I 'caught' depression from my DH when he was 1.5 years into a major depressive episode. I was also juggling 3 kids, 2 of whom were diagnosed with SN during that period. I thought I was going through peri-menopause and went to my OB/GYN who thought it was depression. She prescribed an SSRI. The OB/GYN was right.

I was on the SSRI for about 2 years and it made such a huge, welcome difference. I was on an emotional rollercoaster (which made me think it was hormone related because it was like I was constantly PMSing) and with the help of the SSRI. I didn't realize how much of my energy was being consumed by trying to keep my emotions regulated. The SSRI was a valuable support that freed me to spend precious energy/resources on improving my mental health and taking care of my kids. My only regret is that I didn't start it sooner. I won't make that mistake again if I find myself in that situation.

OP -you should also know anxiety/OCD is often comorbid with depression. If your DD has been in therapy since February, she's not 'jumping' to medication. She's recognizing that therapy isn't enough. You should support her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD’s therapist has asked her to take SSRIs. DD herself has asked many questions and is a very responsible person. I am truly proud of her for asking for therapy and wanting to deal with this head on.
I guess I am emotional since she just turned 18 and well just a lot of things. She is an amazing kid and all I want her to be is happy and at peace.
Thank you all for understanding and especially those who get where I am coming from.

SSRI's sound like a great place to start. My husband has anxiety and I am so grateful for how SSRI's have helped him feel more like himself, be able to enjoy work more, and be a great dad to our kids. Yes for him, dealing with his mental health is a long term effort, but he is more emotionally in tune with himself and others as a result, it's not all a negative. Sounds like you have a wonderful daughter. Normal to be nervous and want to make sure to think it through. Also normal to be emotional during this transition! I bet she's definitely on a path to being very content and at peace because she knows how to advocate for herself, get help when she needs it, and has a good support system at home. This is all a recipe for a really content adult that is prepared to handle the ups and downs of life- you got this!

Any side effects for your DH? Weight gain? Blood pressure changes?

Hi OP (I’m assuming it’s OP!) no side effects here, except one minor sexual side effect that I won’t detail here but it has not impacted us at all. He has been on an SSRI for about 10 years. Each year we check in and discuss if he wants to talk with his dr about decreasing, or trying to get off but for now he feels strongly that the risks of going off far outweigh the risks of staying on for him personally. Many many people do not stay on SSRIs this long though op, I don’t want you to feel like once she starts she won’t be able to come off. So many people use SSRIs when in need and then come off. My husband has a particularly strong family history of anxiety/depression and this is just best for him. He also uses exercise and other tools. He is not in therapy at the moment, but wouldn’t hesitate to return if needed. For him, the medication allows him to manage stressors or down days much much better with his other approaches like exercise, cooking, etc. Without it these approaches just don’t cut it. So it’s like the puzzle piece that helps him do the work on his own. To be clear when he started SSRIs he was in therapy and continued, but does so well managing it on his own now it hasn’t been needed for some years now.

I hope that helps!

1) your daughter is an adult
2) sometimes ocd symptoms can feel very disturbing/embarrassing to people (it’s not all hand-washing!) so there’s a good chance she’s having symptoms she isn’t telling you about.
3) as long as her doctor seems reputable, leave the medication discussion to the two of them.
4) cbt plus medication is the gold standard so if she’s amenable that’s a great idea.

Anonymous wrote:OP,

My DD turned 18 in April. She started Cymbalta (60mgs) for anxiety and Topomax (50mg) for migraines in January.

We had tried other solutions with no luck for about 6 months. Therapy, whole food, yoga, supplements.

Finally DD sat me down and said she wanted desperately to try meds. So I said ok. Found her a shrink and a neuro and got her started.

It helped her. The anxiety was harder for me to measure but she has stopped having panic attacks so that was good. The 2 migraines a week also stopped.

I know it is so hard OP to see our children in pain (physical or mental) and we SO want to do the right thing.

I too have concerns about college so personally I think its a good idea to try to get her settled on meds b4 she leaves for school.

Anyway OP ask questions, listen to your DD, and you will help her navigate. She is lucky to have an involved mom who loves her.

Also the release form is called a HIPPA release form. This allows the docs to talk to you about your DD. Granted some therapists do prefer to keep sessions private as that helps some patients to open up more.

You know, I don't know what anxiety/OCD/migraines are so rampant among the youth of today. I wonder if it's more reporting of it; social media; Iphone addiction; or maybe even school shootings. Just seems to be everywhere. Who knows. Guess it doesn't matter really.

No shame in medicine although many feel this way. Personally, I have told DD to not tell everyone about her meds. It's personal information to only be shared with supportive friends or as needed ...

I have a relative who is an adult who has crippling anxiety. It is only now that I have been around teens who have been dxed with anxiety that I know what it is. If it were my dd, I would let her take the meds, OP. I feel really bad that none of us knew what this was before and this person I love very much has suffered because of it. There was help out there then and there is help now.

OP, I have a 16 y.o. with anxiety, depression and cognitive rigidity and tried everything you can imagine...the CBT once a week for a year, acupuncture, massage, totally healthy diet, sleep hygeine, etc etc.

I shared your valid concerns that she might be on something for the rest of her life. I say these concerns are valid to the "infuriated" PP, because say, if it was diabetes and the individual's condition could be fixed by diet/lifestyle, of course one would want that for their child vs. a dependency on a pill. That PP accused you of invalidating your DDs feelings while at the same time invalidated yours. I wish people would just discuss things and provide more information to help persuade you, rather that attack.

Anyways: Finally it was the tiniest dose of Zoloft and made a huge difference. She is so much better now. It helps her implement the techniques learned the CBT therapy, too.

When I was agonizing over what to do, I spoke with a mom whose kid had really severe anxiety attacks and was on medication. I asked if she worried that her kid would be on it for the rest of her life, and she said, "well, at first I worried, then I finally decided, maybe she will be, and so what."

And for some reason, that free'd me up. (Although I do often think about 'what if she's stranded on a ship somewhere, on Gilligan's Island, without her medication..." but truth be told, it's not like she'll suddenly get suicidal without it. She'll cope! She's learned the CBT methods.

It's good that you are being open to it, OP. I think it's perfect timing to get this figured out now, before the college stress hits. You don't want her dropping out or harming herself. Right now she is still in the nest and you can watch over her.

I believe that unfortunately, the way our culture is now, is affecting many of our kids in a way that it creates a situation where medication is necessary. In a different society--say, same place but 1985, or maybe 2019 but in a different place, I believe that my kid would not have needed it. But the reality is, she lives where she lives in today's age, and has bought into this culture, so it's too late to take her to some island and teach her to do woodworking for a living.

I have had two major bouts of anxiety and OCD in my life (now in my 40s). The first time I took meds and did talk therapy but got off the meds as fast as my doctor agreed to let me. The second time, I realized when I started the meds that I had been living with manageable but significant anxiety and OCD in that entire time I had been off the meds.

Now I can't understand why I wanted to get off the meds so badly the first time. I am so much better on the meds (I also do talk therapy). I echo the chorus of earlier PPs and my amazing psychiatrist who say that talk therapy plus meds are the most effective treatment for anxiety and OCD.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD’s therapist has asked her to take SSRIs. DD herself has asked many questions and is a very responsible person. I am truly proud of her for asking for therapy and wanting to deal with this head on.
I guess I am emotional since she just turned 18 and well just a lot of things. She is an amazing kid and all I want her to be is happy and at peace.
Thank you all for understanding and especially those who get where I am coming from.

SSRI's sound like a great place to start. My husband has anxiety and I am so grateful for how SSRI's have helped him feel more like himself, be able to enjoy work more, and be a great dad to our kids. Yes for him, dealing with his mental health is a long term effort, but he is more emotionally in tune with himself and others as a result, it's not all a negative. Sounds like you have a wonderful daughter. Normal to be nervous and want to make sure to think it through. Also normal to be emotional during this transition! I bet she's definitely on a path to being very content and at peace because she knows how to advocate for herself, get help when she needs it, and has a good support system at home. This is all a recipe for a really content adult that is prepared to handle the ups and downs of life- you got this!

Any side effects for your DH? Weight gain? Blood pressure changes?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD’s therapist has asked her to take SSRIs. DD herself has asked many questions and is a very responsible person. I am truly proud of her for asking for therapy and wanting to deal with this head on.
I guess I am emotional since she just turned 18 and well just a lot of things. She is an amazing kid and all I want her to be is happy and at peace.
Thank you all for understanding and especially those who get where I am coming from.

That's wonderful! Hope everything works out for her. Pp with the kid hospitalized in 9th grade here. I forgot to add that my kid is now doing really well in her 20s. Adolescence and college was tough but she worked her way through it and is so much better for having addressed these problems head on instead of hoping they'll go away. You sound like a great mom! Hang in there!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you all for your helpful comments. My DD turned 18 two days ago, I only mentioned her age because I know the therapist will not tell me things and that might help your answers in some way. Also I don’t need to know. It’s my DDs space and I am happy she has a place to go to. But before she made these big decisions I wanted to do the research and have some advice from people who have been there. So thank you.

From what my DD is telling me therapist does not give her any “homework” but has interwoven some strategies she can use when needed but it hasn’t helped.

When she heads off to college, what usually happens? Do kids fond therapists in their town for ongoing care? I wish we had started therapy a lot earlier so we don’t have to be experimenting on things this close to her leaving.

Many colleges have therapists available. My school had a university counseling center that was free and you could have a therapist and weekly or biweekly appointments arranged, or go in on a walk in, as needed basis. This was a small school in the deep south, so I'm sure big schools have even more than that.

Back in the day, when I taught college, I always encouraged my students to see a therapist at student health. This is the only time in your life that therapy will be free! But did they listen to me? Not usually.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD’s therapist has asked her to take SSRIs. DD herself has asked many questions and is a very responsible person. I am truly proud of her for asking for therapy and wanting to deal with this head on.
I guess I am emotional since she just turned 18 and well just a lot of things. She is an amazing kid and all I want her to be is happy and at peace.
Thank you all for understanding and especially those who get where I am coming from.

SSRI's sound like a great place to start. My husband has anxiety and I am so grateful for how SSRI's have helped him feel more like himself, be able to enjoy work more, and be a great dad to our kids. Yes for him, dealing with his mental health is a long term effort, but he is more emotionally in tune with himself and others as a result, it's not all a negative. Sounds like you have a wonderful daughter. Normal to be nervous and want to make sure to think it through. Also normal to be emotional during this transition! I bet she's definitely on a path to being very content and at peace because she knows how to advocate for herself, get help when she needs it, and has a good support system at home. This is all a recipe for a really content adult that is prepared to handle the ups and downs of life- you got this!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Started seeing therapist in Feb so I feel like it’s a little early to be having this conversation but she feels that she is getting worse. Therapist has brought it up and she is considering it. She feels her anxiety is so bad that it is debilitating her. She is going to a great college int the fall and to the outside world her life is great but I know she struggles. Some things she mentions also seem normal to me so I find it confusing. This year has been hard for her but will it get better without the medication is what I am wondering. I worry that this will be something that she might feel the need to take all her life. If that’s what she needs then I am okay with it but am wondering if she should be trying other things too. All her friends go to therapists and are on medication so this is totally normal for her. But I would like to have a more wholistic approach. Medication plus CBT etc etc.
Any light you shine on this willl be helpful. How did it go with your teen? Did medication help? Do you think the therapist is jumping into this too quickly? I asked her if she tried CBT and she says she doesn’t know and that the therapist doesn’t label things.
I intend to speak with the therapist soon. What kind of questions should I ask her?

My oldest son is 23 and was over for dinner complaining about how all the women he knows and dates are all on mental health drugs. He says they are all nuts, clinically nuts and doesn't understand why they are all drugged up, like it's a trend.

From what I see this is just how they cope with life. Whatever we are doing as a culture and society is creating a generation of people unable to cope.

Flame away, but this is just what I'm hearing.

You might want to reflect on why your son is attracted to women like that. He seems to complain as if he is a passive victim but he is the one who is choosing them.

Anonymous wrote:If her symptoms are quite debilitating then she may need medication to put her mind in a calm enough state to benefit from the talk therapy. For therapy to be effective, your mind needs to be well enough to think and process and problem solve and if her anxiety is high she won't be able to do that.

You can certainly talk to her about recovery and how most mental illnesses and definitely anxiety are treatable and people recover. That once she has it under control (potentially with meds) and has learned the skills to manage and has reframed her thinking, she likely won't need long term treatment.

Medication can be an important tool in recovery. It is important that it doesn't become a quick fix / relief that is easy to depend on versus doing the hard work but it can be critical to managing symptoms of a serious health condition.

Agree. We hospitalized my daughter in 9th grade. She had been seeing a therapist but was suicidal. At the hospital they put her on meds and it made a huge difference. Like the pp said, she reported that it saved her life and helped her be in a place to work on other things. I was also nervous about the meds, since she was already taking meds for ADHD and later added the birth control pill. That's a lot of chemicals! But they've really helped her. And later she decided to wean herself off the ADHD meds.

Me, I'm from another generation. I was also suicidal in high school and ended up seeing a therapist but never doing meds, despite long struggles with anxiety and depression. So, yes, people can overcome these things without medication, but why not give it a try, especially if it will make it easier to move forward in other ways? It's so hard to watch your child struggle. I know you can see the way forward without meds and you'd prefer that she do it that way - but she's the person who has to do it. Good luck to her and you. Hope things get better!

OP here. DD’s therapist has asked her to take SSRIs. DD herself has asked many questions and is a very responsible person. I am truly proud of her for asking for therapy and wanting to deal with this head on.
I guess I am emotional since she just turned 18 and well just a lot of things. She is an amazing kid and all I want her to be is happy and at peace.
Thank you all for understanding and especially those who get where I am coming from.

Anonymous wrote:Started seeing therapist in Feb so I feel like it’s a little early to be having this conversation but she feels that she is getting worse. Therapist has brought it up and she is considering it. She feels her anxiety is so bad that it is debilitating her. She is going to a great college int the fall and to the outside world her life is great but I know she struggles. Some things she mentions also seem normal to me so I find it confusing. This year has been hard for her but will it get better without the medication is what I am wondering. I worry that this will be something that she might feel the need to take all her life. If that’s what she needs then I am okay with it but am wondering if she should be trying other things too. All her friends go to therapists and are on medication so this is totally normal for her. But I would like to have a more wholistic approach. Medication plus CBT etc etc.
Any light you shine on this willl be helpful. How did it go with your teen? Did medication help? Do you think the therapist is jumping into this too quickly? I asked her if she tried CBT and she says she doesn’t know and that the therapist doesn’t label things.
I intend to speak with the therapist soon. What kind of questions should I ask her?

Don't worry about this now. If she feels she's getting worse, and has voiced she feels debilitated, plus therapist has mentioned medication, then it's something to seriously consider. It can help DD's body and mind settle to a point where she is more receptive to therapy.

You talk a lot about how you're feeling, what you're wondering. Which is natural as a parent, I get it. But don't let that hold back DD from seeking the additional help she feels she needs.

OP,

My DD turned 18 in April. She started Cymbalta (60mgs) for anxiety and Topomax (50mg) for migraines in January.

We had tried other solutions with no luck for about 6 months. Therapy, whole food, yoga, supplements.

Finally DD sat me down and said she wanted desperately to try meds. So I said ok. Found her a shrink and a neuro and got her started.

It helped her. The anxiety was harder for me to measure but she has stopped having panic attacks so that was good. The 2 migraines a week also stopped.

I know it is so hard OP to see our children in pain (physical or mental) and we SO want to do the right thing.

I too have concerns about college so personally I think its a good idea to try to get her settled on meds b4 she leaves for school.

Anyway OP ask questions, listen to your DD, and you will help her navigate. She is lucky to have an involved mom who loves her.

Also the release form is called a HIPPA release form. This allows the docs to talk to you about your DD. Granted some therapists do prefer to keep sessions private as that helps some patients to open up more.

You know, I don't know what anxiety/OCD/migraines are so rampant among the youth of today. I wonder if it's more reporting of it; social media; Iphone addiction; or maybe even school shootings. Just seems to be everywhere. Who knows. Guess it doesn't matter really.

No shame in medicine although many feel this way. Personally, I have told DD to not tell everyone about her meds. It's personal information to only be shared with supportive friends or as needed ...