Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here / the first two kids were from my first marriage - this third and now maybe fourth the my second marriage - so it is blended family - all are doing well so far and I just wonder about the complexity —- I am still nursing the youngest so haven’t had much recovery time and babies would be very close together in age ...

So you thought you couldn’t get pregnant while you were nursing even though we all heard differently in health class? Got it.

Depending on the age of OP they may not have even talked about nursing during health class. That wasn’t a thing when I was born, I was a formula baby of the 70’s. And it wasn’t a thing when I had health class in middle school.

We had a pregnancy scare and for a brief period of time I was worried about a 3rd. I think if I had been pregnant I would have gone thru with it if DH was onboard even though I was worried about my health carrying a pregnancy in my early 40’s and my youngest was already 10. Back when we were dating when I asked now DH his stance on a theoretical unplanned pregnancy, he said while it would be my choice, if I accidentally got pregnant he would want the pregnancy to go forward - I assume he felt the same way almost 20 years later after having two kids. I always felt like if I financially and emotionally could make it work, I would go forward with an unplanned pregnancy. But if I thought it would break the marriage or I couldn’t afford to feed the kids I already had, I wouldn’t go forward with the pregnancy. Since I was coming from a place of a happy marriage, DH fully involved in all childcare, and financially secure so I felt like I could commit to a 3rd unplanned pregnancy.

As far as having two kids close in age, we have that. It was absolutely crazy in the beginning, almost like having twins. Now that they are older, it’s great. I can’t even tell you how many people it turns out have kids 15 or 18 months apart and it felt like most of them were reassuring me that it would be okay one day and how tight they are with that sibling growing up and later as adults.

I meant to say I think two or four is better than three. I also felt left out and like the third wheel

Anonymous wrote:Op here / the first two kids were from my first marriage - this third and now maybe fourth the my second marriage - so it is blended family - all are doing well so far and I just wonder about the complexity —- I am still nursing the youngest so haven’t had much recovery time and babies would be very close together in age ...

Oh - other than the work that they are so close together - the fact you have two siblings that are full and one that is half makes me think having the fourth is a good idea. I'm the youngest of three full sisters and I think two or four is better than four. I think it would be good for the third to have a full sibling.

OP, how is your marriage now?

Anonymous wrote:I've had an abortion and I don't think you should have one. You're just too conflicted about it. It's one of those things that if you're not 100% committed, you need to default to not doing it.

I'm not saying abortions are always easy decisions or that mine was, it's such a complicated issue.

Do you think you should bring a kid into the world in the same way? Serious question.

Op here / the first two kids were from my first marriage - this third and now maybe fourth the my second marriage - so it is blended family - all are doing well so far and I just wonder about the complexity —- I am still nursing the youngest so haven’t had much recovery time and babies would be very close together in age ...

I've had an abortion and I don't think you should have one. You're just too conflicted about it. It's one of those things that if you're not 100% committed, you need to default to not doing it.

I'm not saying abortions are always easy decisions or that mine was, it's such a complicated issue.

We would keep the baby and be stressed out for a few years but I would imagine barring major special needs we would be happy to have the fourth kid, especially in old age, around the holidays, etc.

I know several families who had an oops fourth. All kept their babies and seem to be managing just fine. All those babies are healthy and developing normally.
I guess you should factor in how you would feel if your kid ended up being special needs (not a learning disability, I'm talking major developmental delay or health issues).

I feel like there's something you aren't tell us here OP. Do you have a good marriage or a rocky marriage?

Because that will influence the answers. Assuming we don't get caught in a DCUM abortion debate.

Anonymous wrote:Op again- I should mention that my DH has not pressured me to have an abortion , he says he wants whatever I want, and whatever will keep us together as a family unit...

Whatever will keep you together as a family unit What is that mean.

Anonymous wrote:Yes I don’t want to have to make a decision - is honestly rather not have another child but even though I am pro choice I don’t know that I can bring myself to have an abortion in my own case....

So you are personally pro-life but don't want another kid?

Of course no one is going to say they regret their kid. Break up marriage, go into bankruptcy - what terrible person would say they shouldn't have done it? COGNITIVE DISSONANCE

Op again- I should mention that my DH has not pressured me to have an abortion , he says he wants whatever I want, and whatever will keep us together as a family unit...