16:11 here. Also, should add that I grew up in a cluttered disaster of a house (We had fleas!), and turned out basically fine. You are giving your kids the most important stuff: love, security, food, etc.

A couple ideas:

1. Ask a friend to help you. I know it is hard to reach out, especially when you are depressed, but a good friend would be so, so glad that you did. I would absolutely help a friend who told me she was struggling with this, even though I am also busy/barely holding it together.

2. A free alternative to therapy is Woebot: https://woebot.io/ I know it sounds kooky, but people swear it helps. Why not download it and give it a try?

Sorry, you are going through this. Remember, you are doing your best and that it's enough for the kids.

Maybe make a daily chart for 15 mins to one hour depending on your schedule -

Monday - dust and wipe things ( kids can help in this)
Tuesday - laundry and folding clothes ( again kids can help)
Wednesday - Picking up things and putting back in their place ( kids can help)
Thursday - Vacuum ( older kid can definitely help)
Friday - Dance party, put on music and dance with the kids

Weekend - DH and you spend an hour cleaning bathroom and paying attention to other things that need to be done around the house.

I will add - don't let it affect your willingness to entertain, because frankly, everyone else's house is a wreck as well. Unless there's mold growing on the dirty dishes, nobody's going to much care.

My DD is 16, but I started letting her shred mail and other docs when she was 3. To this day, she loves it.

Get your kids folding the smaller towels, pants, underthings, matching and balling socks, etc. You do the bigger linens and shirts.

I spend TONS of time with my daughter, and spent even more with her when she was younger and it was often while doing housework.

Pay someone to get it back to right, then do what you need to maintain that.

First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. Second, treat your depression. But, yes de-cluttering will feel so good. Clean house often offers clean mind. Do you have money to pay for someone to come and clean? You are over worked that seems true, no DH to help, working, and kids and the house, see how there is no gender equality in sight?? Anyone would be a mess with that much work to do.

OP. I am sorry you are struggling. I would get treated for your depression first. Then focus on cleaning.

Anonymous wrote:+1 million to the PP who recommended decluttering.

YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. Plus it will be easier to tidy up.

So agree! I think you are in a vicious cycle OP. Your depression is causing your house to become messy and then the clutter is spiraling your depression. I know my mood is definitely affected by my environment and I feel overwhelmed when things are in disarray. In fact, I read the emotional connection between clutter and stress especially hits moms hard.

Deep breaths! Your kids are more independent than when they were toddlers and you should have some more time to focus on creating a home environment that works for all of you.

If you can’t regularly outsource cleaning, how about a one time spring deep clean. Also, splurge on some nice storage/organizers and take a day or two off work to purge/organize while the house is quiet. Ideally, DH should be in on this with you.

And of course, seek treatment for your underlying depression. You may need meds to help get you out of this funk!

FlyLady.net

I have had this problem of a low-grade messy house for decades, whether working or not. It has blocked me from doing much entertaining. But it did not hurt my kids, who are now grown. They all turned out neater than I, and they know how to declutter on a regular basis. I like all the suggestions here and will try them too. I will add another:

Your spouse needs to be part of family life too, in any case but certainly when you are drowning. Maybe your spouse needs to consider a job change if there is no work/home balance. That is going to hurt your kids, and you, far more than a semi-messy house. Ask me how I know.

When I am overwhelmed about a messy house, I promise to put away only 10 things away in 10 minutes and do no more. It is an easy task to do and as a result there is a visible difference to the mess almost immediately. It motivates me to clean up more. Get your kids involved and set a timer. If every one picks and puts away 10 things within 10 minutes the house is magically transformed. My kids and I race around and shout out our count of tasks done.

You can do all areas, the common living space or even a room or a bathroom at a time.

Anonymous wrote:You are not damaging them bc of the state of the house. You aren’t living in squalor. You are keeping them happy healthy and fed. Is it cluttered? Sure. But it won’t give them a complex unless you specifically bring attention to it.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way. The clutter is probably effecting you. Can you set a timer to go through the clutter for a certain amount of time each day? Even if you start with just 10 minutes of going through the mail stack at night? 10 minute vacuum the next night? It may seem stupid at first but those 10 minutes may lead to more motivation to do other things other times of the day. Also, every week or every two weeks increase the time by 2 minutes, until you have the mess under control

+1

Wishing you the best!!

Where are you located? If I heard of anyone needing help like this, I would come to their house and do a deep clean for them for free (I live in Mont. County).

Remember, it is hard to keep a clean house when kids are little and you are working full time. You are doing great and prioritizing what gets done based on your energy, time and finances.

Please get help for your depression though.

+1 million to the PP who recommended decluttering.

YOU WILL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. Plus it will be easier to tidy up.