Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:40     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
Yeah, I just can't feel bad for this woman. It all comes down to choices. And how you deal with the cards you are dealt- that's how the winners are separated from the losers.

Years ago one of my best friends was living in Manhattan, working at an average paying job that she could get literally anywhere in the US, and constantly bitching about. how expensive it was. I said - so leave. She went on at length about. how she never could, the theatre, the restaurants, the entertainment, the art, etc.! And I said - but you never go any of those places. You can’t afford it. And I come to NY once or twice a year, and do all that.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:35     Subject: Re:This is what class rage feels like
Kind of damned if you are and damned if you are not. If you act rich and snobby because you have wealth you are rich and snobby. In this case the author is complaining about people being down to earth and wanting to hang with her and not flaunting their wealth and then being enraged when finding out they are rich. Silly.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:33     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
Anonymous wrote:But SHE choice literally the lowest paying field there is! I applied for publishing jobs when I first moved to NYC after college, and the pay was astoundingly low -- lower than temping, lower than the nonprofit job I ended up taking. I think one of the hiring managers expressly told me that the jobs were INTENDED for people with parental help.

That has always been the standard for publishing in New York. Get a low pay, high prestige job so that you can marry a highly paid man.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:33     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is definitely how I feel when I find out people have significant parental help in the form of house down payments (or full purchase price), tuition, completed 529’s, free trips to Hawaii, etc. It’s all very hush hush because they want it to seem like they aren’t getting that much help.


I'm not trying to seem like my father didn't pay for most things I had. I just ... don't really talk about money at all, either way. If you are scraping by and ONLY want to be friends with people who are also scraping by, then you need to find a way to say that. Otherwise, if you're cool, I'm going to try to be friends with you. I have friends who are a part-time bartender, a social worker, a paralegal, a tech chick, general counsel of a company, etc. I'll be friends with anyone whose personality I like. And yes, if that means we meet up to go for a walk because you can't afford anything until payday, then I'm cool with that. Or if you want to grab a slice of pizza and can't afford the fancy Italian restaurant, I'm fine with a slice.

But I shouldn't have to feel bad about what I was given. I work hard, I appreciate what I have, I donate. And I will raise my children to do the same. While yes, giving them the gift of not having to worry about money.


If you are down to earth, that is one thing. If you are expecting to live high on the hog and have your IL's sustain that lifestyle for you (have to have a certain car, for example), that is hard to respect - especially if you bad mouth your ILs.


What does down to earth mean to you? My money comes from the trust funds that earlier generations set up for me. From my family. DH has his own trusts. The only thing my in-laws bought us is a condo in their city, which DH and I are both from, because they wanted us to be able to stay there more often so they'd get more time with our kids. Dh and I buy cars ourselves. And I've never badmouthed my in-laws - it almost seems like you're confusing me with someone else...?


I’m always surprised (and jealous) that so many people on DCUM have trust funds. I don’t know anyone IRL that has a trust fund.


You know what? It's entirely possible that you do, and just don't know it. I've never talked with any of my friends about it.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:29     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
This is what class warfare is- little people sniping at each other over who has more.

The system is broken. People will adapt and take advantage of a broken system, but the problem is not the people, it is still the system.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:29     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
I’m kind if LOLing at all the people in this thread saying the article is stupid. Because normally there is a LOT of class rage on this web site as a whole.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:28     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is definitely how I feel when I find out people have significant parental help in the form of house down payments (or full purchase price), tuition, completed 529’s, free trips to Hawaii, etc. It’s all very hush hush because they want it to seem like they aren’t getting that much help.


I'm not trying to seem like my father didn't pay for most things I had. I just ... don't really talk about money at all, either way. If you are scraping by and ONLY want to be friends with people who are also scraping by, then you need to find a way to say that. Otherwise, if you're cool, I'm going to try to be friends with you. I have friends who are a part-time bartender, a social worker, a paralegal, a tech chick, general counsel of a company, etc. I'll be friends with anyone whose personality I like. And yes, if that means we meet up to go for a walk because you can't afford anything until payday, then I'm cool with that. Or if you want to grab a slice of pizza and can't afford the fancy Italian restaurant, I'm fine with a slice.

But I shouldn't have to feel bad about what I was given. I work hard, I appreciate what I have, I donate. And I will raise my children to do the same. While yes, giving them the gift of not having to worry about money.


If you are down to earth, that is one thing. If you are expecting to live high on the hog and have your IL's sustain that lifestyle for you (have to have a certain car, for example), that is hard to respect - especially if you bad mouth your ILs.


What does down to earth mean to you? My money comes from the trust funds that earlier generations set up for me. From my family. DH has his own trusts. The only thing my in-laws bought us is a condo in their city, which DH and I are both from, because they wanted us to be able to stay there more often so they'd get more time with our kids. Dh and I buy cars ourselves. And I've never badmouthed my in-laws - it almost seems like you're confusing me with someone else...?


I’m always surprised (and jealous) that so many people on DCUM have trust funds. I don’t know anyone IRL that has a trust fund.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:26     Subject: Re:This is what class rage feels like
I have a friend who is like this. She genuinely dislikes and distrusts people who grew up with more money than she did or who make more money than she and her husband do now. She grew up solidly middle class and is now upper middle class, but there’s still a chip on her shoulder.

I am certain she thinks our HHI is less than theirs. It’s actually more than twice as much but we would never let her find that out.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:25     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
Anonymous wrote:But SHE choice literally the lowest paying field there is! I applied for publishing jobs when I first moved to NYC after college, and the pay was astoundingly low -- lower than temping, lower than the nonprofit job I ended up taking. I think one of the hiring managers expressly told me that the jobs were INTENDED for people with parental help.


Yeah that was my reaction - it seems like she actually did have grad school / career choices and this is what she chose.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:22     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can totally relate to the first half of the story. I understand what she is saying in the rest.

I feel envy at those who can comfortably send their kids to private. I felt envy (near rage) when having worked for 13 years each in professional careers (26 years could be someone’s entire career), we were struggling to buy an entry level crappy house in Arlington Mclean or Vienna. I had started off earning six figures, mostly did those 13 years, but could not believe how difficult it was to afford that house (after taxes daycare expenses what not).

I have seen what the author describes. People who are able to hang in there, develop and ultimately get some success in industries or careers that are not a real choice unless someone can heavily subsidize them the first 10-20 years (such as in the arts).

I just wanted to say that we don’t talk about things in that article or class issues often enough or open enough.



It’s like Hill staffers. Parents subsidize them until they become lobbyists.


But if you have half a brain, you don’t become a hill staffer unless your family has $$$. Certain fields are luxury goods. Plan accordingly.


A lot of good people don’t realize this. They aren’t dumb, just a little naive.


How?! I am from a tiny town at the epicenter of the opioid crisis in Ohio. I swear I practically fell off the turnip truck. But it was pretty easy to figure out the $ jobs that would match with my skills.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:20     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
Anonymous wrote:I’m the PP with the SAHM neighbor. She is very opinionated on why she just couldn’t be happy with anything less than a BMW.


She seems like the exception, but I think both your neighbor and the writer seem extremely entitled and spoiled.

I was in the writer's situation, and I sure as hell did not think anyone OWED me anything.

The point is, some people simply do NOT know what sacrifice is.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:18     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can totally relate to the first half of the story. I understand what she is saying in the rest.

I feel envy at those who can comfortably send their kids to private. I felt envy (near rage) when having worked for 13 years each in professional careers (26 years could be someone’s entire career), we were struggling to buy an entry level crappy house in Arlington Mclean or Vienna. I had started off earning six figures, mostly did those 13 years, but could not believe how difficult it was to afford that house (after taxes daycare expenses what not).

I have seen what the author describes. People who are able to hang in there, develop and ultimately get some success in industries or careers that are not a real choice unless someone can heavily subsidize them the first 10-20 years (such as in the arts).

I just wanted to say that we don’t talk about things in that article or class issues often enough or open enough.



It’s like Hill staffers. Parents subsidize them until they become lobbyists.


But if you have half a brain, you don’t become a hill staffer unless your family has $$$. Certain fields are luxury goods. Plan accordingly.


A lot of good people don’t realize this. They aren’t dumb, just a little naive.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:18     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
Anonymous wrote:She is ridiculous. I didn’t grow up with money. But I knew I wanted a certain lifestyle. So I went in to a high paying field. And made a good salary and met my spouse who was in a similar high paying field. I didn’t follow my dream or passion. I did what would yield the most $. People make different choices. Some are born lucky. Some make a ton of money being in the right place at the right time. Some people work really really hard. I am happy to pay my taxes and support a strong safety net. But her class rage is totally ridiculous.


I think it’s great you were fortunate enough to be aware of what would make a lot of money and what wouldn’t. I shared your dreams and had no idea my field would be among the lower paying. I thought everyone is corporate America made good money. Turns out only certain departments make the big bucks. I was also told i wouldn’t need a masters degree to advance and guess what? 7 years later, All leadership positions require a masters degree.

I work really hard with little yield and thought I was doing what I needed to do, but I’ve crrtainly learned what to teach my kids.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:16     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I can totally relate to the first half of the story. I understand what she is saying in the rest.

I feel envy at those who can comfortably send their kids to private. I felt envy (near rage) when having worked for 13 years each in professional careers (26 years could be someone’s entire career), we were struggling to buy an entry level crappy house in Arlington Mclean or Vienna. I had started off earning six figures, mostly did those 13 years, but could not believe how difficult it was to afford that house (after taxes daycare expenses what not).

I have seen what the author describes. People who are able to hang in there, develop and ultimately get some success in industries or careers that are not a real choice unless someone can heavily subsidize them the first 10-20 years (such as in the arts).

I just wanted to say that we don’t talk about things in that article or class issues often enough or open enough.



It’s like Hill staffers. Parents subsidize them until they become lobbyists.


But if you have half a brain, you don’t become a hill staffer unless your family has $$$. Certain fields are luxury goods. Plan accordingly.
Anonymous
Post 03/13/2019 18:14     Subject: This is what class rage feels like
Anonymous wrote:I can totally relate to the first half of the story. I understand what she is saying in the rest.

I feel envy at those who can comfortably send their kids to private. I felt envy (near rage) when having worked for 13 years each in professional careers (26 years could be someone’s entire career), we were struggling to buy an entry level crappy house in Arlington Mclean or Vienna. I had started off earning six figures, mostly did those 13 years, but could not believe how difficult it was to afford that house (after taxes daycare expenses what not).

I have seen what the author describes. People who are able to hang in there, develop and ultimately get some success in industries or careers that are not a real choice unless someone can heavily subsidize them the first 10-20 years (such as in the arts).

I just wanted to say that we don’t talk about things in that article or class issues often enough or open enough.



It’s like Hill staffers. Parents subsidize them until they become lobbyists.