My husband is like this OP! He is kind of on the spectrum and genuinely quiet. He does however realize that it really bothers me and has been making an attempt to fix this.

For me this problem became worse when we had a toddler who was also regularly ignoring me, because it felt like everyone was not taking me seriously. For my husband we had really concrete actions, 'if you hear me ask a question, answer, even if you don't think you have a meaningful response, even if you don't know if I'm purposefully asking you or just musing, respond with some verbal acknowledgement of having heard me."

With my DH it is also not mean spirited or angry, it is just how he is. He makes a determination of whether or not whatever I said NEEDS a response and will generally err on the side of no. So we set a new boundary that the answer is ALWAYS yes. Not perfect but way better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FLIPSIDE

DH: I'm thinking maybe the Brewers should go after Craig Kimbrel he's a pretty good closer.
OP: silence
DH: What do you think?
OP: silence
DH: Honey - did you hear me? Should Milwaukee go after Craig Kimbrel since Corey Knebel is gonna need season-ending Tommy John surgery?
OP: silence
DH: (grouchy now) Honey? Are you listening? What do you think?
OP: OK
DH: What does that mean? Yes or no? Should they go after Craig Kimbrel? Or do you think they'll be okay with just Josh Hader?

I love this

OP, you probably just talk too much all the time and he’s exhausted.

That's so completely sexist. OP is trying to make PRACTICAL ARRANGEMENTS for childcare, and her DH is ignoring her. That's not "talking too much," but nice job with the sexist tropes.

DP - what's sexist is to believe OP's side of the relationship dynamic. what if she is like this on everything - from the absolute mundane to important issues. After a while, the partner just tunes out as there is only so much band with anyone has to listen to a constant series of questions. what if she poses these questions regularly, and rarely, if ever, agrees with or accepts any of his choices/answers.

you presume too much based on very little information.

What if she's like what on every issue? Actually trying to communicate to come to joint decision making?

Yes, obviously, when someone posts an anonymous question you only have one side of the story. But if you respond to it by presuming sexist stereotypes about their behavior in general based on their gender, then you're not really engaged in an honest attempt to understand the situation.

My dh is the same way. He somehow thinks it's acceptable to not respond when I talk. I don't have any advice. I just get pissed off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FLIPSIDE

DH: I'm thinking maybe the Brewers should go after Craig Kimbrel he's a pretty good closer.
OP: silence
DH: What do you think?
OP: silence
DH: Honey - did you hear me? Should Milwaukee go after Craig Kimbrel since Corey Knebel is gonna need season-ending Tommy John surgery?
OP: silence
DH: (grouchy now) Honey? Are you listening? What do you think?
OP: OK
DH: What does that mean? Yes or no? Should they go after Craig Kimbrel? Or do you think they'll be okay with just Josh Hader?

I love this

OP, you probably just talk too much all the time and he’s exhausted.

That's so completely sexist. OP is trying to make PRACTICAL ARRANGEMENTS for childcare, and her DH is ignoring her. That's not "talking too much," but nice job with the sexist tropes.

DP - what's sexist is to believe OP's side of the relationship dynamic. what if she is like this on everything - from the absolute mundane to important issues. After a while, the partner just tunes out as there is only so much band with anyone has to listen to a constant series of questions. what if she poses these questions regularly, and rarely, if ever, agrees with or accepts any of his choices/answers.

you presume too much based on very little information.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this the only issue or does he do other disrespectful things? This is a basic respect thing. If he really can’t understand how bothersome this is I would ask him to go to counseling.

Op here. Yes, thank you, it is a basic respect thing. He does other things that are disrespectful but none as blatant or crazy making as this. The other things are more absent minded professor type things that annoy me but I can live with.

My guess is that this is a melding of the absent-minded professor thing that makes him legitimately harder to get his attention, and a deliberate pattern of not wanting to expend the mental energy to attend to the tasks of parenting and running a household. In other words, he wanted you to handle all of dinner and bedtime, so he just opted (consciously or unconsciously) not to hear you, because his wish was for it to all just go away and for you to handle it.

Listen to me friend: GET THERAPY. Your resentment and anger will increase exponentially if you continue down this road.

Ok and here's an additional practical tip. People do have different communication styles when it comes to collaboration. Some people like to think out loud collaboratively to air out their thought process before making a decision. Other people prefer to come to the table with their proposal already thought out. If you go to your DH and tell him the outcome of your thinking, instead of trying to think through the options out loud with him, that might be more successful.

Next time, try just telling him what you've already decided you want: "DH I am taking DS to the park and then out to dinner. You can come with us with the baby, or take care of the baby at home until we get back at 7:30. See you later!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this the only issue or does he do other disrespectful things? This is a basic respect thing. If he really can’t understand how bothersome this is I would ask him to go to counseling.

Op here. Yes, thank you, it is a basic respect thing. He does other things that are disrespectful but none as blatant or crazy making as this. The other things are more absent minded professor type things that annoy me but I can live with.

My guess is that this is a melding of the absent-minded professor thing that makes him legitimately harder to get his attention, and a deliberate pattern of not wanting to expend the mental energy to attend to the tasks of parenting and running a household. In other words, he wanted you to handle all of dinner and bedtime, so he just opted (consciously or unconsciously) not to hear you, because his wish was for it to all just go away and for you to handle it.

Listen to me friend: GET THERAPY. Your resentment and anger will increase exponentially if you continue down this road.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FLIPSIDE

DH: I'm thinking maybe the Brewers should go after Craig Kimbrel he's a pretty good closer.
OP: silence
DH: What do you think?
OP: silence
DH: Honey - did you hear me? Should Milwaukee go after Craig Kimbrel since Corey Knebel is gonna need season-ending Tommy John surgery?
OP: silence
DH: (grouchy now) Honey? Are you listening? What do you think?
OP: OK
DH: What does that mean? Yes or no? Should they go after Craig Kimbrel? Or do you think they'll be okay with just Josh Hader?

I love this

OP, you probably just talk too much all the time and he’s exhausted.

That's so completely sexist. OP is trying to make PRACTICAL ARRANGEMENTS for childcare, and her DH is ignoring her. That's not "talking too much," but nice job with the sexist tropes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A couple of thoughts. Don't walk up to him and start talking. Some people need time to disengage from their thoughts.

Also, why do you need affirmation of every plan? Just go to the park. Be more independent and you may get more attention.

Agreed. I would probably zone out too if DH had to involve me in every single decision he made. It would be exhausting and annoying.

Op here. We have a baby and a toddler. I’m not going to just go and leave for the park. That’s rude. Similarly, I would expect if DH is going to leave the house with one of our children that he would talk to me about it. This is not a lack of independence, it’s basic respect.

I didn't suggest leaving the house without telling him. "We're going to the park. Bye!" Don't wait for acknowledgement, don't repeat. You can also text him.

Op here. Again we have a baby and toddler. I’m not going to just walk out the door with one of our children and send him a text. I need to know he’s on board to handle the baby while I take the toddler if he’s going to stay home. Or if they want to come with us, we will probably just get dinner out since it was so close to dinner time, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FLIPSIDE

DH: I'm thinking maybe the Brewers should go after Craig Kimbrel he's a pretty good closer.
OP: silence
DH: What do you think?
OP: silence
DH: Honey - did you hear me? Should Milwaukee go after Craig Kimbrel since Corey Knebel is gonna need season-ending Tommy John surgery?
OP: silence
DH: (grouchy now) Honey? Are you listening? What do you think?
OP: OK
DH: What does that mean? Yes or no? Should they go after Craig Kimbrel? Or do you think they'll be okay with just Josh Hader?

This is idiotic. One thing is trying to make a family plan. The other thing is dealing with specific knowledge of a sport and its players. In both instances, however, silence becomes rude.

How is it idiotic if in both instances silence is rude?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A couple of thoughts. Don't walk up to him and start talking. Some people need time to disengage from their thoughts.

Also, why do you need affirmation of every plan? Just go to the park. Be more independent and you may get more attention.

Agreed. I would probably zone out too if DH had to involve me in every single decision he made. It would be exhausting and annoying.

Op here. We have a baby and a toddler. I’m not going to just go and leave for the park. That’s rude. Similarly, I would expect if DH is going to leave the house with one of our children that he would talk to me about it. This is not a lack of independence, it’s basic respect.

I didn't suggest leaving the house without telling him. "We're going to the park. Bye!" Don't wait for acknowledgement, don't repeat. You can also text him.

Anonymous wrote:FLIPSIDE

DH: I'm thinking maybe the Brewers should go after Craig Kimbrel he's a pretty good closer.
OP: silence
DH: What do you think?
OP: silence
DH: Honey - did you hear me? Should Milwaukee go after Craig Kimbrel since Corey Knebel is gonna need season-ending Tommy John surgery?
OP: silence
DH: (grouchy now) Honey? Are you listening? What do you think?
OP: OK
DH: What does that mean? Yes or no? Should they go after Craig Kimbrel? Or do you think they'll be okay with just Josh Hader?

This is idiotic. One thing is trying to make a family plan. The other thing is dealing with specific knowledge of a sport and its players. In both instances, however, silence becomes rude.

My nearly 70 year old father has become this way recently. He's becoming a very grumpy old man who gets annoyed at every little thing and it's his way of being passive aggressive. He thinks everyone else is stupid and his way of showing his disdain for you is to act like everything you say is trivial and unimportant. It's definitely a depression/problem with aging thing.

Your husband is obviously much younger but could he going through something that's making him unusually irritable?

Anonymous wrote:FLIPSIDE

DH: I'm thinking maybe the Brewers should go after Craig Kimbrel he's a pretty good closer.
OP: silence
DH: What do you think?
OP: silence
DH: Honey - did you hear me? Should Milwaukee go after Craig Kimbrel since Corey Knebel is gonna need season-ending Tommy John surgery?
OP: silence
DH: (grouchy now) Honey? Are you listening? What do you think?
OP: OK
DH: What does that mean? Yes or no? Should they go after Craig Kimbrel? Or do you think they'll be okay with just Josh Hader?

I love this

OP, you probably just talk too much all the time and he’s exhausted.

Just say were going to the park. Stop talking so much.

FLIPSIDE

DH: I'm thinking maybe the Brewers should go after Craig Kimbrel he's a pretty good closer.
OP: silence
DH: What do you think?
OP: silence
DH: Honey - did you hear me? Should Milwaukee go after Craig Kimbrel since Corey Knebel is gonna need season-ending Tommy John surgery?
OP: silence
DH: (grouchy now) Honey? Are you listening? What do you think?
OP: OK
DH: What does that mean? Yes or no? Should they go after Craig Kimbrel? Or do you think they'll be okay with just Josh Hader?