!!!CAUTION!!!
!!!CAUTION!!!

Please proceed carefully when thinking about kicking DH out of the bedroom.

My children's dad left the bedroom voluntarily during the tough newborn/infant phase for both of our children. It turned into sleeping apart long term and ultimately we separated.


!!!CAUTION!!!
!!!CAUTION!!!

You married someone who can’t get out of bed because he is stuck in his own necklace.

I need to let that sit before I’m able to offer advice, because that is something.

I’m confused. Sounds like he does everything during the day, so umm why can’t you rest during the day and take over nights? You want to sit on your ass day and night?

Another vote for a new mattress. Do you have a room large enough for a king? If so, get a dirt cheap frame (either Ikea or you can even get a cheap metal one off Amazon for less than $80), and get an online foam one like Casper, Tuft & Needle, Purple, Leesa, etc.

Tuft & Needle is $600 for a Queen, $750 for a King. Moving from a Queen to a King years ago was life-changing, and makes it so much easier if you cosleep with kids.

OP:
Is it wrong to make DH sleep on the couch so I can rest?

DCUM:
Throw money you don’t have at the problem, and tell us more about his golden necklace.

yes to sleeping on the couch, but if he has medical insurance please push him to get evaluated for sleep apnea. This sounds like my DH, turns out he had SEVERE apnea. could hear him upstairs through closed doors when he was downstairs. With a CPAP he sleeps better and doesn't sleep through stuff because he's not chronically underslept. Best part? NO SNORING. none. gone.

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing to me that the OP and many PPs think they get to dictate where their husband sleeps.

You can go sleep on the couch if you want, but you're not going to "kick me out" of my own bed.

If you decide to sleep through necessary household labor, then you damn well better sleep on the couch and let OP get her sleep.

Anonymous wrote:He's "the breadwinner" because she's on maternity leave amd they're living off savings. What happens when she goes back before the baby is sleeping 6 hours straight? (Mine took 8 months. He was still waking up 3+ times a night at 3-4 months.) I'd be shocked if DH suddenly starts doing half the night wakeups then.

Also, she says a mattress isn't in her budget. When you have to live off savings for maternity leave, you don't make $600 elective purchases either.

OP, if he's making your already interrupted sleep worse, it's fair to ask him to sleep on the couch. You're making a lot of adjustments and sacrifices for the baby overnight, he can make one small one to help you while he sleeps through the night.

+1 People are acting like OP should be grateful to have a hard working man supporting her. She works too.

It's amazing to me that the OP and many PPs think they get to dictate where their husband sleeps.

You can go sleep on the couch if you want, but you're not going to "kick me out" of my own bed.

Anonymous wrote:What kind of a man wears a necklace? To bed even?

Old Italian men.

My husband slept on the fold out couch for the first three months or so. He also went to bed a bit later than normal and held the baby for a chunk of time and did a bottle so I could have a period of sleep. If he got up to change a diaper, I’d still wake up so it wasn’t all that helpful.

i'm so sorry but I'm laughing at the idea of someone who can't figure out how to get unstuck from his bed so goes back to sleep.

Get a new mattress... we got our king mattress from Amazon for $500, free delivery.
And LOL at the necklace

He's "the breadwinner" because she's on maternity leave amd they're living off savings. What happens when she goes back before the baby is sleeping 6 hours straight? (Mine took 8 months. He was still waking up 3+ times a night at 3-4 months.) I'd be shocked if DH suddenly starts doing half the night wakeups then.

Also, she says a mattress isn't in her budget. When you have to live off savings for maternity leave, you don't make $600 elective purchases either.

OP, if he's making your already interrupted sleep worse, it's fair to ask him to sleep on the couch. You're making a lot of adjustments and sacrifices for the baby overnight, he can make one small one to help you while he sleeps through the night.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make him sleep on the sofa- not as a punishment but so that you can get a good night's sleep.
I wouldn't make him get up with the baby if I was staying home full time- it sounds like he's doing a lot of other things to help. I'm saying this from a 50/50 marriage. The sleep will get better before you know it.
Before he moves back from the couch, which should happen when your baby reliably sleeps 6+ hours straight (it's not comfortable, but the 6 hour sleep mark is generally night to morning 10-4, 11-5, etc.), get a new mattress.

This. He doesn’t sound like that much of a jerk, to be honest. He is the breadwinner.

And yeah you don’t need $2000 for a mattress. We just got a new one. $720 all told and we love it.

+1 DH and I slept seperately when I was on maternity leave because one of us needed to be rested and since he had to WOH, he got to sleep in. And, you can get an excellent mattress for less than $1K. Having said that, if your DH is snoring, that may be impacting the quality of sleep you both get even without the baby. It's something to keep an eye on.