Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 11:11     Subject: Re:“You need to have another kid!”
People just make comments for conversation and I have responded with "you need to have a third kid 3 is the new 2" or "too late to return your kid" and so on. These are all just offhand and not serious talk.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 09:23     Subject: Re:“You need to have another kid!”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you deal with that. Here's the thing - some people mean it flippantly and aren't trying to be rude. Other people are being judgmental. And others maybe are trying to hurt you. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what their motivation for saying it is. You need to be able to handle this kind of comment and let it slide off your back. I think the rude responses in return are funny (and frankly well-deserved if the person was trying to be mean), but you don't want to be the person who says nasty things. So find a way to make peace with your situation and allow this comment to fly away as soon as it's uttered so that it doesn't have an effect on you. You can't control other people, you can only control yourself.

+1
.


Op does need to learn coping strategies. At the same time, we as a society need to do better at realizing what may be small talk for us may be very hurtful for others.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 09:13     Subject: Re:“You need to have another kid!”
Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry you deal with that. Here's the thing - some people mean it flippantly and aren't trying to be rude. Other people are being judgmental. And others maybe are trying to hurt you. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what their motivation for saying it is. You need to be able to handle this kind of comment and let it slide off your back. I think the rude responses in return are funny (and frankly well-deserved if the person was trying to be mean), but you don't want to be the person who says nasty things. So find a way to make peace with your situation and allow this comment to fly away as soon as it's uttered so that it doesn't have an effect on you. You can't control other people, you can only control yourself.

+1
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 09:12     Subject: “You need to have another kid!”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.


DP You must not live around here! I would think most people in DC would say "you aren't having any more kids, right?"

I do live in the DC area. People may think that, but aren’t rude enough to say it to me. Only on DCUM do I get the awful comments. I actually do get asked often when the next one is coming.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 09:12     Subject: “You need to have another kid!”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.


Just because people say it all the time in an offhand way doesn't make it ok. Maybe you're willing to put up with people making dumb comments to you but I'm not. When people make that kind of comment (when are you having kids/more kids, getting married, etc) I say that's a very personal question, I wouldn't have the guts to ask it! and move on.

I guess I am willing to put up with it. I find myself in a better mood if I assume people come with good intentions and let it roll. I feel like people are so sensitive these days that it’s hard to make small talk. No subject is safe.


Unless you're close with someone I think avoiding very personal matters in small talk is a safe bet. When you're chatting there's always a more neutral topic than my reproductive plan.


omg nobody cares about your reproductive plans. no, really. why waste your time stewing over comments that someone just threw your way randomly?

+1 no one cares.


DP If they really didn't care than they wouldn't ask you the question. I get what you are saying but, really we shouldn't be asking those questions anyway. It is rude no matter they think it as "small talk"
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 09:09     Subject: “You need to have another kid!”
Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.


DP You must not live around here! I would think most people in DC would say "you aren't having any more kids, right?"
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 08:44     Subject: “You need to have another kid!”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op, do you complain about Parenthood? I only respond that way to my friend who complains her only child is a bear.


NP. This is so annoying. People are allowed to complain whether they have one child or seven. Those of you who play the "I have it harder" card because you have more kids are obnoxious.[/quote

My brothers family is like this. They have four and we have to hear about it all of the time. I am really tired of it. Yes it’s hard but they refuse to hire help (they have money). And try to make us feel so crappy if we go on trips with our two.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 08:40     Subject: Re:“You need to have another kid!”
OP, I'm sorry you deal with that. Here's the thing - some people mean it flippantly and aren't trying to be rude. Other people are being judgmental. And others maybe are trying to hurt you. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what their motivation for saying it is. You need to be able to handle this kind of comment and let it slide off your back. I think the rude responses in return are funny (and frankly well-deserved if the person was trying to be mean), but you don't want to be the person who says nasty things. So find a way to make peace with your situation and allow this comment to fly away as soon as it's uttered so that it doesn't have an effect on you. You can't control other people, you can only control yourself.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 08:37     Subject: “You need to have another kid!”
Anonymous wrote:Op, do you complain about Parenthood? I only respond that way to my friend who complains her only child is a bear.


NP. This is so annoying. People are allowed to complain whether they have one child or seven. Those of you who play the "I have it harder" card because you have more kids are obnoxious.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 08:35     Subject: “You need to have another kid!”
If people rely on small talk about when others are having unprotected sex then they need to find other things to talk about
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2019 08:29     Subject: “You need to have another kid!”
Yup! We adopted and decided to stop at one. I am infertile. The worst thing it’s my friends who have had success with two kids via ivf are the ones who say this. Ugh
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2019 22:36     Subject: “You need to have another kid!”
Op, do you complain about Parenthood? I only respond that way to my friend who complains her only child is a bear.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2019 22:00     Subject: “You need to have another kid!”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I promise you it is being said as an offhand comment. Don’t internalize it. How do I know? Because I have seven kids and people still say “time for another one!” You feel like it’s because you have only one, but it’s not.


+1. They will stop once you reach a certain age.


Man, when is that? I'm 41 and people won't stop making comments about my lack of children.


Really? I didn’t have a baby until almost 37, and I was never regularly asked this question. I just can’t imagine this coming up in everyday conversation unless it’s the same people asking over and over again, in which case you tell them to kindly F off.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2019 14:46     Subject: “You need to have another kid!”
Anonymous wrote:onlies are freaky have more kids


I'd love to, but the infertility and losses have decided otherwise for me.

Anonymous
Post 05/15/2019 14:39     Subject: “You need to have another kid!”
onlies are freaky have more kids