She's being self centered. You have to just say no and repeat, repeat. If you give in to the pouting or whining that his birthday isn't being celebrated properly then she will learn that putting and whining is the way to get what she want.

So many naive people, OP said her mom is a drama queen. And you all think she would just quietly sit there while kids are watching a movie without complaining about something the whole time?

Oof some of you are hard a**. How about ask your DS, who is old enough to decide if he wants his grandmother to attend.

OP it does seem like you and mom have a tense relationship. But how is she as a grandmother? Is she amazing, loving and makes your kid feel great about his achievements? That's what's important. When I had a child, I didn't care about how I was treated (within reason). If someone loved and gushed over my DS...that was good enough for me. Everyone is so damn cranky! It's a couple of hours. This is what we do for grandparents.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's cruel to exclude your mom from celebrating her grandchild at each event. What's wrong with giving her the option to? I'm really close to my parents, though. Can't imagine not having them there for everything.

It is *cruel* to not let a grandparent celebrate a kid's birthday at *each* event?

Seriously?

Kid is having two celebrations, one of which is a kid-focused activity - it is *cruel* to not let Granny participate?

You are completely off your rocker. If this is you'r idea of cruel, you must have a really hard time with the real world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just invite your mom to his party? Seems simple to me.

OP here. The thing is there really wouldn’t be an actual party. It would be him hanging out with a few friends fishing at a park or even watching a movie, we’re thinking. I remember that by a certain age when I was a kid grandparents weren’t at every birthday. Maybe they came over and we all went out to dinner and got presents. But they didn’t join us for a pool party or at the bowling alley. Maybe the WWII generation wasn’t all that crazy when it came to grandkids birthdays to begin with.

So what? You will be there, dad will be there, who cares if there's another adult? Who cares how it was when you were a kid or what others are doing? None of that matters. It's such a small ask. You seem petty to dig in your heels about it.

This is the rationale that allows people without boundaries to walk over everyone else. I'm sorry, I'm through coddling petty, score-keeping behavior from people who get pissy over non issues to keep the peace. You know what also keeps the peace? People acting like freakin' grownups. OP's mother needs to grow up - here's no big birthday party, just two separate events - a dinner with family, and an activity with friends. She's invited to the first, not the second - end of story. Or, if she prefers, she can come to neither - it's entirely up to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not just invite your mom to his party? Seems simple to me.

OP here. The thing is there really wouldn’t be an actual party. It would be him hanging out with a few friends fishing at a park or even watching a movie, we’re thinking. I remember that by a certain age when I was a kid grandparents weren’t at every birthday. Maybe they came over and we all went out to dinner and got presents. But they didn’t join us for a pool party or at the bowling alley. Maybe the WWII generation wasn’t all that crazy when it came to grandkids birthdays to begin with.

So what? You will be there, dad will be there, who cares if there's another adult? Who cares how it was when you were a kid or what others are doing? None of that matters. It's such a small ask. You seem petty to dig in your heels about it.

Wait what?

So, the kid can’t have a friend birthday party because Grandma can’t deal with it?

OP, you need to stand firm otherwise you’re going to planning sleepover parties for the kids + Grandma.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her come to his party. What's the big deal? The kids won't care. It's nice she wants to be part of it.

+1 ...why wouldn't you want her there?

Because OP's house, OP's son, OP's rules. She needs to start treating herself as an adult that she is. Grandma needs to get over it. Mom, this is for the kids, your whining like a kid is not nice. Treat her like a kid, yes she will have a tantrum and act out, but she is already doing this while OP is being nice about it.