I'm just really struggling with whether I want another kid and I just had two miscarriages so it seems like maybe my body is deciding things for me?

Anonymous wrote:I am very surprised by the people who think 2 is more than 2x as hard as 1. Not my experience at all. I think each kid is a bit easier/there's less change and our 3 (all 2 years apart) is about 2x as hard as 1 was.

I think it's greatly dependent upon the natural-born personalities of the kids involved. Our two (4 and 2) play well together a lot of the time, and love each other fiercely. They also get quite competitive with each other (who gets to open or close a door first, who gets the first hug from parent, etc.) -- and that is utterly exhausting. The competition between the kids brings out bad behavior. When DH and I divide and conquer, and each only have one child, it is a different world -- and comparatively SO EASY.

I'm only two years in and I love seeing the sibling relationship and I love the youngest so much. The logistics and time and all that gets a lot harder.

My 2 cents: overall the baby experience with the second tends to be easier, but the transition to a family of four is tough. Definitely more than double the work with two kids. We were in a great groove with 3 year old and 2 careers, and it upended everything. For your older child, the period of adjustment to having a sibling and navigating the new dynamics is ongoing and upwards of a year. Expect to see a lot of changes when the oldest is no longer the center of the world. Career -- well, you're going to have double the sick days and sleep disturbances to deal with, even if both kids sleep relatively well it's still a crapshoot. Marriage/personal -- the first child does not go away so the second child slips into the "extra" time you have and you cut away anything that's not child related.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stick with one and done.

Agree. They will be 4 years apart now. It’s too far.

Disagree. My kids are 4 years apart (intentionally) and it’s worked out very well for us.

I'm five from my sister and we're very tight.

But we're also one and done and happy about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stick with one and done.

Agree. They will be 4 years apart now. It’s too far.

I'm 4 years apart from my sister and we are very close. I don't think the whole idea of having kids close in age to guarantee they'll be personally close holds any merit. It's about the children as individuals. It does not matter how close or far apart they are born.

Anonymous wrote:Stick with one and done.

Agree. They will be 4 years apart now. It’s too far.

Anonymous wrote:It is a huge transition and harder than you imagine. Of course it is worth it as I love my second baby but it truly rocks the whole family’s world.

This is the best description. Transition was so much harder than I could have ever imagined. But I love our second so much and now at 11 months I am starting to come out the fog. I anticipate it will get harder in the next few months as baby starts to walk and older is only 3.5 and still needs a lot of attention.

We have Irish twins; 2yo and 1yo. It is HARD!!!! Both of us work full time with an hour commute into DC....kids come with us to daycare in DC. I would say that it gets easier once the 2yo can play by himself for a few minutes and the baby went to a sippy cup.

If you really want another, go for it sooner than later. Yes it’ll be hard for a few years but then the early years will be a distant memory and you’ll have two kids. Of course if you’re not sure you want another, that’s a different story. Good luck with your decision!

I didn’t really find it that hard, but I was only working part time with kid 1, then stayed home with both kids when kid 2 was born (they are almost 4.5 years apart). Things seem like less of a big deal with the second kid (in a good way). After a year or two, they play together. At the beginning, the baby just ate, slept, or hung out in the carrier a lot. We coslept, so I didn’t miss out on much sleep. At 5 & 9, I think having 2 is easier than one because they play (& fight) together a lot.
It’s obviously different for everyone.