Anonymous
Post 04/23/2019 11:51     Subject: I don't have the energy or interest
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How about having him help you do chores—you’re side by side and he can talk while you listen, but you’re also getting stuff done around the house that needs to get done. Outline the weekend ahead of time (we do this on a white board every Friday night) so he knows what to expect. Something like this:

Saturday: AM laundry folding and bathrooms (mom upstarts, Charlie downstairs, dad basement); family bike ride and lunch out; quiet time (everyone in their own bedrooms for an hour); mom and Charlie cook dinner while dad mows lawn; Charlie chooses board game before bed


This. I don't know how people *don't* mostly have a weekend routine like this.


There is so much more time in the day to fill.


But there's... not. Not necessarily. Note I said "mostly."

Literally taking the above example but filling in with other typical chores and whatnot...

7:30-8:30-- breakfast, hang out, maybe read the paper
8:30-9:30-- chores
9:30-12-- family bike ride, playground, lunch, come back (this could be shorter if kid wakes up later)
12-2-- run some errands, maybe grab ice cream
2-3-- quiet time
3-5-- snack, gardening or reading or MAYBE an hour of "playing" with mom/dad
5-6-- make dinner, etc. (maybe prepare for the week if it's Sunday)
6-7:30-- dinner, then board games
7:30-- start bedtime routine, kid is in bed by ~8:30 or 9.

Something along these lines is usually how one of my weekend days goes-- and I also have an extrovert. The other day usually ends up organically including 1-2 activities like a birthday party, some event like a free concert or a trip to the zoo, maybe a playdate or a visit with my grandmother (3-4 hours right there, including travel time).

And my kid doesn't even have structured activities! And we don't even go to church/etc.!

I kind of get it-- I have ADHD and I need to get out of the house most days. I totally look for interesting ways to fill my time. But speaking from personal experience, I often see a day stretching endlessly and intimidatingly ahead of me and by 7:30 pm am wondering where the heck the time went.


In the one who first wrote about the schedule, and yes it was very basic and didn’t cover the whole day, but I didn’t have time this morning to write out more. It also helps your son see that you ARE spending time with him, even if he thinks it’s not enough.
Anonymous
Post 04/23/2019 10:42     Subject: I don't have the energy or interest
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How about having him help you do chores—you’re side by side and he can talk while you listen, but you’re also getting stuff done around the house that needs to get done. Outline the weekend ahead of time (we do this on a white board every Friday night) so he knows what to expect. Something like this:

Saturday: AM laundry folding and bathrooms (mom upstarts, Charlie downstairs, dad basement); family bike ride and lunch out; quiet time (everyone in their own bedrooms for an hour); mom and Charlie cook dinner while dad mows lawn; Charlie chooses board game before bed


This. I don't know how people *don't* mostly have a weekend routine like this.


There is so much more time in the day to fill.


But there's... not. Not necessarily. Note I said "mostly."

Literally taking the above example but filling in with other typical chores and whatnot...

7:30-8:30-- breakfast, hang out, maybe read the paper
8:30-9:30-- chores
9:30-12-- family bike ride, playground, lunch, come back (this could be shorter if kid wakes up later)
12-2-- run some errands, maybe grab ice cream
2-3-- quiet time
3-5-- snack, gardening or reading or MAYBE an hour of "playing" with mom/dad
5-6-- make dinner, etc. (maybe prepare for the week if it's Sunday)
6-7:30-- dinner, then board games
7:30-- start bedtime routine, kid is in bed by ~8:30 or 9.

Something along these lines is usually how one of my weekend days goes-- and I also have an extrovert. The other day usually ends up organically including 1-2 activities like a birthday party, some event like a free concert or a trip to the zoo, maybe a playdate or a visit with my grandmother (3-4 hours right there, including travel time).

And my kid doesn't even have structured activities! And we don't even go to church/etc.!

I kind of get it-- I have ADHD and I need to get out of the house most days. I totally look for interesting ways to fill my time. But speaking from personal experience, I often see a day stretching endlessly and intimidatingly ahead of me and by 7:30 pm am wondering where the heck the time went.
Anonymous
Post 04/23/2019 08:13     Subject: I don't have the energy or interest

At 9, this is beyond the range of normal.

It sounds like he has social anxiety. Does he have close friends? Is he clingy with them?

Perhaps you should consult with a psychologist (not psychiatrist or therapist).

Anonymous
Post 04/23/2019 08:12     Subject: Re:I don't have the energy or interest
My DS is an only child, and he's very high maintenance in that he needs us all of the time. He seeks our approval, he must sit with us at all times except if he's watching TV. If he draws something, I need to see it, if he creates a game, I must see its development then play it with him, etc. I know to be a good parent I should engage, and I do my very best, but I've also been SO tired and mentally stretched thin that most of the time I placate for a little and then either play video games with him or watch TV because it's a way to engage with him while still not exerting energy. I neither have the patience nor the energy to do that's right and it's making me feel all kinds of guilty. The days are long but the years are short as they say, and he's only this young for now. How do you do it? How do you force yourself to play Hot Wheel war for hours?


I have a 9 year old, and he definitely doesn't want to play hot wheel war for hours with me. He's relatively immature for his age, so I don't think that's the issue. On weekends, he is involved in a sport that has one practice and one game, and we will usually invite a friend from the sport over for a play date afterwards. The kids can play half an hour of video games at the play date, at which point they have to find something non-electronic to do (Pokemon cards, legos, kiva planks, nerf guns etc.). He can walk to a park that is one block away from our house and across a small street to find other kids to play with.

We do play board and card games together, and we both enjoy those.
Anonymous
Post 04/23/2019 08:11     Subject: I don't have the energy or interest
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How about having him help you do chores—you’re side by side and he can talk while you listen, but you’re also getting stuff done around the house that needs to get done. Outline the weekend ahead of time (we do this on a white board every Friday night) so he knows what to expect. Something like this:

Saturday: AM laundry folding and bathrooms (mom upstarts, Charlie downstairs, dad basement); family bike ride and lunch out; quiet time (everyone in their own bedrooms for an hour); mom and Charlie cook dinner while dad mows lawn; Charlie chooses board game before bed


This. I don't know how people *don't* mostly have a weekend routine like this.


There is so much more time in the day to fill.
Anonymous
Post 04/23/2019 07:43     Subject: I don't have the energy or interest
My DD (an only) and I use to read together. I would then read my book and she would read hers. Also when I thought I was gonna crack I would listen to music with headphones to get 'quiet'.
Anonymous
Post 04/23/2019 07:33     Subject: I don't have the energy or interest
I have a 9yo only, and I am not playing Hot Wheels War for five minutes, never mind an hour.

But I will set up things that we like to do together. Baking. Watching a funny movie or a nature show. We also spend a great deal of our weekend time out of the house. We go for walks, we go downtown and see museums, we go explore a new restaurant/ different part of town.

We also have cultivated friends with similar aged kids so we can go hang out and let the kids play together.
Anonymous
Post 04/23/2019 06:29     Subject: I don't have the energy or interest
Anonymous wrote:How about having him help you do chores—you’re side by side and he can talk while you listen, but you’re also getting stuff done around the house that needs to get done. Outline the weekend ahead of time (we do this on a white board every Friday night) so he knows what to expect. Something like this:

Saturday: AM laundry folding and bathrooms (mom upstarts, Charlie downstairs, dad basement); family bike ride and lunch out; quiet time (everyone in their own bedrooms for an hour); mom and Charlie cook dinner while dad mows lawn; Charlie chooses board game before bed


This. I don't know how people *don't* mostly have a weekend routine like this.
Anonymous
Post 04/23/2019 06:20     Subject: I don't have the energy or interest
How about having him help you do chores—you’re side by side and he can talk while you listen, but you’re also getting stuff done around the house that needs to get done. Outline the weekend ahead of time (we do this on a white board every Friday night) so he knows what to expect. Something like this:

Saturday: AM laundry folding and bathrooms (mom upstarts, Charlie downstairs, dad basement); family bike ride and lunch out; quiet time (everyone in their own bedrooms for an hour); mom and Charlie cook dinner while dad mows lawn; Charlie chooses board game before bed