I would start a 529 for them but not tell my sister. I would also take each one or two a time to spend time with me. I would try to be as much of a positive influence as I could. I would make sure they have things like a laptop in HS if the school does not provide one. Depending on my financial status, I would send them to an enrichment camp to foster a strength and interest of theirs. I would give no money to my sister, unless it I’d directtlu to a program for her to get a certificate or degree.

Nope, I'm totally in your camp OP. Stick to your guns and your boundaries.

Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

OP: Yes, she is my sister and yes, we did grow up in the same household, but we were always very different. She is really the last person I'd call if my husband was sick or if something happened to my child. She can't even remember DC's birthday but expects us to not remember her kids' important dates and give good gifts. Why should I enable her to continue making wrong choices? She had same opportunities as me and she's the one who messed up over and over but I am the one to blame. I work hard, so does my husband. Why should HE support someone else's children?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

+1

Thing could change for you OP. Tables turn. Keep your family a priority. My sister became estranged after a money grab from our parents estate. She is very lonely now. Money is not #1.

-1. Give the sister money so her kids can attend private school when they live in an area with good public schools? No way.

Yeah, private school tuition for 2 kids, plus European vacations and overnight camps? That's tens of thousands of dollars a year, for a decade or more.

Now, I might feel differently is OP had an HHI of $1m+ - but maybe not. Absent that, there's no freakin' way I'm supporting my sibling's desire for a fancy lifestyle. As a PP said, food and necessities, yes - subsidizing an UMC lifestyle? No chance.

Most private schools give tuition breaks and/or scholarships based on financial need if the applicant is able to get into the school. Tell sister to look into that.

Similar situation as OP in my family but no kids, just a BIL who is ‘Peter Pan’. My husband bought the family business from his mom so Peter Pan could continue his free loading. More things are involved with this situation but the gist of it is once you give an inch they expect a mile.

To the previous poster who said flippantly give the money, let me ask you a question. Why should OP get up every day and work to support another adult couple and their children when they are physically able to work?!? Give a man a fish they will eat for a day, teach a man to fish they will eat for life. Think about that for a minute!

No and don't feel bad for saying no either.

If people give you a hard time over that, they don't have your best interests at heart and you should cut them out of your life.

What a terrible attitude she has.

I could imagine helping a relative in need, but not someone who thinks it's their due.

Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

Food, rent maybe. Private school and travel? No.

Are you close to the kids?
Are any of them gifted or have another special need/talent?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

+1

Thing could change for you OP. Tables turn. Keep your family a priority. My sister became estranged after a money grab from our parents estate. She is very lonely now. Money is not #1.

The sister has four kids, that’s a big commitment for private school and fancy vacations. I would consider myself well off, but funding five private educations is a large amount of money. What if she pays this and then this living on the edge family has a real crisis (health or can’t pay mortgage)? If it were me I’d be too overextended at that point to help.

I might help with some necessities but private school is not a necessity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

+1

Thing could change for you OP. Tables turn. Keep your family a priority. My sister became estranged after a money grab from our parents estate. She is very lonely now. Money is not #1.

-1. Give the sister money so her kids can attend private school when they live in an area with good public schools? No way.

I'm curious about your siblings' role in this, OP. She's hit them up for money, too. Did they help her and, if so, for what?

Anonymous wrote:Help her. Why not. If you can afford it. She is your sister not a stranger. One day you might need help,, not money but what if your husband dies and you are left alone and everyone else will be old and dead and she will be all you have. That little money will be between you two and then it will so not matter.

Why money is everything. Isn't it you guys make it to do good with it? This is your chance to help her children to get ahead in life and one day maybe they will help you .. or not but still. So many people here give to charity to strangers but when a family could be helped the same people raise hell.

+1

Thing could change for you OP. Tables turn. Keep your family a priority. My sister became estranged after a money grab from our parents estate. She is very lonely now. Money is not #1.

- sorry, some of your post got copied again by mistake