Anonymous wrote:This is all pretty interesting. I understand the prioritizing involved - i really do - but I think it's crappy to not go to a wedding solely because it's inconvenient (NOT because of an actual lack of finances or childcare) now that you have kids.

I am married and have one child. My best friend is single and kid-free. She has gone to every bachelorette party, every wedding, all over the place, for her friends for years. If she were to get married soon and many of those friends didn't come solely because of the inconvenience or not wanting to be away from their kids for the weekend, I think that would be crappy.

They she should invite kids to the wedding!

We usually get one child-free long weekend a year where my mom watches the kids. If the wedding is some place cool, I would attend and stay a few days extra. But I am not going to St Louis or Lincoln Nebraska. Sorry.

I LOVE kid-free events, and I'm from the NYC area where almost all weddings are kid-free affairs with lots of food and have an open bar. However, for us, it comes down to expense.

Additionally, over the years, I have spent thousands attending out of state weddings that didn't work out. So, therefore I no longer view a wedding as something I want to spend a bunch of money on, especially when the couple gets divorced within five years. If it is a local wedding for a close friend, sure. If it is an out of town wedding for a close friend, we usually "send a delegate". I'm not hiring a weekend sitter to go to a wedding.

For what it is worth, I never understood the whole "just make a weekend out of it!" argument. I don't want to spend my vacation time and money, both of which are finite resources, attending a wedding. If I'm going to invest the time and money to enjoy a weekend away with my spouse, we are going to do exactly what we want to do. But all that is kind of a hypothetical anyway, as we no longer have someone to watch our kids for a weekend (grandparents in ill health).

Anonymous wrote:This is all pretty interesting. I understand the prioritizing involved - i really do - but I think it's crappy to not go to a wedding solely because it's inconvenient (NOT because of an actual lack of finances or childcare) now that you have kids.

I am married and have one child. My best friend is single and kid-free. She has gone to every bachelorette party, every wedding, all over the place, for her friends for years. If she were to get married soon and many of those friends didn't come solely because of the inconvenience or not wanting to be away from their kids for the weekend, I think that would be crappy.

Absolutely. The last people to get married in the friends group generally get screwed. That’s why I try so hard to make the effort even when it’s not convenient. Friendship is a two-way Street.

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

I'm an introvert (and work full-time) and just had a girls' weekend in Vegas with my sister and cousin. It was a blast. I'm glad my children know that mommy and/or daddy can go away for a few days, and it is fine. My sister/cousins know me and if I went back to the room to rest or down to the spa for a hot tub session by myself for some alone time while they kept shopping, it was no big deal. We ate at great restaurants, saw Celine, had a BLAST. Meanwhile, my kids had fun with Daddy and went hiking, had pizza for dinner one night and cleaned up the house to make it special for me when I got home.

I was a camp counselor and had a few girls in their tweens and late teens who had never been away from their parents before, even for a weekend with grandparents. How do you think that went? You think they were secure, confident, well-adjusted girls?

This is all pretty interesting. I understand the prioritizing involved - i really do - but I think it's crappy to not go to a wedding solely because it's inconvenient (NOT because of an actual lack of finances or childcare) now that you have kids.

I am married and have one child. My best friend is single and kid-free. She has gone to every bachelorette party, every wedding, all over the place, for her friends for years. If she were to get married soon and many of those friends didn't come solely because of the inconvenience or not wanting to be away from their kids for the weekend, I think that would be crappy.

Anonymous wrote:I think that kids who are relatives of the bride and groom should be invited to the wedding ceremony because it is an important family event. Regarding the reception, that is less important but I would still prefer that kids can go.

We do not attend any weddings of relatives that do not include the children of all the relatives hecause that kind of wedding says possibly more about the bride and groom than about the potential guests.

I agree with this. My parents were both the youngest of large families and were older when they started having kids. So I had a lot of cousins who were at the age where they were gettin married during the years when I was a little kid and preteen. All of their weddings were kid friendly and they were so much fun.

A big plus, and something to think about, is that now that we are all adults, I can share in the memories of their weddings and it helps to make us all closer as a family, even though I’m quite a bit younger than some of my cousins. There was too big of an age difference for us to all play together as little kids, but we do have the shared memories of all the cousin weddings way back when.

Anonymous wrote:I think that kids who are relatives of the bride and groom should be invited to the wedding ceremony because it is an important family event. Regarding the reception, that is less important but I would still prefer that kids can go.

We do not attend any weddings of relatives that do not include the children of all the relatives hecause that kind of wedding says possibly more about the bride and groom than about the potential guests.

I don’t care about kids at weddings or not. But I think it’s pretty ironic that you will miss a family wedding because saying no kids is not family-oriented enough. Your attitude is pretty anti-family, no?

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

100% agree. And I bet the couple getting married showed up at their wedding.

I don’t disagree but just sharing that I think it’s somewhat comparing apples to oranges unless the couple now getting married already had kids when they attended the other wedding.

It’s really not though - that discounts the inconvenience, cost, etc. that childless people took on to come to that wedding. We all have things going on. I know we all like to think we are the busiest, but that implies your time is more valuable when you have kids and that’s really icky to me.

I don’t disagree with that general premise except in this case I feel it’s the topic of this thread (weddings when you have kids)

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

I'm the one you are criticizing for liking family time. I think it's the opposite of sad that I'm prioritizing the needs of my children above the needs of my old college roommate who I see once a year. It's practically the opposite of "can't see beyond myself". It's putting my kids ahead of casual friends.

I'm not criticizing you for liking family time, but you are obviously being defensive. When did we start talking about an old college roommate who you see once a year? Keep changing the goal posts if you need to in order to make your argument stronger.

DP. It sounds like you are the one being defensive...? Also yes most weddings people are invited to are old college roommates, etc., in my experience. You just sound like you think PP was implying you’re a bad mom for going to weddings. I think you need to relax and understand other people’s social lives are different than yours. I doubt this poster would miss her sister/best fruend’s wedding just to be home with her kids.

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

I'm the one you are criticizing for liking family time. I think it's the opposite of sad that I'm prioritizing the needs of my children above the needs of my old college roommate who I see once a year. It's practically the opposite of "can't see beyond myself". It's putting my kids ahead of casual friends.

I'm not criticizing you for liking family time, but you are obviously being defensive. When did we start talking about an old college roommate who you see once a year? Keep changing the goal posts if you need to in order to make your argument stronger.

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

I'm the one you are criticizing for liking family time. I think it's the opposite of sad that I'm prioritizing the needs of my children above the needs of my old college roommate who I see once a year. It's practically the opposite of "can't see beyond myself". It's putting my kids ahead of casual friends.

I Hess if you don’t want to HAVE any friends and have your life be all about your kids, that’s fine. But I have friends I’ve known way longer than kids have been alive and I feel it’s jmoirtant to make the effort.

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

DP. A girls' weekend is fun and worth it. A wedding is not.

I think that kids who are relatives of the bride and groom should be invited to the wedding ceremony because it is an important family event. Regarding the reception, that is less important but I would still prefer that kids can go.

We do not attend any weddings of relatives that do not include the children of all the relatives hecause that kind of wedding says possibly more about the bride and groom than about the potential guests.

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Anonymous wrote:If it’s an out of town weddin we (almost) categorically wouldn’t go. Weekends are family time and going out of town for the weekend might mean that we go 12 days without really spending quality time with our kids together (rushed weeknight dinners followed by bathtime doesn’t count).

So you never do anything on the weekend that's not 100% family time? You never go away for a girls' weekend? Your husband never goes away for a guys' weekend? Sad. And I say this as someone who works full time, as does my husband.

NP. I don’t think it’s “sad” at all. I think it’s nice that she’s prioritizing time with her young children. Plus a lot of people don’t even like girls/guys weekends. They’re kind of a thing for extroverts with lots of disposable income.

Actually I'm an introvert. And I do think it's sad that people can't see beyond themselves and make time for their friends. Getting married is a big deal, and it's crappy to not even try to go.

100% agree. And I bet the couple getting married showed up at their wedding.

I don’t disagree but just sharing that I think it’s somewhat comparing apples to oranges unless the couple now getting married already had kids when they attended the other wedding.

It’s really not though - that discounts the inconvenience, cost, etc. that childless people took on to come to that wedding. We all have things going on. I know we all like to think we are the busiest, but that implies your time is more valuable when you have kids and that’s really icky to me.