He doesn’t really love you if he doesn’t want what’s best for you, and by continuing to pull you in when he knows you want more, he’s thinking primarily of himself, not you. He’s out for himself, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you tell him you love him? Does he know? Do you think he loves you?

We are dating and we love each other, openly. Last night when I said I wanted to confirm that this is as far as it will go between us, he said “you never know, it keeps evolving [between us],” which I took to mean as ‘I don’t want to give you what you want but I don’t want you out of my life.’ I just don’t want to waste any more of my time, and I know ending it will only be harder as time goes on.

Oh, these kinds of guys are the worst! It's the old "I don't want to take responsibility for my feelings so I'm going to make you take responsibility for my feelings and hope that I'll change. You never know, I could! But I am enjoying myself so much more not committing to you and and meanwhile don't I look just adorable with that hang-dog look in my eyes?"

OP, be strong and cut him loose so you're available for someone better. But also you might want to do some therapy to understand what is in it for you that you are attracted to guys like that. I'm speaking from my own experience. I had to look closely at my need to chase unavailable people before I could get into a good long-term relationship. Good luck and be strong!

NP
I’ve been there too. They treat you like a girlfriend but won’t actually admit you are their girlfriend. So that when something better comes along, he can walk away from you. And when you are hurt and want answers he can say “I don’t know why you are so upset!! I told you that you aren’t my girlfriend. It’s your fault you have feelings for me.”

Ask me how I know this...

Op, you don’t love him. You love the idea of what could be. You don’t love the guy who doesn’t think you are good enough for him to make his girlfriend.
Block, block, block. And start “duty dating” as many guys as you can to distract yourself. You deserve better!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you tell him you love him? Does he know? Do you think he loves you?

We are dating and we love each other, openly. Last night when I said I wanted to confirm that this is as far as it will go between us, he said “you never know, it keeps evolving [between us],” which I took to mean as ‘I don’t want to give you what you want but I don’t want you out of my life.’ I just don’t want to waste any more of my time, and I know ending it will only be harder as time goes on.

Time to stop " I took this to mean..." and " I wanted to confirm that this is as far as it will go" and all this mushy nonsensical vague language.

You're adults. Talk like one.

"You've told me you love me. I need to be more specific than I was the other week when I was talking about how gear this would go.
"I love you and I am looking for marriage and kids. I see that with you. If you don't see that, with me, I need to know that. 'Evolving' doesn't tell me what you want and picture for us as a couple." He will either embrace this or end it. But you won't be left wondering.

+1 Agree that spilling your emotions and feelings oughta do the trick.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you tell him you love him? Does he know? Do you think he loves you?

We are dating and we love each other, openly. Last night when I said I wanted to confirm that this is as far as it will go between us, he said “you never know, it keeps evolving [between us],” which I took to mean as ‘I don’t want to give you what you want but I don’t want you out of my life.’ I just don’t want to waste any more of my time, and I know ending it will only be harder as time goes on.

Time to stop " I took this to mean..." and " I wanted to confirm that this is as far as it will go" and all this mushy nonsensical vague language.

You're adults. Talk like one.

"You've told me you love me. I need to be more specific than I was the other week when I was talking about how gear this would go.
"I love you and I am looking for marriage and kids. I see that with you. If you don't see that, with me, I need to know that. 'Evolving' doesn't tell me what you want and picture for us as a couple." He will either embrace this or end it. But you won't be left wondering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you tell him you love him? Does he know? Do you think he loves you?

We are dating and we love each other, openly. Last night when I said I wanted to confirm that this is as far as it will go between us, he said “you never know, it keeps evolving [between us],” which I took to mean as ‘I don’t want to give you what you want but I don’t want you out of my life.’ I just don’t want to waste any more of my time, and I know ending it will only be harder as time goes on.

Oh, these kinds of guys are the worst! It's the old "I don't want to take responsibility for my feelings so I'm going to make you take responsibility for my feelings and hope that I'll change. You never know, I could! But I am enjoying myself so much more not committing to you and and meanwhile don't I look just adorable with that hang-dog look in my eyes?"

OP, be strong and cut him loose so you're available for someone better. But also you might want to do some therapy to understand what is in it for you that you are attracted to guys like that. I'm speaking from my own experience. I had to look closely at my need to chase unavailable people before I could get into a good long-term relationship. Good luck and be strong!

Anonymous wrote:If you want to have kids, and after a year he's not sure you're his "girlfriend" yet, you need to move on.

If you don't want kids, what's the rush?

Yaaasss!

OP, you do not want kids ever and you do not want to be someone's wife and you do not want a long term monogamous relationship and you do not want to stay together and you do not want a family and you do not want a HEA with this guy then I see no reason why you cannot be his fu$kbuddy till he finds someone better to get married to.

I mean in another few years you will be 40 years old and so a vast chunk of your reproductive years and sexual years may be over. Hold on to him for as long as he is willing to use you. I mean you are also benefiting and getting sex, right? You will never get anything better than this probably, correct?


OK - all of the above was sarcasm, incase you did not figure it out. You have to respect yourself and strive for what every human being is wired to seek - a loving relationship and a family. Please leave this man ASAP and search out the man who respects you and wants a family with you. Leave this selfish man-child behind.

OP, what he is basically telling you is that he'll keep you around until something better comes along.

There's really not much to discuss there and you shouldn't try to change his mind. Understand that he is not the man for you if he doesn't see value in committing and making you happy. When a man is truly in love he can't wait to put a label and call you his love, his girlfriend, his wife.

Stop any contact with him, delete and block. Going cold turkey is the only way to move on. This way you're opening space for a man who will care about you as much as you care about him.

If you want to have kids, and after a year he's not sure you're his "girlfriend" yet, you need to move on.

If you don't want kids, what's the rush?

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if a year is realistic. I do know guys who were super ready to commit after a year or less, but those guys were also often the ones who jump into everything feet-first and then some of them ended up divorced a few years later.

Is he like this in other areas of his life? Does he stay at jobs for awhile? Does he take awhile to make big decisions, like buying a car or a house? What's his dating history? Has he ever committed to anyone before? This may be how he is - a slow-starter.

Alternately, he may like you but not like you ENOUGH. Ask him if he can see himself marrying you someday. If he hems and haws, dump him.

Dude won't even say they're boyfriend/girlfriend!

Break up with him OP. Maybe he realizes the error of his ways and decides to do a 180 and really commit after you separate. But you can't count on that. Break up with him, rip off the bandaid and get back on the apps.

Alternatively, you could discuss your feelings for him and spill your emotions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Are there kids involved?

Early thirties. No kids.

OMG...run, run, run away from him. You do not have time to waste.

THIS do it tonight and cut off all contact. Block numbers and social media

Op - you deserve to be more than someone’s plan B

I don't know if a year is realistic. I do know guys who were super ready to commit after a year or less, but those guys were also often the ones who jump into everything feet-first and then some of them ended up divorced a few years later.

Is he like this in other areas of his life? Does he stay at jobs for awhile? Does he take awhile to make big decisions, like buying a car or a house? What's his dating history? Has he ever committed to anyone before? This may be how he is - a slow-starter.

Alternately, he may like you but not like you ENOUGH. Ask him if he can see himself marrying you someday. If he hems and haws, dump him.

Anonymous wrote:You need to be open and direct. "Mike, I love you and love spending time with you, but I'm not going to be happy in my life without a commitment to a long term relationship. If that's not where you are right now, that's fine, but I think that means that you and I are not right for each other."

And rip off the bandaid.

This or just ghost him....it will eat at him forever!!!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you tell him you love him? Does he know? Do you think he loves you?

We are dating and we love each other, openly. Last night when I said I wanted to confirm that this is as far as it will go between us, he said “you never know, it keeps evolving [between us],” which I took to mean as ‘I don’t want to give you what you want but I don’t want you out of my life.’ I just don’t want to waste any more of my time, and I know ending it will only be harder as time goes on.

Instead of constantly wishing for something "more", why can't you just enjoy what you have?

I have been enjoying what we have, but we’re coming up on a year of this formless whatever and I want more security.

It's not even been one year. ONE.

Did you expect after first meeting to be celebrating your 15th year wedding anniversary, 3rd kid. 2nd vacation home with 2 Ferrari's and an infinity pool at your Georgtown estate after ONE year?

Do him a favor and leave him. Your expectations are obviously out of whack with reality. Those "Real Housewives" shows and the Kardashians aren't real life. Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to tell him what you want and if he can’t meet your needs you need to move on. Time is not on your side.

This, just tell him that you need more or it's over. You'll have your answer.

Yes. This. He like f'ing you, but doesn't want to marry you. I'm sorry. I've been there.