DS #1 broke us in and by the time DS #2 came along we were working well as a parenting team and pretty much had it down. Ours were 2 1/2 years apart so we had our hands full with a newborn and a 2 year old, don't get me wrong. But by that point we were already used to having all of our time and attention going to our child......we sort of knew not to really expect any free time, lol.

Honestly, I think the first baby is the huge adjustment. Nothing quite prepares you for how much your life is going to change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#1 was the most difficult for us. He was our most difficult child plus adjusting to parenting life wasn't easy for us. #2 and #3 were a joy. You're already in it so it's just more of the same in my mind.

This seems the most logical to me... going from 0 kids to 1 kid is a HUGE life-altering shift. I don't understand how people can say going from 1 to 2 is harder...

+1 (mom of four)

Same here for me. My kids are 19 months apart and while it was hard in the beginning it was nowhere near as hard as going from 0-1. DH and I were 31 when we had our first and man it was freaking hard! We had just moved out to the suburbs and that was a huge adjustment. Throw in a kid and bam! there goes your hanging with friends/happy hours/going out on the weekends and all of your free time. We obviously knew that was going to happen but its a huge lifestyle adjustment nonetheless.

Kid 2 just meshed into our life and we kept on going.

This is coming from a working mom and a DH who is in big law. So we are super busy and have a hectic life but kid #2 did not break us (thankfully!)

I do think it all comes down to temperament of parents (can you deal with the chaos of kids in general?) and children (are they super hard or super chill?).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#1 was the most difficult for us. He was our most difficult child plus adjusting to parenting life wasn't easy for us. #2 and #3 were a joy. You're already in it so it's just more of the same in my mind.

This seems the most logical to me... going from 0 kids to 1 kid is a HUGE life-altering shift. I don't understand how people can say going from 1 to 2 is harder...

+1 (mom of four)

Number 1 was so hard for us. It was a huge adjustment. We had literally never argued before in 5 years of marriage and 2 years of dating, and we argued all the time after baby. It was tough. And he was also a very difficult baby (much better now as a 5 year old).

So number 2, in comparison, was much easier even though she was also not an easy baby. But we knew what we were doing as parents, we weren't afraid we were going to break her, we knew that the awful sleep issues would eventually end (sadly much later than with our first kid!), etc. So there was no negative impact on our marriage. In fact, if anything it was a positive, because we'd gone through secondary infertility and I had a rough pregnancy so once she was here, that huge source of stress was lifted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#1 was the most difficult for us. He was our most difficult child plus adjusting to parenting life wasn't easy for us. #2 and #3 were a joy. You're already in it so it's just more of the same in my mind.

This seems the most logical to me... going from 0 kids to 1 kid is a HUGE life-altering shift. I don't understand how people can say going from 1 to 2 is harder...

How many kids do you have? Do you remember how “easy” life was with just one?
I agree that #1 was the biggest change in our lives, but with one we still had breaks, we took turns, etc. When the second (and now third) arrived there was no break until the second turned 2/2.5. Our second was also a much more difficult baby than the first, but either way the work seemed to triple instead of double. So yes, I agree that the change from 1 to 2 does not change your life, but it is SO MUC MORE work

Agree with some PPs that it depends on a lot of factors - one of which is how hard/easy your transition from 0 to 1 was. For us, the transition from 0 to 1 was very hard. Our transition from 1 to 2 was 1000 times easier. It's definitely more work than having 1 and I'm more tired and have less patience. But it's still nothing like the adjustment from 0 to 1 for us. BUT, everyone is different. Some people have easy transitions from 0 to 1 and then find 1 to 2 hard. I think it depends on your children's temperaments, your relationship, what else you have going on in your lives, etc., etc. Also, for us, our expectations were aligned by the time #2 came - we knew what we were in for. Just go into it knowing there may be some bumps (because there are always bumps somewhere in parenthood) and deal with them as they come.

No marriage issues with either. We just work together like partners. I will say though that I had problems drinking too much after #2 was born. I just felt stressed and hated my postpartum body. I'm 9 months pp now and everything feels back to normal. #2 just hangs out with us and works well with our family. We talk about having a 3rd a lot.

I’ll chime in. First let me say that we had a very difficult time with our first baby. Horrible hospital experience, feeding, sleep - nothing came naturally. I also had severe thrush and I was constantly exhausted. On top of that we were buying a house - it was hell. I daydreamed about getting divorced all the time. I think the only reason I didn’t pull the trigger is because I was too tired.

Second baby was so easy. When we were driving him home from the hospital it felt as if he had always been here. Breastfeeding was easy, sleep was normal and it was a sweet time for our family.

I generally think that people who have a hard time after a second child, had a super easy first baby. We went into it planning that the first year would be absolutely horrible. We braced for Armageddon and were pleasantly surprised with ... well, a baby.

I had two under two and it was an extremely difficult year, DH and I fought more than we ever had before but we never came close to divorce.

DC1 was fairly easy and didn’t really change much for us. Of course we had less free time but overall pretty smooth sailing. DH has always been an equal coparent. Of course it was physically harder on me but he was great and supportive.

DC2 is a total joy, but having two all of a sudden life became much more difficult. We have to go easy on each other.