Anonymous wrote:Read about middle children. They have issues. Nothing horrible but it’s a thing.

NP with 3 kids - what would you recommend?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally abused may be an exaggeration but it's the first time your son learned words to fit his feelings. He should not be dealing with brothers picking on him all the time. Put an end to that. And just because little sister wants her way doesn't make her right. He's shared something very painful with you. Listen to him. When you talk to him don't discredit his emotional abuse statement. Just tell him you're so happy he shared with you.

We had a good talk today about hurt feelings and abuse. I said it was wrong to give in to the toddler. She ran off with his book earlier and made her give the book back. Toddler cried and had a fit. This is the type of situation where we may have previously let toddler run off and I would have tried to distract or get book after she is tired of it (5-10min). DS seemed satisfied that we took book from toddler and gave it back to DS immediately.

I am going to make an active effort to yell less, especially to DS since I now know how sensitive he is to it.

Good OP. I'm glad you actually heard and listened to him and enacted some plans to validate him and his feelings.

Anonymous wrote:There's no reason to yell at a kid who is going to slow. Natural consequences are available--he goes out to the bus in pajamas, or he walks to school.

More important, what are you yelling when you yell at him. "HURRY UP, I CAN'T DRIVE YOU TODAY" or "WHY ARE YOU SUCH A SLOWPOKE? I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL"?

He does need to understand that abuse is about power. A 2 year old has no power over him (except the power you give her); she's not "abusing" him. But his overall feeling may be reasonable, depending on what you're saying and how often you're saying it.

letting your kid go to schools in pajamas is the definition of crappy parenting. but this is where our parenting is in 2019.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t understand what emotional abuse is.

Seriously. It minimizes real abuse when any situation a kid doesn’t like can be classified as abuse. It’s not helping anyone, let alone the kid.

Give him words for what he’s feeling. Frustration, anger, unfairness, etc. Help him verbalize what he doesn’t like about his family dynamic. You can also come up with actions you can take to improve the dynamic. However, it’s ridiculous to validate that “he’s emotionally abused” because he misunderstood what that means.

Thank you. Voice of reason, finally.

+1

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t understand what emotional abuse is.

Seriously. It minimizes real abuse when any situation a kid doesn’t like can be classified as abuse. It’s not helping anyone, let alone the kid.

Give him words for what he’s feeling. Frustration, anger, unfairness, etc. Help him verbalize what he doesn’t like about his family dynamic. You can also come up with actions you can take to improve the dynamic. However, it’s ridiculous to validate that “he’s emotionally abused” because he misunderstood what that means.

Thank you. Voice of reason, finally.

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. Does your son suffer from anxiety, depression or have ADD? Read up on it and you will see that one of the symptoms is always feeling picked on.

No, I don’t think he suffers from any of those. He seems like a healthy, well rounded, happy kid. He has lots of friends, enjoys sports, chess and cub scouts.

DS has a good life and he is loved. That’s why I was so surprised that he felt the way that he did.

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally abused may be an exaggeration but it's the first time your son learned words to fit his feelings. He should not be dealing with brothers picking on him all the time. Put an end to that. And just because little sister wants her way doesn't make her right. He's shared something very painful with you. Listen to him. When you talk to him don't discredit his emotional abuse statement. Just tell him you're so happy he shared with you.

We had a good talk today about hurt feelings and abuse. I said it was wrong to give in to the toddler. She ran off with his book earlier and made her give the book back. Toddler cried and had a fit. This is the type of situation where we may have previously let toddler run off and I would have tried to distract or get book after she is tired of it (5-10min). DS seemed satisfied that we took book from toddler and gave it back to DS immediately.

I am going to make an active effort to yell less, especially to DS since I now know how sensitive he is to it.

Emotionally abused may be an exaggeration but it's the first time your son learned words to fit his feelings. He should not be dealing with brothers picking on him all the time. Put an end to that. And just because little sister wants her way doesn't make her right. He's shared something very painful with you. Listen to him. When you talk to him don't discredit his emotional abuse statement. Just tell him you're so happy he shared with you.

I think a lot of it is about how they process what's going on. You do have to parent some kids differently. My sister and I were raised the same way. I love my parents and am extremely close to them. They're good people. My sister says that my parents were emotionally abusive and negligent. She thinks she should have been able to see a therapist weekly about this the entire time she was growing up. I'm always shocked to hear her talk about our parents because our views are so drastically different. If anything, my sister was a tough kid who didn't have to do enough chores.

Hi OP. Does your son suffer from anxiety, depression or have ADD? Read up on it and you will see that one of the symptoms is always feeling picked on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t understand what emotional abuse is.

Seriously. It minimizes real abuse when any situation a kid doesn’t like can be classified as abuse. It’s not helping anyone, let alone the kid.

Give him words for what he’s feeling. Frustration, anger, unfairness, etc. Help him verbalize what he doesn’t like about his family dynamic. You can also come up with actions you can take to improve the dynamic. However, it’s ridiculous to validate that “he’s emotionally abused” because he misunderstood what that means.

My mom was borderline emotionally abusive. Op does set off some red flags that she might be too.

Different poster and same.

The fact that she admits to yelling at her kid regularly but doesn’t think it’s an issue, the fact that she is jumping to “he’s being oversensitive.” Definitely some red flags.

+1

Regular yelling at your kids is not normal or healthy.

Well I'm not sure it isn't "normal" but would agree that it isn't healthy.

Anonymous wrote:He doesn’t understand what emotional abuse is.

Seriously. It minimizes real abuse when any situation a kid doesn’t like can be classified as abuse. It’s not helping anyone, let alone the kid.

Give him words for what he’s feeling. Frustration, anger, unfairness, etc. Help him verbalize what he doesn’t like about his family dynamic. You can also come up with actions you can take to improve the dynamic. However, it’s ridiculous to validate that “he’s emotionally abused” because he misunderstood what that means.

YES this. Your kid doesn't understand abuse, but you should also talk with him about what he's feeling. Go back to him and say "Larlo, I want to talk about what you said to us yesterday. I understand that you feel sad, angry or frustrated when you get yelled at or punished. And I want to talk about that with you in a little bit and figure out what is going on. But I want you to know that this isn't emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is [fill in specifics - saying that a kid won't be loved unless they do X, berating a kid/calling them worthless, etc.]. We always love you and we don't do these things, but I do want you to tell us if others ever do that to you." Then talk about his feelings on the other stuff.

I would set aside some time to spend with him one on one where you are not in a rush for a while. Maybe drop one of his activities and do fro yo dates with mom instead for a few months. Sounds like he needs some extra attention but hides his pain very well. Catch it now before it gets worse.

Anonymous wrote:Encourage him to think about the difference between abuse and incidents that make people upset.

This. It doesn’t seem like anyone around him needs to modify their behavior. This is life. He needs to toughen up a little bit. It cheapens ACTUAL abuse.

My dd told her dentist that she was abused because I missed one 6 months cleaning!