Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 14:39     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
There is one pp on this bread who is mental, trying to make op out to be the bad guy. If my DH flipped out because I asked him why he bought cows milk when we hadn’t been drinking cows milk in 10+ years, I would think he was off his rocker.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 14:26     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all. He does have this utter need to be right, but never taken it this far. So this is sort of a one-off. Sorry I didn't come back, I had calls/work I was doing! I think I've decided that I'm going to just let this BS go and he'll figure it out in about 3 weeks when all the "soy milk" is going bad... Because every "solution" I keep thinking of makes me look a crazy person arguing about milk. When he blew up at me, all I said was, "I am seriously not going to argue with you over milk." That was it. I walked away. Something else has to be going on. I mean, who the hell argues that a hamburger is broccoli, just because they accidentally picked up hamburger? It's too bizarre.



Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 14:22     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
OP here. Thanks all. He does have this utter need to be right, but never taken it this far. So this is sort of a one-off. Sorry I didn't come back, I had calls/work I was doing! I think I've decided that I'm going to just let this BS go and he'll figure it out in about 3 weeks when all the "soy milk" is going bad... Because every "solution" I keep thinking of makes me look a crazy person arguing about milk. When he blew up at me, all I said was, "I am seriously not going to argue with you over milk." That was it. I walked away. Something else has to be going on. I mean, who the hell argues that a hamburger is broccoli, just because they accidentally picked up hamburger? It's too bizarre.

Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 14:06     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
Anonymous wrote:I'm not explaining this right.

It's not about him making a dumb mistake. We all do. It's this digging in his heals and then getting mad at me for not going along with his "explanation" that it's really what he said it was. That's the issue. He's mad at ME for not drinking the [kool-aid] milk, when as I said, I don't care if I even have the damn milk. It "became an issue" when he saw me put my cereal away, and then got mad at me. Yelled at me for not eating what he claims to be soy milk.

Seriously, you all would be OK with that? Getting yelled at over breakfast when you just tried to have a damn bowl of cereal?


I understand, OP. My DH is the same way. He gets mad and yells about things that are very minor, are not my fault at all, or are actually his fault.

I recently realized that it’s a two way street and I don’t have to do my part if it. Typically, he would get mad, then I would get hurt, then I would spend an hour explaining why he shouldn’t have been mad about that, then he would apologize, and I would get over it.

Now, I just drop the rope. He gets mad about something stupid, and I just go on with my day. It isn’t about me.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 13:52     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He probably feels dumb for buying the wrong milk and didn't like it being pointed out.


Sounds to me like he was being overly defensive.


Sounds like her tone was annoying and naggy. He was sick of it. Let me guess this isn’t the first time op was a know-it-all.


So blowing up at her is the correct response to a nagging wife? Makes sense.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 13:52     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
Anonymous wrote:I'm not explaining this right.

It's not about him making a dumb mistake. We all do. It's this digging in his heals and then getting mad at me for not going along with his "explanation" that it's really what he said it was. That's the issue. He's mad at ME for not drinking the [kool-aid] milk, when as I said, I don't care if I even have the damn milk. It "became an issue" when he saw me put my cereal away, and then got mad at me. Yelled at me for not eating what he claims to be soy milk.

Seriously, you all would be OK with that? Getting yelled at over breakfast when you just tried to have a damn bowl of cereal?


OP, several people have asked: is this an example of the kind of thing he does all the time, or was this out of character?

If he does this all the time, he's gaslighting and abusive, you should get the F out of this marriage.

If this was a weird one-off thing, drop it or ask him about it later when he's in a better mood.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 13:50     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
Honestly OP this is what the end of my marriage was like. I didn't realize it at the time, but it didn't matter what I did, it was ALWAYS going to be wrong because my ex was just done with me. He was looking for things to criticize ("see, I can't even buy milk without you freaking out!")

If this is a one off thing, then you're probably fine - either your DH has something else going on that this just set him off, OR you did come off bitchy and he snapped back. I do still feel that no matter what, he overreacted, but people do make mistakes. I hope this is just an isolated incident though.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 13:47     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He probably feels dumb for buying the wrong milk and didn't like it being pointed out.


Sounds to me like he was being overly defensive.


I know, right? I LOVE and totally appreciat when my spouse mKes a big deal about a mistake I made. I guess you’re bigger than me,if having your mistakes repeatedly pointed out makes your defensive at all.

Can I get on yiur self help blog list?

I’m a woman, but what makes me cringe ishat if the tables were turned, it would be DH that was being abused.


I'm sorry, but if you would truly get upset that your spouse pointed out that you bought the wrong item - you need serious help. And sure, let's say your spouse was rude/nagging/annoying about it... then you should say, "yeah I bought the wrong thing, but you don't need to be condescending about it." You don't argue that you did buy the right thing when you blatantly did not. That's insane.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 13:31     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
I'm sorry OP but this is a funny story. I personally would roll with it and make it a running joke. "Can you hand me the salt? oh I'm sorry I meant the milk" "Dear, can you turn off the faucet? don't want to waste milk." Hand him a beer and say, here's your milk!

Obviously not great that he yelled at you, but assuming this is basically a one-off, I don't know that it really needs to be all that deep. And it IS funny. And your post is funny. Thanks for the chuckle.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 13:25     Subject: Re:DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
Anonymous wrote:If this is out of place for your husband, let it go. Give him a BJ and move on. He may be stressed about something he isn't mentioning. If this is normal, you have a bigger problem. The person who brought up gaslighting is correct that this is an instance of it. It's really insidious, make sure he is not regularly doing this.

So let me get this straight. He buys the wrong thing. Insists it's the right thing twice and yells at you. And you reward him with a BJ? You are such a doormat.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 13:24     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
He's irritated easily because of something else. Either directly related to you, so that every little thing you do gets escalated to a grand annoyance in his head, or simply you're the one he's taking his frustrations out on because you're the one he's closest to.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 13:21     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
Either something else going on with him or this is his normal kind of reaction. OP, you know best. Talk to hm.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 12:34     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He probably feels dumb for buying the wrong milk and didn't like it being pointed out.


Sounds to me like he was being overly defensive.


I know, right? I LOVE and totally appreciat when my spouse mKes a big deal about a mistake I made. I guess you’re bigger than me,if having your mistakes repeatedly pointed out makes your defensive at all.

Can I get on yiur self help blog list?

I’m a woman, but what makes me cringe ishat if the tables were turned, it would be DH that was being abused.


If he expects someone to EAT IT, someone has the right to question WHAT THEY'RE EATING and not be abusive. WTAF.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 12:28     Subject: DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He probably feels dumb for buying the wrong milk and didn't like it being pointed out.


Sounds to me like he was being overly defensive.


I know, right? I LOVE and totally appreciat when my spouse mKes a big deal about a mistake I made. I guess you’re bigger than me,if having your mistakes repeatedly pointed out makes your defensive at all.

Can I get on yiur self help blog list?

I’m a woman, but what makes me cringe ishat if the tables were turned, it would be DH that was being abused.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2019 12:28     Subject: Re:DUMBEST argument, but bigger issues
men are babies