Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a postnup and the fact that you think he would not consider one points to the problem here. The guy cannot tolerate a direct conversation about how doing this is going to make you vulnerable. That sucks.

WTF is a "postnup" after 20 years of marriage?

You sound paranoid. Are you married?

Yes. Happily. And we have a postnup, negotiated after 10 years.

You sound like someone who doesn't really know what postnups are for.

If your dh divorces you and then suddenly he stops bringing in the big bucks, maybe retires early...what would happen to your postnup?

I cannot answer your question, which is based on incorrect, and sexist, assumptions about my situation.

(Are you asking a question or this rhetorical? The parties to the postnup agree to what they want in it. If they want it to address a situation like the one you raise, it does. If not, it does not.)

In the postnup after 20 years, do you also specify how many BJs and sexual interactions per week?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a postnup and the fact that you think he would not consider one points to the problem here. The guy cannot tolerate a direct conversation about how doing this is going to make you vulnerable. That sucks.

WTF is a "postnup" after 20 years of marriage?

You sound paranoid. Are you married?

Yes. Happily. And we have a postnup, negotiated after 10 years.

You sound like someone who doesn't really know what postnups are for.

If your dh divorces you and then suddenly he stops bringing in the big bucks, maybe retires early...what would happen to your postnup?

I cannot answer your question, which is based on incorrect, and sexist, assumptions about my situation.

(Are you asking a question or this rhetorical? The parties to the postnup agree to what they want in it. If they want it to address a situation like the one you raise, it does. If not, it does not.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a postnup and the fact that you think he would not consider one points to the problem here. The guy cannot tolerate a direct conversation about how doing this is going to make you vulnerable. That sucks.

WTF is a "postnup" after 20 years of marriage?

You sound paranoid. Are you married?

Yes. Happily. And we have a postnup, negotiated after 10 years.

You sound like someone who doesn't really know what postnups are for.

If your dh divorces you and then suddenly he stops bringing in the big bucks, maybe retires early...what would happen to your postnup?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a postnup and the fact that you think he would not consider one points to the problem here. The guy cannot tolerate a direct conversation about how doing this is going to make you vulnerable. That sucks.

WTF is a "postnup" after 20 years of marriage?

You sound paranoid. Are you married?

Yes. Happily. And we have a postnup, negotiated after 10 years.

You sound like someone who doesn't really know what postnups are for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Not sure what you need "protecting" from. If you get divorced you get half.

NP here and the risk for OP is that if she steps out of the workforce upon mutual agreement to benefit the family she may not be able to step back in after a few years at a comparable salary. Whether you think that risk is worth compensating for or not is up for debate but there is no doubt she's taking on risk if the marriage fails.

She can't protect herself against losing her place in line. You either opt out or you don't

The law begs to differ. She can get a postnupt. Obviously he has to agree.

So a postnupt is going to agree to keep her place in line when she opts out of working, LOl!?

If you quit your job, you exchange a career for that.

Dont be an idiot. A postnupt would split the financial risk between the two parties if thats what they choose to do.

Only an idiot would sign up for more than a 50/50 split in a divorce. If my wife wanted more than that, I'd not sign and she'd just need to keep working or suck it up.

I don't get the concept of a postnup after 2 decades of marriage.

"Me, DH, agree never ever to divorce DW, for any reason, even if she wants to. But if it somehow happens, she gets 80% of our joint assets."

Is this the truly idiotic idea some previous PP has in mind?

Im not sure why the concept is so elusive to you, its really not that complicated. Theyd have to work out whatever they think is fair although prob in the form of alimony on some sliding scale. Or maybe her staying home isnt that important to the family and she keeps working. Up to them to decide. I'm a lawyer so me personally in that sutuation I wouldnt assume the primary risk if loss but others may choose differently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Not sure what you need "protecting" from. If you get divorced you get half.

NP here and the risk for OP is that if she steps out of the workforce upon mutual agreement to benefit the family she may not be able to step back in after a few years at a comparable salary. Whether you think that risk is worth compensating for or not is up for debate but there is no doubt she's taking on risk if the marriage fails.

She can't protect herself against losing her place in line. You either opt out or you don't

The law begs to differ. She can get a postnupt. Obviously he has to agree.

So a postnupt is going to agree to keep her place in line when she opts out of working, LOl!?

If you quit your job, you exchange a career for that.

Dont be an idiot. A postnupt would split the financial risk between the two parties if thats what they choose to do.

Only an idiot would sign up for more than a 50/50 split in a divorce. If my wife wanted more than that, I'd not sign and she'd just need to keep working or suck it up.

I don't get the concept of a postnup after 2 decades of marriage.

"Me, DH, agree never ever to divorce DW, for any reason, even if she wants to. But if it somehow happens, she gets 80% of our joint assets."

Is this the truly idiotic idea some previous PP has in mind?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Not sure what you need "protecting" from. If you get divorced you get half.

NP here and the risk for OP is that if she steps out of the workforce upon mutual agreement to benefit the family she may not be able to step back in after a few years at a comparable salary. Whether you think that risk is worth compensating for or not is up for debate but there is no doubt she's taking on risk if the marriage fails.

She can't protect herself against losing her place in line. You either opt out or you don't

The law begs to differ. She can get a postnupt. Obviously he has to agree.

So a postnupt is going to agree to keep her place in line when she opts out of working, LOl!?

If you quit your job, you exchange a career for that.

Dont be an idiot. A postnupt would split the financial risk between the two parties if thats what they choose to do.

Only an idiot would sign up for more than a 50/50 split in a divorce. If my wife wanted more than that, I'd not sign and she'd just need to keep working or suck it up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Not sure what you need "protecting" from. If you get divorced you get half.

NP here and the risk for OP is that if she steps out of the workforce upon mutual agreement to benefit the family she may not be able to step back in after a few years at a comparable salary. Whether you think that risk is worth compensating for or not is up for debate but there is no doubt she's taking on risk if the marriage fails.

She can't protect herself against losing her place in line. You either opt out or you don't

The law begs to differ. She can get a postnupt. Obviously he has to agree.

So a postnupt is going to agree to keep her place in line when she opts out of working, LOl!?

If you quit your job, you exchange a career for that.

Dont be an idiot. A postnupt would split the financial risk between the two parties if thats what they choose to do.

With a postnup like that a former SAHM could get herself a rich boyfriend and have the ex-husband sending her a "paycheck". Talk about hitting the lottery.

No way would I, as the working spouse, sign something like that. No way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Not sure what you need "protecting" from. If you get divorced you get half.

NP here and the risk for OP is that if she steps out of the workforce upon mutual agreement to benefit the family she may not be able to step back in after a few years at a comparable salary. Whether you think that risk is worth compensating for or not is up for debate but there is no doubt she's taking on risk if the marriage fails.

She can't protect herself against losing her place in line. You either opt out or you don't

The law begs to differ. She can get a postnupt. Obviously he has to agree.

So a postnupt is going to agree to keep her place in line when she opts out of working, LOl!?

If you quit your job, you exchange a career for that.

Dont be an idiot. A postnupt would split the financial risk between the two parties if thats what they choose to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Not sure what you need "protecting" from. If you get divorced you get half.

NP here and the risk for OP is that if she steps out of the workforce upon mutual agreement to benefit the family she may not be able to step back in after a few years at a comparable salary. Whether you think that risk is worth compensating for or not is up for debate but there is no doubt she's taking on risk if the marriage fails.

She can't protect herself against losing her place in line. You either opt out or you don't

The law begs to differ. She can get a postnupt. Obviously he has to agree.

So a postnupt is going to agree to keep her place in line when she opts out of working, LOl!?

If you quit your job, you exchange a career for that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Not sure what you need "protecting" from. If you get divorced you get half.

NP here and the risk for OP is that if she steps out of the workforce upon mutual agreement to benefit the family she may not be able to step back in after a few years at a comparable salary. Whether you think that risk is worth compensating for or not is up for debate but there is no doubt she's taking on risk if the marriage fails.

She can't protect herself against losing her place in line. You either opt out or you don't

The law begs to differ. She can get a postnupt. Obviously he has to agree.

How does a postnupt work when you are already married for a few years?

PP here and what do you mean how does it work? The same way a postnupt would work immediately after marriage or similar to the way a prenupt would work before marriage. If you're interested take a look at the VA premarital agmt act and there is a provision towards the end regarding postnupts that makes them enforceable to the same extent as a prenupt.

I really admire OP for doing the best thing for her family.

I wouldn't have SAH if I thought that I had needed to contact a lawyer to write up a postnup. The decision to SAH with your child(ren) is a personal decision, not a business transaction. If you make the choice to quit your job and SAH it is going to be up to you to maintain your professional connections and skills if you want to maintain the ability to step back into the workforce. Your husband will become the primary breadwinner and hopefully he'll be able to put more time/energy into forwarding his career and earning capacity.

Your marital assets belong to you both 50/50 (including your husband's income). But by agreeing to SAH you are also accepting the risk that you will most likely become less employable every year you remain out of the workforce. If I had never stopped working 20 years ago I'll guess that I probably would have topped out at 75K. Does that mean that I could get a 75K job now? No. Does that mean that if my husband and I split up tomorrow that he owes me, as his ex wife, a 75K/year income out of his own pocket. No.

I would get half our marital assets (minus 1/2 debt), retirement savings, most likely some alimony for a limited time and possibly some job training to get me on my feet again. I'm guessing we would share child custody so no child support.

So, Op, my advice is to make sure that you are really up for this because your life will be changing in a significant way. Make sure that you and your husband work well as a team. Go easy on the credit cards and other debt because half of that belongs to you. And save for your future together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Not sure what you need "protecting" from. If you get divorced you get half.

NP here and the risk for OP is that if she steps out of the workforce upon mutual agreement to benefit the family she may not be able to step back in after a few years at a comparable salary. Whether you think that risk is worth compensating for or not is up for debate but there is no doubt she's taking on risk if the marriage fails.

She can't protect herself against losing her place in line. You either opt out or you don't

The law begs to differ. She can get a postnupt. Obviously he has to agree.

How does a postnupt work when you are already married for a few years?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to realizing DC had developed anxiety, depression and noticing learning challenges for DC2 - point being, the situation is such that working just isn't an option now or in the next few years. Used to earn 150k range, DH has earned 250-300k range and we are in VA. Outside of a post-nup (can't imagine DH agreeing to it for even suggesting it for a host reasons), but are there other things I ought to be doing to protect myself financially?

Please no lectures about how "stupid it is to stay at home and not work." This was never what I'd imagined for myself, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and you do what you have to do. Thanks in advance!

Not sure what you need "protecting" from. If you get divorced you get half.

NP here and the risk for OP is that if she steps out of the workforce upon mutual agreement to benefit the family she may not be able to step back in after a few years at a comparable salary. Whether you think that risk is worth compensating for or not is up for debate but there is no doubt she's taking on risk if the marriage fails.

She can't protect herself against losing her place in line. You either opt out or you don't

The law begs to differ. She can get a postnupt. Obviously he has to agree.