To not turn out like them start doing and cultivating lots of interests now. The older you get the more set in your ways. And your circle of comfort for travel, grocery store, meeting new people etc shrinks. My inlaws are pretty much there. Both retired, only go to two grocery stores, one farmers market. New things are hard for them. But thank goodness they are both part of several activities and have been for a long time so they feel comfort there and keep going and it keeps them out of the house and active and with people. Orchestra, museum volunteer, political volunteering, pool membership. That sort of thing. We also gifted them theater and concert tickets a long time ago and they became members and now have standing dates every couple of things to shows since they aren't comfortable with those venues.

Watching MSNBC tends to rot the brain.
She need therapy.

You hope your kids are more empathetic than you.

Just a small suggestion, with my 79 year old mother I have started playing board games with her when she is over and visiting us. My DDs are 10 and 14, they do not have a lot in common to talk about so I find it works well as something engaging and fun to do.

Anonymous wrote: Mom is well-educated and fairly -off but literally only watches MSNBC except when she’s going on her many doctors appointments. No reading, exercise, travel, won’t go to a museum in DC, no lectures, no classes, no big social circle. She lives for her grandchild, my child, but we live hours away.

I’m asking how to stay grateful and not let her get to me, and how I can try to live in ways to avoid becoming her. Any advice? Thanks.

Your mom doesn't have purpose and is bored. She doesn't have enough to occupy her mind and her time and it results in her stewing and being anxious. Her excessive Dr's appointments may be a way of giving herself something to do. I don't know if I have any advice for you other than to just be understanding. If you don't want to end up like this, then you need to make sure that you maintain some sort of purpose and focus into your retirement. It doesn't need to be work, but it does need to be something that feels valuable to you. A book club or other type of hobby club that requires you to do or contribute something by a deadline, a regular workout schedule, regular visits to friends/family, doing something for others (volunteering, organizing meal trains for sick friends/family, etc.). All people need a "job" - something that makes them feel useful and part of the community. Your mother has lost this. Don't let it happen to you!

The OP is a whiner. Her mother can do what she wants.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the only person in DCUM who is 65. I can tell you I would rather go to the dentist than volunteer. Some people just hate it — the politics, the virtue signaling, the pointlessness of it, “art for the poor” sandwich making etc etc. Your mom probably volunteered all she wanted to when you were in school and now she’s DONE.

You sound awful. Not because you don’t volunteer but because you’re trying to paint people who do give their time as doing it for selfish reasons. Help people or don’t help, that’s your choice. But don’t try to act like you don’t do it for virtuous reasons.

The volunteer crowd are the worst people. So deluded and proud of themselves. Virtuous no.

You can’t change people. My MIL is mostly alone and a hypochondriac. She watches tv all day. She has been like this the entire time I have known her and it has gotten worse in the years since she’s stopped working. She didn’t like to socialize with people when she was more active and working either. The complaining has gotten worse since she has retired but we stopped giving suggestions of hobbies and things she could do. I wouldn’t want her telling me what I should do. Other relatives the same age or older in their 70s have friends, social lives and stay active. They are much happier.

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the only person in DCUM who is 65. I can tell you I would rather go to the dentist than volunteer. Some people just hate it — the politics, the virtue signaling, the pointlessness of it, “art for the poor” sandwich making etc etc. Your mom probably volunteered all she wanted to when you were in school and now she’s DONE.

You sound awful. Not because you don’t volunteer but because you’re trying to paint people who do give their time as doing it for selfish reasons. Help people or don’t help, that’s your choice. But don’t try to act like you don’t do it for virtuous reasons.

Op here - we have never forced my parents to care for our child. I don’t want my mom or anyone to live for my child, I want people to live for themselves. It’s not a sacrifice for anything to literally have no hobbies, pals, routines other than tv. It makes me very sad that heir lives are not in any way fun or full.

Anonymous wrote:No idea. I’m lucky to have many fun, vibrant and active 70-80 year old relatives. They all travel, socialize, go to the latest restaurants, have dinner parties, etc. my parents stayed in the area and my relatives all live near NYC. I think staying urban helps.

+1

We didn’t force my parents to watch or do childcare for us. They have full, fun and active lives in their 70s. They stayed in the area and have neighbors they have known for 40+ years, retired work colleagues and old friends the see all of the time. They still vacation with old college buddies. Their grandkids, age 11-26, still live to go visit them. They were always very involved and have so much fun with them.

They love life. My dad always stayed so current and always had the latest technological device before me.

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the only person in DCUM who is 65. I can tell you I would rather go to the dentist than volunteer. Some people just hate it — the politics, the virtue signaling, the pointlessness of it, “art for the poor” sandwich making etc etc. Your mom probably volunteered all she wanted to when you were in school and now she’s DONE.

I am 73 and on DCUM because we are raising three grandchildren and I need current advice in my tweens and a teen. I work full time and my retired husband does during the week school related things. I pitch in on the weekends. We have groceries delivered and weekly cleaning but otherwise the grandchildren are helpful

I see many friends like your mother who have stopped working and given up on life. We do not make these or our other grandchildren the reason to exist. My husband takes classes, maintains the yard, and tutors kids. I do a
Little volunteer work that I have done since my 20s. I think staying active and developing interests keeps you vibrant at any age. That’s my plan.

Anonymous wrote:I’m probably the only person in DCUM who is 65. I can tell you I would rather go to the dentist than volunteer. Some people just hate it — the politics, the virtue signaling, the pointlessness of it, “art for the poor” sandwich making etc etc. Your mom probably volunteered all she wanted to when you were in school and now she’s DONE.

No, she didn’t at all, but I know it’s not for anyone. I know this is hard to believe but some people are only about work and retire but never find anything to fill life in after. She retired before 60, is now past 75, and never had things besides television, really, and going to church weekly to fill the time. I guess this is not conceivable to people, and I know she felt burned out. I just wish she had developed more interesting and stimulating patterns in the past 18 years, and whether it’s connected to diabetes or advanced age or not, having more to think about or do might have made her overall happier and more pleasant overall.

No idea. I’m lucky to have many fun, vibrant and active 70-80 year old relatives. They all travel, socialize, go to the latest restaurants, have dinner parties, etc. my parents stayed in the area and my relatives all live near NYC. I think staying urban helps.

I’m probably the only person in DCUM who is 65. I can tell you I would rather go to the dentist than volunteer. Some people just hate it — the politics, the virtue signaling, the pointlessness of it, “art for the poor” sandwich making etc etc. Your mom probably volunteered all she wanted to when you were in school and now she’s DONE.