Anonymous
04/30/2019 10:44
Subject: Moving on after death of spouse
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's relatively common in the older population to move on quickly -- especially for men who wives took care of them.
Jesus, enough with this "caretaker" bullshit. He was mid-50s. Gen X. Women of that generation don't "take care of" their husbands.
Um....I'm 48 and I "take care" of my husband.
Which means what, exactly?
NP, but same age. I cook dinner, I clean the house, I initiate sex. I bring in an income. I pay the mortgage. I'm an equal partner with kids. As I said earlier ... he also takes care of me. He cooks dinner, he fixes broken things in the house, he initiates sex. He brings in an income, and pays the bills. He's an equal partner with the kids. I mean, this isn't all, but you get it, right?
Either one of us COULD do it alone. But it is great to have somebody to share that work with. I don't understand why it is so offensive to hear that a wife takes care of her husband (or that a husband takes care of his spouse). You SHOULD be doing that. It doesn't mean that you can't take care of yourself. It means that when your spouse is the one who always manages the internet, you don't have to think about it and you can be the one who manages the cars, so he doesn't have to think about it. Sharing the burden. Being friends and lovers. Being a couple. Enjoying sharing a life.
Also, a lot of times the wife is running the show socially. My mom is widowed I’m her 70s and has a million friends and activities. A lot of men are reliant on their wife to organize these things, so dating becomes more important.
Anonymous
04/30/2019 08:33
Subject: Moving on after death of spouse
OP, my husband died suddenly, and I began my first round of dates about 3 months later. I didn’t start truly dating anyone until about 6 months. The thing I can tell you is I came to peace with his death relatively quickly, because that’s all you can do. Death is final, unlike a divorce or a breakup where you have some gray area. I still struggled from time to time with the fact that he wouldn’t be present for specific activities, and I still do. I’ve learned that I am able to continue loving him, while also opening my heart to another. The new person does not replace my husband.
Please be kind to the uncle and his new companion. Remember that he didn’t have to seek out someone wholly different from his wife because they didn’t end with the anger and frustration of a separation. He likely looked for someone who shared his wife’s good qualities, and found her.
Please be kind to the uncle and his new companion. Remember that he didn’t have to seek out someone wholly different from his wife because they didn’t end with the anger and frustration of a separation. He likely looked for someone who shared his wife’s good qualities, and found her.
Anonymous
04/30/2019 08:26
Subject: Re:Moving on after death of spouse
Men remarry because they depend on women for EVERYTHING
Stuff gets done without a woman around, even stuff with kids. Just not the way you do it.
We don’t remarry to get the dishes done. We want someone to take showers with.
Anonymous
04/30/2019 08:26
Subject: Moving on after death of spouse
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's relatively common in the older population to move on quickly -- especially for men who wives took care of them.
Jesus, enough with this "caretaker" bullshit. He was mid-50s. Gen X. Women of that generation don't "take care of" their husbands.
Um....I'm 48 and I "take care" of my husband.
Which means what, exactly?
NP, but same age. I cook dinner, I clean the house, I initiate sex. I bring in an income. I pay the mortgage. I'm an equal partner with kids. As I said earlier ... he also takes care of me. He cooks dinner, he fixes broken things in the house, he initiates sex. He brings in an income, and pays the bills. He's an equal partner with the kids. I mean, this isn't all, but you get it, right?
Either one of us COULD do it alone. But it is great to have somebody to share that work with. I don't understand why it is so offensive to hear that a wife takes care of her husband (or that a husband takes care of his spouse). You SHOULD be doing that. It doesn't mean that you can't take care of yourself. It means that when your spouse is the one who always manages the internet, you don't have to think about it and you can be the one who manages the cars, so he doesn't have to think about it. Sharing the burden. Being friends and lovers. Being a couple. Enjoying sharing a life.
Anonymous
04/30/2019 08:14
Subject: Moving on after death of spouse
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's relatively common in the older population to move on quickly -- especially for men who wives took care of them.
Jesus, enough with this "caretaker" bullshit. He was mid-50s. Gen X. Women of that generation don't "take care of" their husbands.
Um....I'm 48 and I "take care" of my husband.
And your husband will remarry for sex, not to get the dishes done.
when he's 70? lol. Men remarry because they depend on women for EVERYTHING, including emotional support. Women don't as frequently because they have more personal resources and don't want to be a caregiver again.
GTFO with this nonsense. I don't know a single married man (including myself) who "depends on a woman for EVERYTHING". I cook for myself, I do my own laundry, I do my own finances. I have plenty of "personal resources".
Older women don't as frequently get remarried because they can't. The men who want to remarry shop younger, which means a lot of older women necessarily get left on the shelf.
Anonymous
04/30/2019 07:57
Subject: Moving on after death of spouse
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It's relatively common in the older population to move on quickly -- especially for men who wives took care of them.
Jesus, enough with this "caretaker" bullshit. He was mid-50s. Gen X. Women of that generation don't "take care of" their husbands.
Um....I'm 48 and I "take care" of my husband.
And your husband will remarry for sex, not to get the dishes done.
when he's 70? lol. Men remarry because they depend on women for EVERYTHING, including emotional support. Women don't as frequently because they have more personal resources and don't want to be a caregiver again.
that said, it's nobody's business what someone else does with their love life. what's wrong is if the widow/er doesn't get that other people are still grieving and can't replace the loved one the way they did. it's crass for the cousin to be going on about his dating life.