Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is pretty but I only tell her that when she wears something nice, dressy or when she beaming smiling or asks. When she does ask, I tell her she looks good without makeup versus when she puts it on. I wonder does it go to their heads? Should I not do it often? DD has little esteem so she’s always asking me if I think she’s pretty. I go into the whole song and dance it’s what’s inside that counts. Yata, yatta.

If she's always asking and has low self-esteem, then even telling her all the time that she's pretty will not help. It seems like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am feeling pretty depressed by the focus on looks.

I do acknowledge, jokingly, when my kids have put some effort into their appearance: "Wow, you clean up nice!" "Oooh, very sharp!" but I would never tell them that, in effect, their innate physical appearance conforms to conventionally accepted standards.

Excuse me while I vomit. Your poor kids.

Anonymous wrote:My DD is pretty but I only tell her that when she wears something nice, dressy or when she beaming smiling or asks. When she does ask, I tell her she looks good without makeup versus when she puts it on. I wonder does it go to their heads? Should I not do it often? DD has little esteem so she’s always asking me if I think she’s pretty. I go into the whole song and dance it’s what’s inside that counts. Yata, yatta.

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t tell her that she’s pretty, she won’t then believe herself to be kind. She will just think that you don’t think she’s pretty. I do not understand how people think that omitting one thing makes another thing apparent. Compliment people. Not only your children, but people in general, and let others see and learn the value of making other people get a compliment on their looks or dress or shoes or attitude. Whatever it is, it’s worth saying out loud.

Anonymous wrote:I think my daughters are the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my life and I can't help but tell them that. It just falls out of my mouth.

Anonymous wrote:I am feeling pretty depressed by the focus on looks.

I do acknowledge, jokingly, when my kids have put some effort into their appearance: "Wow, you clean up nice!" "Oooh, very sharp!" but I would never tell them that, in effect, their innate physical appearance conforms to conventionally accepted standards.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound awful and I am sure I will be flamed.

Now that I am older I realize how pretty I was when I was young. I am still ok now that I am older but just ok. I remember when I was young and pretty and being so excited about whatever - a new outfit, hairstyle, makeup - and I would ask my mother how I looked before I left for school each morning. Her standard response was "You look fine." Just fine. Not pretty, not beautiful, etc.

I kind of wish she once told me I looked pretty.

I don't think it's awful. I think mothers SHOULD tell their kids they are beautiful. Because they are.

Anonymous wrote:My DD is pretty but I only tell her that when she wears something nice, dressy or when she beaming smiling or asks. When she does ask, I tell her she looks good without makeup versus when she puts it on. I wonder does it go to their heads? Should I not do it often? DD has little esteem so she’s always asking me if I think she’s pretty. I go into the whole song and dance it’s what’s inside that counts. Yata, yatta.

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound awful and I am sure I will be flamed.

Now that I am older I realize how pretty I was when I was young. I am still ok now that I am older but just ok. I remember when I was young and pretty and being so excited about whatever - a new outfit, hairstyle, makeup - and I would ask my mother how I looked before I left for school each morning. Her standard response was "You look fine." Just fine. Not pretty, not beautiful, etc.

I kind of wish she once told me I looked pretty.