Anonymous wrote:So the takeaway is if you are not beautiful you can't be a good parent?

No, if you're not beautiful you can't be a good MOTHER. Clearly.

Seriously, this is such a sad way to think. My mom was not beautiful. She was, however, smart and warm and wise and gave me great advice on dating and life, and it never occurred to me that such advice required that she herself look like a model. She demonstrated being comfortable in your own skin, and valuing yourself based on yourself, not on your looks or any external role.

And Betty Draper is the worst model of a good mother. She was unhappy, self-centered, and thought that a woman's only worth was her looks, which she should use to get a man to take care of her. She saw herself as having value only in relation to men. She was distant, critical, and cold to her daughter. She cared only about the appearance of things.

So the takeaway is if you are not beautiful you can't be a good parent?

Anonymous wrote:Welp, you’re about to f*ck up your daughters.

I don't think so. Pretty people get more advantages in life. It sucks, but it's true.

I'm still jealous that I got my dad's genes and my sister got my mom's genes. She and my mom are both gorgeous and I've seen how people treat them vs. me.

Betty Draper was a totally sh*tty mom, and I think you really misinterpreted that scene.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't compare yourself to a fictional character.

Are you married? Do you have a loving relationship with your dh? Our children learn from our example.

Even the character got fat.

And she was stifled. And miserable. And had a shitty relationship with her kids. And got cancer.

Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't compare yourself to a fictional character.

Are you married? Do you have a loving relationship with your dh? Our children learn from our example.

Even the character got fat.

Op, I feel you. In other words, I wish I had placed enough attention on me to leave a better example for my daughter. I, like you, am going to change this. Good luck Op.

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with how OP feels. OP, google Anne Barone Chic and Slim on amazon. Not always the best writer but distilla the French approach to all of this. They pass this stuff mother to daughter. Everyone starts somewhere. You don’t need a shrink, to be scolded by people here etc. Claim your beauty and be your wise, kind and loving self. Both things are possible.

Thank you for saying this to Op. dcum is such no place for a woman to be true to herself. Sad truth.

I haven’t read the thread, but I think there’s a difference between teaching your daughters about beauty and teaching them the importance of self confidence and self care.

I think outer beauty has no bearing. If you are a crappy parent nothing else matters. Better to be a good parent and ugly, than a crappy parent and Angelina Jolie.

OP, how do you know you were ever beautiful to begin with?

Also, I was raised by a mother who is very concerned with looking nice and won't leave the house without makeup. Her indoctrination didn't take and I have never, ever worn makeup on a regular basis and although I am thin and stay in shape (good genes, plus I enjoy working out for health/stress relieving benefits) over all i don't put much effort in. I am far more concerned about demonstrating things like kindness and intellectual curiosity for my child and in fact I consider my mother kind of shallow. So.

You don't have to be perfect in order to have wise and loving conversations with your daughter.

Please don't pass on perfectionism. There is no more burdensome legacy than that. And please don't "check out" of mothering her and having close guiding conversations because you feel depressed about yourself. That's another burden she doesn't need.

Anonymous wrote:I've been getting a little out of shape lately. I've been looking a bit frumpy and older lately. I need to turn it around.

I was just watching "Mad Men," and there's this sweet scene where Betty is talking about first kisses with little Sally. And Sally is just soaking in all these wise and beautiful thoughts on love and womanhood from her beautiful mother. I teared up because I need to be a beautiful mom to my daughters. I need to be a pretty mom they can be proud of and who can teach them about love.

I'm just disappointed in myself for letting go of things I honestly think I could have held on to. Parts of my femininity that I just...let go of. I don't feel like myself.

God Bless America.

The most important thing I hope to teach my daughters is that being beautiful is not the price of being a woman in public.

They don't owe anything to anyone, let alone whatever pain/starvation OP is hoping her daughter adopts.

There is nothing wrong with how OP feels. OP, google Anne Barone Chic and Slim on amazon. Not always the best writer but distilla the French approach to all of this. They pass this stuff mother to daughter. Everyone starts somewhere. You don’t need a shrink, to be scolded by people here etc. Claim your beauty and be your wise, kind and loving self. Both things are possible.