everything, but in actuality she knows nothing. So, yes, I am there. Also, we host all the family events for these inlaws, and they are part of the family. If I stood my ground and demanded that she not come for Thanksgiving, etc., then really I am creating the drama. I do the gray rock thing the whole day with her...and her whole demeanor is such a buzz kill for everyone, even her own kids make fun if her. It's sad for everyone. I mean, it is actually depressing. Right now there is a bit of a crisis with the elders, and she has reared her full self with calls, advice, warnings, threats, and we just are now not answering the phone, but then she will call the hospital...and they call us. So, no...can only do so much. Her husband is just a shell of a person, so no help there.

Don’t host events. Hold them in a neutral place, like a restaurant. Celebrate holidays where your in-laws live, not your own. The key is to make sure you can separate yourself from this person quickly and easily. You do not want to have this person in your home. If you want to create that boundary quickly.

They are in their 90s. A lot of what we do is about their comfort- so restaurants won't do. I will just have to pull up my big girl pants.

That is a choice. They can have holidays at someone else’s house too. Or at their facility. It does not have to be at your house.