This is a really uplifting thread. Thank you!

I’ve got a singleton not by choice, after years of struggle and losses, but reading this makes me feel that much more peaceful about where we ended up.

Anonymous wrote:
Make that fifteen - one had a father who I'd class as less craptastic than unsupportive, one more with infertility issues, and another pretty sure by choice. (Is it normal that people tell me these things in such detail?)

Sixteen! A kid had Down's and they decided the risk was too great to have another, and they came from close knit families where the kid had a lot of cousins who they felt could be relied upon to look after her if the parents predeceased the daughter. (I swear that I do not pump these people for information.)

Anonymous wrote:

Of the twelve singletons I know best, one seems to be by parental choice, two had craptastic fathers, seven were age and/or infertility related, one had terrible sleep problems and not-so-young parents, and the last ... gosh, no idea, which, given the father is such an oversharer, makes it pretty much bound to be some sort of traumatic infertility issue.

Make that fifteen - one had a father who I'd class as less craptastic than unsupportive, one more with infertility issues, and another pretty sure by choice. (Is it normal that people tell me these things in such detail?)

Yes - many people!

- Actually, a woman I work with with a grown kid just told me all about her life decisions today and it was so interesting and cool to chat with her. She seemed to sensible and thoughtful and happy and is expecting her first grandchild.
- One of my best friends - 9 yo
- My parents - I think my dad wanted another but not majorly. He is happy with just me...or he appears to be!
- My cousins - when I was in my teens I remember trying to convince them to have another. They were kind to me in explaining why not and were clearly unified about being one-and-done - that kid is a teen now
- Another colleague has a preteen and I distinctly remember asking her how many children she had when we met and she said loudly "ONE IS ALL YOU NEED!" and it made me laugh and feel so much solidarity
- Three of my old college roommates have one each and thought they're all toddlers both have said they are seriously considering one
- Me and my DH - 10 yo

I don't hear many people say they feel pressured to have more than one. I got a lot of questions, and some nosy people said obnoxious things to me, but I didn't feel pressure.

Anonymous wrote:
I know, me too. There are pros and cons to any number but the pros for one seem so big!! Why wouldn’t more people do it? (Mother of three)

At least for us, the stress, work, and worry involved in having one was a *lot* more than having two. Which is probably why we we went on to have four.

Of the twelve singletons I know best, one seems to be by parental choice, two had craptastic fathers, seven were age and/or infertility related, one had terrible sleep problems and not-so-young parents, and the last ... gosh, no idea, which, given the father is such an oversharer, makes it pretty much bound to be some sort of traumatic infertility issue.

We're one and done due to years of unexplained secondary infertility but now that I've had many years to accept the situation, I do think there are a lot of benefits to only having one.

Yes, a few of my friends wanted one and only, even told us while pregant with the first that this would be it.

Yep. Have 1. Love her. Didn’t want another. I have a sibling. My daughter and I have an amazing relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, a woman in my pace group was proudly one and done. Husband and wife were both only children themselves, so I guess that played into it? Child is 4 now.

I’m a PP. DH and I both have siblings.

Are you trying to diagnose why we would want to have 1 kid?

Lol whoa calm down. She is saying that is the reason her friend had an only. Not that everyone who has an only does for that reason. Families come in all shapes and seizes; you having one is fine, me having three is fine; someone else having two is fine.

Anonymous wrote:I only know people with one who want more but are dealing with infertility.

Hi!

We’re happily one and done.

Now you know someone from our odd species.

I only know people with one who want more but are dealing with infertility.

Yes, a few but it’s not that common. But they all seem super happy with their choice, honestly.

We're one and done due to secondary infertility and I know a number of people that had one by choice. Truthfully, I'm jealous of their certainty.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone with an only on purpose. Zero on purpose, yes. But not one. Wow, that is surprising.

I know, me too. There are pros and cons to any number but the pros for one seem so big!! Why wouldn’t more people do it? (Mother of three)

Yes, I know of at least one.