Anonymous wrote:No, it's her wedding, she should arrange actual paid help if she needs it. Plus, it's odd she'd ask someone for help who is visiting, not local.

It’s asinine to ask out of town relatives with TWO toddlers to do this. She’s full on bridezilla territory with this request.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH goes to help. You take care of the kids. Very straightforward.

Yeah. Why is "we" are not available to help. Your DH absolutely could.

This. It is his sister.

Anonymous wrote:Going to an out of town wedding across the country for DH's sister and bringing our 3 and 1 year old. We're arriving on Thursday night, wedding is on Saturday. It's at a venue that's not really set up for weddings, so they've asked us to help pick up all of the tents / chairs / tables and take them to the venue to help set up. I kind of pushed back on this, saying that we probably wouldn't be available to help because of the kids / visiting with other family before the wedding. DH's sister seemed pretty annoyed by this. It's her wedding, so I don't want to p*ss her off, but am I being unreasonable? Should we figure out a way to help?

I bet all the other family are helping with the wedding, too, so I doubt you'll be visiting much unless you're at the venue helping to set up.

Our extended families on both sides are all from small towns. As soon as I see an invitation that says VFW Hall or Moose Lodge or XYZ Farm, I know that my day before and morning of are going to be spent helping out...and I'm usually there as a cousin or cousin-in-law. Different strokes for different folks.

In your case, with the little ones, plan on staying at the hotel and send your husband over with the car to do what he can hauling stuff around and setting up. It is all hands on deck and you either need to support it or stay home.

Anonymous wrote:What a cheap bride and groom. Who asks guests to help set up. Sounds like they can’t afford the wedding. Eloping is OK. Asking guests, who have travelled in for your wedding, to help, is NOT.

OP is a b*** but you’re worse.

Call me crazy but I’d OFFER to help my sibling with whatever they needed. But, I’m not a self righteous a**hole.

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. She called me. She specifically asked if "we" could help.

OP your DH will be a bigger help to his sister than you both would, with children in tow. She probably doesn't understand about little kids.

OP here. I'm going to just volunteer DH (if he actually wants to go, and let him handle it if he doesn't). I appreciate the reality check for those who responded.
But just to answer a few questions...

She called and asked today for a wedding that's this weekend

We are the first one in the family to have kids, and the venue is kind of kid friendly, so I think she doesn't think it would be a big deal for the kids to tag along / hang out while set up is happening

The venue is off the beaten path. It's about a 45 min drive from everything (hotel & place that chairs / tables are being rented).

The wedding will have 150 people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like a lot to ask someone who is traveling across the country with two toddlers! Even if husband can go help her out, that leaves you alone to entertain a 3- and 1- year old in a location that is not your home.

Hopefully, she asked far enough in advance! When is the wedding? I do understand asking siblings, but generally single siblings or those without young children would be more in a position to help out.

Maybe as a compromise, say that your husband can help out from 1-3 on Friday or something like that as you have already planned to do other things.

It's not going to take 2 hours to set up a tent and put tables and chairs out... unless this is a wedding for 250 people.

The OP said "they've asked us to help pick up all of the tents / chairs / tables and take them to the venue to help set up"

That could easily take 2 or more hours - driving there, loading them in the car, unloading them, unfolding the chairs/tables, setting them up along with the tents. Who knows if they even know where they want to place them? They may be deciding that on the fly, which means it will take even longer. How long do you think something like that will take?

Anonymous wrote:That sounds like a lot to ask someone who is traveling across the country with two toddlers! Even if husband can go help her out, that leaves you alone to entertain a 3- and 1- year old in a location that is not your home.

Hopefully, she asked far enough in advance! When is the wedding? I do understand asking siblings, but generally single siblings or those without young children would be more in a position to help out.

Maybe as a compromise, say that your husband can help out from 1-3 on Friday or something like that as you have already planned to do other things.

It's not going to take 2 hours to set up a tent and put tables and chairs out... unless this is a wedding for 250 people.

SIL should have asked DH. How bizarre that she called you about this.

That sounds like a lot to ask someone who is traveling across the country with two toddlers! Even if husband can go help her out, that leaves you alone to entertain a 3- and 1- year old in a location that is not your home.

Hopefully, she asked far enough in advance! When is the wedding? I do understand asking siblings, but generally single siblings or those without young children would be more in a position to help out.

Maybe as a compromise, say that your husband can help out from 1-3 on Friday or something like that as you have already planned to do other things.

It sounds like dh wants to visit family. That’s crappy of your sil.

The place you rent the tables and chairs and tents from will put them in the car. You literally will sit in your car with the kids while they load your car... then you drive to the location.

It's pretty unreasonable to ask you to help with tents, chairs, and so on if you are going to be watching your kids. If one of your family members can watch the kids while you help, then you can pitch in. Either way, your DH can pitch in.

It's kind of ridiculous that she is asking such a big favor, since that will involve a lot of hassle, carrying, lifting, and so on. But if she's close with her brother then it's between them.

OP should have said "we will have the kids so only one of us will be able to help."

That’s weird, but I would still send dh