Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's controlling and emotionally abusive. Do you have family and/or friends in the area?

No. I have absolutely no one here. It's also not easy to make friends here because the majority of the population where I live isn't American. We live in the US but it feels like another country. It's all immigrants.

DP.. I was with you until this statement. Why can't you make friends with immigrants?

Get a job. Maybe you will get to know more immigrants and become friends with them.

I'm thinking your husband feels that since you aren't working at all, you don't get to have any money spent on non essentials. That's controlling, but, I have to say, your statement above turned me off, and I probably wouldn't be friends with you either.

--signed an immigrant who is "Americanized"

Op here. My husband is an immigrant. I have tons of immigrant friends. You would have to live here to truly understand. They’re nice to me but I will never truly fit in with them/ their culture. They’re not Americanized.

Where is “here”?

Where are you located?

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have a WiFi problem, you have a spouse problem. He’s either hopelessly cheap or hopelessly controlling. Unfortunately I think it’s the latter because he’s accusing you of “being addicted”.

Why do women marry these people and procreate with them? I don’t get it. This can’t be the first sign.

Marry, procreate, and then give up all independence by ditching their jobs. No idea why people are so foolish. Are they desperate? No self worth? Daddy issues?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP there is more here that you're not telling us. Impossible to give helpful advice because there are details we don't know.

Is he just being cheap? Is he always like this? Is he totally clueless in other areas?
What is your communication like in general?

Op here. I have explained to him that not having the internet is too isolating for me. It means that I also cannot watch tv at all. I have made it obvious that using internet in the lobby is not working for me but he simply doesn't care. He also gets upset if I use his phone to check my email because I do not have internet access on mine! Every morning and evening he sits on the sofa staring at his phone. It's like he's blind to what he has become. I pay for my own cell phone service because he's too cheap to add me onto his iPhone plan. He's has the latest iPhone.

How do you pay for your phone if you’re a SAHM? I’m confused about how you guys structure finances.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have tons of immigrant friends but none that live anywhere near you?

Yes because the city I live in now is not diverse. It's almost 100 percent Latino. My husband is not Latino. My parents were immigrants. I don't have issues with immigrants. They're nice and fun people to be around but I don't know if I will truly fit in here. They have big familes here. It's really hard to explain. I really will have to try hard to find friends here. I have friends from Europe, middle east, south asian, African etc that I met when I lived in DC. The city I live in now is also very boring and extremely spread out. There's not much to do. It's a low income area.

PP here: Sorry just saw this update. Ok I get it. Immigrant communities can sometimes yes have large families and large circles of friends and they have everything set up already and if you don't speak the language how do you socialise. I think you need to move and start working out a plan for what you want to do with your life.

If you are at the stage of getting internet connection and are too scared to share that with your husband then what is your marriage giving you. It doesn't sound very good. I would tell your husband about the internet connection and if he demands you get rid of it I would be seriously thinking of leaving the marriage. Something is really really off if you can't have internet at home because your husband has it on his phone but won't allow you to have it. This isn't good. Take care of yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's controlling and emotionally abusive. Do you have family and/or friends in the area?

No. I have absolutely no one here. It's also not easy to make friends here because the majority of the population where I live isn't American. We live in the US but it feels like another country. It's all immigrants.

DP.. I was with you until this statement. Why can't you make friends with immigrants?

Get a job. Maybe you will get to know more immigrants and become friends with them.

I'm thinking your husband feels that since you aren't working at all, you don't get to have any money spent on non essentials. That's controlling, but, I have to say, your statement above turned me off, and I probably wouldn't be friends with you either.

--signed an immigrant who is "Americanized"

You need the internet. Your husband sounds controlling and there are some pretty big red flags you need to address if he refuses to pay for internet.

If you don't like the area you are living in perhaps you need to move. I'm not sure why you can't make friends with immigrants, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume they speak in other languages and you find it hard to connect. If it's because you don't like immigrants then that's extremely off putting to me.

I think you really need to think hard about where you want your life to go. Is your husband caring at all? If you have a child and need to look up doctors phone numbers or even just other child caring related matters like tips for better sleeping, you can't be walking down to the lobby whilst your child is sleeping. This isn't going to work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Again, with what money do you pay your own cell phone bill? Are the immigrants that you live around of the same culture as your husband? And you are American?

I have small ways of making money each month but it's only a few hundred per month. Yes I am American.

Where is he from?

There are many details we don’t know. But from what we know your relationship is looking like a disaster. I’m sorry, OP.
I’ve seen a few American friends marry immigrants who became controlling and abusive.

First, call your family. Parents? Siblings? They know way more details than we do. Tell them the WHOLE story, don’t hold back. They can give you advice.
Then, find a therapist or counselor. Save $100 a month and use it for a counselor if you have to.

You need real help from real people who care aboiug you. Get help. Be honest.

Anonymous wrote:So he has wifi at work and a smartphone to access the internet at home and you don’t because “you are addicted”? Time to make a plan to return to work. This man is trying to control you and it will only get worse.

+100!!!!

Anonymous wrote:Again, with what money do you pay your own cell phone bill? Are the immigrants that you live around of the same culture as your husband? And you are American?

I have small ways of making money each month but it's only a few hundred per month. Yes I am American.

Anonymous wrote:You have tons of immigrant friends but none that live anywhere near you?

Yes because the city I live in now is not diverse. It's almost 100 percent Latino. My husband is not Latino. My parents were immigrants. I don't have issues with immigrants. They're nice and fun people to be around but I don't know if I will truly fit in here. They have big familes here. It's really hard to explain. I really will have to try hard to find friends here. I have friends from Europe, middle east, south asian, African etc that I met when I lived in DC. The city I live in now is also very boring and extremely spread out. There's not much to do. It's a low income area.

Get a smartphone with a data plan. Why haven’t you already done this?

You have tons of immigrant friends but none that live anywhere near you?

Again, with what money do you pay your own cell phone bill? Are the immigrants that you live around of the same culture as your husband? And you are American?

Anonymous wrote:He sounds really controlling.

& stupidly selfish. Put your foot down hard, OP. Who put him in charge of your basic needs ? No way you put up with that.

Please consider consulting a divorce lawyer.

He cannot keep you isolated. That is domestic abuse. He's not your father, he's your husband and what's his is yours too. He can't punish you.

You don't ask, you get what you want and need. If he doesn't like it he can leave. Stand up for yourself.