In our family our child would swim every optional morning practice if he could (elementary school). We usually limit the mornings to 1x per week but it is hard to say no when the child is so determined. I absolutely hate the morning practices.

I consider myself a regular parent. Kids are 1 and 4 and in zero activities other than swimming and that's for safety.

However, I was extremely athletic and highly self-motivated. I would have played soccer every day for hours growing up if I could have.

If it's kid driven, I see no problem with it.

I definitely think parents that push this stuff are nuts. What are they trying to accomplish?

I would love it if my kids want to play sports. I built so many friendships and so much confidence through my experiences. But I plan on stepping back and letting them decide.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want my kid in tears begging to go play ball all the time. I don’t like leaving the house either and I’ve tried to skew their interests to less commitment type of teams and organizations and they’ll have none of that. I know to the others I sound awful telling my kid there is NO future in all this work but it’s the truth despite my kid being the top player. It’s worth it to them and their own compass of desires but not for me. The kids that have the pushy parents are usually almost as good but not the best so I see why they would push if they care more but they won’t be as good as the obsessive kid who pushes them self.

Do you have Agoraphobia?

I don’t want my kid in tears begging to go play ball all the time. I don’t like leaving the house either and I’ve tried to skew their interests to less commitment type of teams and organizations and they’ll have none of that. I know to the others I sound awful telling my kid there is NO future in all this work but it’s the truth despite my kid being the top player. It’s worth it to them and their own compass of desires but not for me. The kids that have the pushy parents are usually almost as good but not the best so I see why they would push if they care more but they won’t be as good as the obsessive kid who pushes them self.

For my DD it was great. She just likely playing sports and roughhousing. The girls in her class did not want to play sports. She was forced to play with the boys. I remember after her first practice with the team how happy she was to be around other girls who wanted to play sport.

For one the passion is just to be be busy and play a sport that they enjoy with peers. For another the passion is to continuously improve and be the best at the sport, maybe play in college. I have no problem supporting the passion. At least they are not out doing nothing.

Elite normally means Division I programs with at least a partial scholarship or a highly competitive Division II school. There are plenty of kids who play on their College teams but they are not the ones who are recruited or ending up on TV for games.

My niece was on the tennis team at her Division III school, she had played tennis for 3 years at high school. I am proud of her for playing on her College Team but not exactly elite. She still had to worry about practice time and strength training and the like, so it was a time commitment and added to her schedule. I am very proud of her for giving it a go and enjoying her time on the team but it is not elite.

My brother played a year or two of water polo at a Division II school, big time commitment but he would not consider it elite.

I guess when I think of elite, I think the players who play on programs that place people in professional sports on a regular basis or n the Olympic team. My College sent people to the Olympics in volleyball (both mens and womens) and water polo. The demands on those athletes time is far greater then the volleyball player at a Division II or III program or even a Division I that was not as competitive.

Anonymous wrote:I love how the OP specifically asked for non-sporty kid parents to answer the questions, but the parents of sports kids could not control themselves. Interesting...

What's the point of asking people who aren't involved in something their thoughts on it? It's like asking me how I feel about Judaism and keeping kosher. I have no idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Do you think it is all worth it in the end for these parents?

It was worth it for my son, not for me, but I'm a parent and I parent the kid I got not the one I hoped for.
I rarely "fought for playing time"... I can think of 2 times I talked to the coach about my son being super unhappy about his "role" on the team... or position, not time.

At such an early age, could the kid REALLY want this?

He absolutely wanted it and more. He would even go to a friends "practice" to get more time playing and the coach let him because they were recreation and he played club and the coach thought the kids could learn from him... and he could walk there.

Very few make it to an elite athletic professional level and even then, is it so wonderful?


He did actually make it to an "elite" level... was it wonderful... no it was hard, grueling, hard on the body, insane... did he quite.. no, he is an adult and he
can quit any time, yet he still plays.


As a parent, at times it was wonderful... to see your child dedicate himself to something so completely and perform at such a high level. Most the time I worry that he will fail or get hurt or both.

What is it all REALLY for?

It's his passion, I didn't choose it, I'm not even sure if he actually chose it... he was born this way.

This is similar to our experience, except the elite part. My DS has been so driven since a very young age. We were never the parents who yelled and made demands. We told our DS that whenever he was done that was ok with us, he just had to finish any season that he started. He plays baseball in college now and has to give up quite a bit to be able to play, but this is his passion. He just told me the other day he has no regrets and I am very proud of his hard work, determination and drive.

Isn’t college an elite level?

I have one sports kid and one music kid. The sports kid wanted to try travel for a year and we did because he was good enough and because he wanted to and we can afford it. He lasted only one season -- he liked the frequency of play but not all the travel (early times, missing stuff with his school friends) and we didn't like the parents (hyper competitive, singularly focused). He was back on a lower level team this year and much happier. (and of course, he is now a much better player). He will play his sport recreationally for his whole life, will never be good enough for college or beyond.

But interestingly my music kid is much more involved, spends more hours on music than my sports kid does on sports, and I think it's a lot. There is so much pressure for year round work, competition, etc that I really don't think was around when we were kids But music is his life and there is literally no way I could stop it - it's totally worth it for him, it's a big part of his identity and he would not give it up.

I honestly think you just have to try to listen and leave it up to the kids if you can, so they have your buy in.

No chance of me ever pushing a kid to swim at 6 am in a cold pool 2 hours away without them loving it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is everything in this area club or travel teams for the tween set? Whatever happened to middle school teams? All I hear about are club and travel sports. I know high school sports teams exist, but do middle schools in this area not offer interscholastic sports?

There are Rec leagues for kids who don’t want to play travel ball. I have no idea how many there are or how easy they are to find. I believe there are CYA teams as well. So yes, there are other options that are less time consuming and expensive.

There are rec leagues for almost anything up through high school. In Fairfax,
There are no middle school sports teams. And if they had them, only a small percentage of the school could participate given the size of the schools

I was a talented classical ballet dancer until age 16 when my parents talked me into quitting. I'm still bitter, though I'm absolutely sure I'm better off financially in a white collar career than I would have been as a professional ballet dancer.

Most parents try to do the best for their kids. They don't have a crystal ball.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how the OP specifically asked for non-sporty kid parents to answer the questions, but the parents of sports kids could not control themselves. Interesting...

You obviously can't read. OP asked 'regular' parents to chime in (that was her exact wording) and in no respect limited responses to non-sporty kid parents. Try again.

I am a non-sporty parent with a child who found two activities they love. Sports and music. Nice balance. Who am I to say no when we can afford it?

I wish my kids were a bit more interested in sports. I have to push them even to do the rec leagues or play basketball with me in the driveway. We are a no screen house, so it isn’t that. They would rather read, play pretend, play legos, etc. All of that stuff is great, but it’s all done solo or with siblings.

Anonymous wrote:I love how the OP specifically asked for non-sporty kid parents to answer the questions, but the parents of sports kids could not control themselves. Interesting...

You obviously can't read. OP asked 'regular' parents to chime in (that was her exact wording) and in no respect limited responses to non-sporty kid parents. Try again.