Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do miss an exBF from 20 years ago but only because of sex. He could have written a book he was so good but I doubt he could write a sentence. My DH is very capable in bed and a wonderful husband and father but my ex was amazing.

Typical Western woman I see. Married to a wonderful, caring provider but yet still gets the tingles for ol’ Chad who alpha-widowed her 20 years ago.

Do your husband a favor and just leave him. You obviously have your mind elsewhere.

Yes, clearly she needs to get divorced asap because once upon a time she had better sex with someone other than her beloved husband and she occasionally thinks about it.

I don't her lying, cheating and worst, stealing from me to hit a weight loss clinic to make herself more attractive to a coworker. No, not at all.

Anonymous wrote:I used to miss and dream about my ex, and he would call or email. He said the same / I’d call out the blue and he’s dreamt of me the night before. I love him and always will. I’ve accepted that even though we are both single, we may never be together again, and if that’s the case I’m happy just being able to have his true friendship there was a time when that I didn’t have that and my heart would literally hurt. This went on for years.. I used to struggle with the affection vs love, but I finally feel normal and gratitude for who we are now. True friends.

But if he asked me, I would say yes.

The best thing to do if you have a rare love like this is brace it in it’s form, give it thanks, keep it healthy, and don’t let it blind you to the good traits in others because you will never replicate something so organically powerful and pure. Best not to compare, force titles, force expectations trying to recreate a zing. Just be thankful you actually experienced s zing and then be bored in a relationship with s good person like most other normals.

This is true and has caused problems for me in a subsequent relationship where the love was not the same kind of intense love. While he has some good traits, it was never and will never be the same.

Anonymous wrote:Every. Single. Day.

My college sweetheart, best friend/boyfriend. I just realized right now that it was 20 yrs ago that we started dating in college.

We both are married, two kids...but not a birthday goes by that I don't hear from him. He was also one of the first to reach out after my mother died and "congratulated" me the morning of my wedding via FB messenger. I love my husband and my boys, but DAMN do I think about this guy everyday.

This is sweet and very similar to how I feel about my first real love. We both have our own lives and are happy but there is a fondness there that will never go away. It's not an "I want to be with you and talk to you all the time" love, it's a "you are a great person who meant a lot to me and helped shape me into who I am and I will never not want good and happy things for you because of that" love. It's a gift. It's an anchor to the past: these things I remember aren't made up or in my own head or one sided. The other person who was there remembers and keeps them too. There have been times over the years I have shared vaguely a memory or story that means something to me and he will acknowledge it. Not in a creepy or prowling way but in a "I know what you're talking about because I remember it too" way.

I think I'm rambling. I don't miss him. I just feel like there is one tiny sliver of my heart that holds him and I am confident he feels the same. We are not significant to one another any longer, we never speak or engage, but that bond is always there. I will always love him for the person he was at that time in my life and all the memories I have that feature him. Like a PP said, I would absolutely never ruin this by trying to reignite something or reach out and cross that threshold of the past. That's where he stays because for me that's where he is his best and most perfect version of himself.

No. There’s a reason they’re an ex. I am mature enough to understand the reasons.

Anonymous wrote:I used to miss and dream about my ex, and he would call or email. He said the same / I’d call out the blue and he’s dreamt of me the night before. I love him and always will. I’ve accepted that even though we are both single, we may never be together again, and if that’s the case I’m happy just being able to have his true friendship there was a time when that I didn’t have that and my heart would literally hurt. This went on for years.. I used to struggle with the affection vs love, but I finally feel normal and gratitude for who we are now. True friends.

But if he asked me, I would say yes.

The best thing to do if you have a rare love like this is brace it in it’s form, give it thanks, keep it healthy, and don’t let it blind you to the good traits in others because you will never replicate something so organically powerful and pure. Best not to compare, force titles, force expectations trying to recreate a zing. Just be thankful you actually experienced s zing and then be bored in a relationship with s good person like most other normals.

Good advice

Anonymous wrote:I do miss an exBF from 20 years ago but only because of sex. He could have written a book he was so good but I doubt he could write a sentence. My DH is very capable in bed and a wonderful husband and father but my ex was amazing.

Typical Western woman I see. Married to a wonderful, caring provider but yet still gets the tingles for ol’ Chad who alpha-widowed her 20 years ago.

Do your husband a favor and just leave him. You obviously have your mind elsewhere.

Yes, I sure do. Ran into him at the grocery store today and now can't stop thinking about why we ever broke up. We should not have.

Every. Single. Day.

My college sweetheart, best friend/boyfriend. I just realized right now that it was 20 yrs ago that we started dating in college.

We both are married, two kids...but not a birthday goes by that I don't hear from him. He was also one of the first to reach out after my mother died and "congratulated" me the morning of my wedding via FB messenger. I love my husband and my boys, but DAMN do I think about this guy everyday.

Anonymous wrote:I used to miss and dream about my ex, and he would call or email. He said the same / I’d call out the blue and he’s dreamt of me the night before. I love him and always will. I’ve accepted that even though we are both single, we may never be together again, and if that’s the case I’m happy just being able to have his true friendship there was a time when that I didn’t have that and my heart would literally hurt. This went on for years.. I used to struggle with the affection vs love, but I finally feel normal and gratitude for who we are now. True friends.

But if he asked me, I would say yes.

The best thing to do if you have a rare love like this is brace it in it’s form, give it thanks, keep it healthy, and don’t let it blind you to the good traits in others because you will never replicate something so organically powerful and pure. Best not to compare, force titles, force expectations trying to recreate a zing. Just be thankful you actually experienced s zing and then be bored in a relationship with s good person like most other normals.

What a amazing post. You rock, PP.

I don’t miss my exes but I do love a few of them. How many times in life do you experience true love - what boils it down to the love of ones life? I believe we have the capacity to love many on different levels. If you miss your ex make contact - the love may be mutual.

I miss this one move she used to do with her hands and mouth and tongue and the roof of her mouth and...I don't even know what all she was doing but, it was pure heaven especially when performed at just the right time, and she knew exactly when that was. Aside from that a a few other moves, I don't miss anything about her one bit.

I do miss an exBF from 20 years ago but only because of sex. He could have written a book he was so good but I doubt he could write a sentence. My DH is very capable in bed and a wonderful husband and father but my ex was amazing.

Anonymous wrote:I used to miss and dream about my ex, and he would call or email. He said the same / I’d call out the blue and he’s dreamt of me the night before. I love him and always will. I’ve accepted that even though we are both single, we may never be together again, and if that’s the case I’m happy just being able to have his true friendship there was a time when that I didn’t have that and my heart would literally hurt. This went on for years.. I used to struggle with the affection vs love, but I finally feel normal and gratitude for who we are now. True friends.

But if he asked me, I would say yes.

The best thing to do if you have a rare love like this is brace it in it’s form, give it thanks, keep it healthy, and don’t let it blind you to the good traits in others because you will never replicate something so organically powerful and pure. Best not to compare, force titles, force expectations trying to recreate a zing. Just be thankful you actually experienced s zing and then be bored in a relationship with s good person like most other normals.

So well put -- this is me too! I love to love him from a distance -- I don't want anything messing up near perfection. And we're friends too and talk frequently. The spark will always be there...

Hell no. Not one.