Another working mom here and I don’t get some of the PPs obsession with “what would you do all day, wouldn’t you be bored, that’s no way to live a life, etc.”

Are you all really SO boring that you couldn’t figure out how to meaningfully fill your day if you didn’t have a job?

I don’t understand some people’s obsession with work. I’m an attorney, but that is one small part of my identity. If we get to a point where it makes financial sense and makes our lives easier, I could definitely be satisfied with a 15~ year career and then I’d do other things.

I’d get more laundry/chores done during the week. I know after doing the dual income thing for a while DH would be happy to not have to do as much around the house. I’d likely volunteer a few hours a week (maybe pro bono legal work, helping out in my kids’ classrooms, etc). I’d work out more, maybe even train for a marathon!

I have a whole list of books I’d love to have more time to read and hobbies I wish I had more time for.

If you want to brag about how your life only has meaning because of your job, go right ahead, but you’re not impressing anyone the way you think you are.

Anonymous wrote:Funny you should post this as I've been thinking the same thing. DC is starting Kindergarten, and I thought (several years ago) that at this point I'd be looking to ramp up at work, rather than scale back (or even leave the workforce). DH's career is on an upward trajectory. He makes a lot more money than he did a few years ago but he also works more hours and has less flexibility (there was never a lot, but now there's basically none). I don't see this changing. He's never going to split the snow days and sick days, be at home to deal with the home repair contractors, etc. He's never going to help with meals and housework when he's working long hours at the office and then coming home and working more after DC goes to bed. I also see that the elementary years entail a lot of driving to activities after school and on the weekends. It was easier when DC was younger as she never had anywhere to be in the evenings and we would hang out at home most of the time on the weekends. Now it's run, run, run. All of this is on me, and it's hard to have a job and feel like I'm giving it much energy when there's just no time for downtime, exercise, etc. I'm sick of being stressed out, sometimes to the point that I've actually become really ill (like illnesses that take months to recover from). DH makes good money and I have family money. So we don't need the money and it's hard to keep this up when I don't even really have the intrinsic motivation to give much energy at work. Why not just try to enjoy my life?

Then go for it. I just recommend making sure it is less of a gut decision and that you sit down and work out the details a bit in advance.

I would love to not work. I don't hate cleaning the house but it is not my favorite thing to do. I would like to make nicer meals. I would like to do more for charities and DS school. I can totally see the desire to stay at home.

This is not feasible for us. We both make a good living but losing one salary, and I make more then DH, would dramatically effect our lifestyle. We wouldn't be able to travel and do some of the nicer things that we do. DH's time in the work force would be massively pushed back.

Right now we are lucky to have jobs that are very flexible and we have one kid so we can handle all of DS activities while both working and handle sick days and snow days. It does mean that I am a bit more tired and drained then I would like to be. And we have nice meals, on the days that DS has no activities, and we out source the house hold cleaning (once every two weeks).

Strangely enough, I am not certain that my husband feels the same way. I have joked about winning the lottery and not working and he looks at me like I am crazy. I have no problem filling in my days (tennis, gym, cleaning, errands, volunteering) in my imaginary non-working world. Heck, book clubs at the local tea shop.

But I don't dislike my job or my life. I am pretty content with it. I know that I am lucky to have a job that pays well and is flexible. I love that I get to take care of my DS after he comes home from school. I wouldn't want to put the additional pressure on my husband or give up the vacations and nice dinners out and the like. And I know that I will be retiring earlier then normal because of the money we are tucking away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what would you do with your time? after a few months, wouldn't it get boring?

Working mom here. I can't quit because we need the money so I have no dog in this fight.

But, I don't get this question. Don't you have hobbies and things you like to do? School is only 6 hours during the day. It's not really that much time to fill, especially if you have to fill some of it running errands and cleaning. I've always been jealous of the women I see doing 2 back to back classes at the gym and then going in the sauna or getting a message. I never have time for that. I'm always running and trying to squeeze things in.

Working parent here. Yeah, it’s 6 hours. I would almost do anything for 6 free hours a day. Seriously. I should have married a rich man!

I mean, I could fill it with hobbies, netflix etc.... don't know if that's the way to live though

This is exactly it. I could find stuff to fill the time, but doubt I'd feel intellectually / professionally fulfilled. That said, that's not important to everyone (not trolling).

Funny you should post this as I've been thinking the same thing. DC is starting Kindergarten, and I thought (several years ago) that at this point I'd be looking to ramp up at work, rather than scale back (or even leave the workforce). DH's career is on an upward trajectory. He makes a lot more money than he did a few years ago but he also works more hours and has less flexibility (there was never a lot, but now there's basically none). I don't see this changing. He's never going to split the snow days and sick days, be at home to deal with the home repair contractors, etc. He's never going to help with meals and housework when he's working long hours at the office and then coming home and working more after DC goes to bed. I also see that the elementary years entail a lot of driving to activities after school and on the weekends. It was easier when DC was younger as she never had anywhere to be in the evenings and we would hang out at home most of the time on the weekends. Now it's run, run, run. All of this is on me, and it's hard to have a job and feel like I'm giving it much energy when there's just no time for downtime, exercise, etc. I'm sick of being stressed out, sometimes to the point that I've actually become really ill (like illnesses that take months to recover from). DH makes good money and I have family money. So we don't need the money and it's hard to keep this up when I don't even really have the intrinsic motivation to give much energy at work. Why not just try to enjoy my life?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, I think it's pretty rare for people to LOVE their jobs so much that they wouldn't quit if they suddenly came into a lot of money. Such as winning the lotto or DH getting a seven figure gig.

I'm sure there are people out there who genuinely love their work but I think it's pretty rare on average.

This is a good point - I'm the PP above who said that I like my career and that's why it would be hard to walk away. I should clarify that to me I was envisioning myself having the exact same life - here in DC, same friends, everyone I know works, etc. - while watching my peers excel in their career and that it would be hard. But I should clarify that if we ACTUALLY won the lottery and, like, my husband could stop working and we moved to some paradise and spent all of our free time traveling, I'd give up my career in an instant! I just think that's a slightly different situation than staying home in the same town with the same life, just with less money and more free time. KWIM?

Just curious, what do you do?

What does anyone here do? Politics

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds very lazy to quit working to stay at home once your children don't require childcare during the day because they're in school. Is that your actual plan? I don't know anyone who does/did that.

Serious question, how do you handle sick days and snow days? I also work part-time like the pp. Just this morning my dd woke up with pinkeye. We have no family in the area, and dh’s job is fairly inflexible. I don’t know how we’d manage if I also had an inflexible position.

NP. I would have a job with this level of inflexibility and would hope my partner didn't either. Does your husband not have sick days? We generally trade off taking sick days. Snow days I'm supposed to work from home, so basically I'm not as productive because there's a toddler who needs attention. I have been honest with my boss that this is what happens. She is fine with it since this happens like 4 time a year and I am very productive al the other days of the year.

Same.

Also, what magical land do you live in that "local family" would handle all sick and snow days? I would never ask my 70-something parents to drive in snow and/or expose themselves to myriad illnesses unless I *really* needed the help. This idea that extended family are a work-life panacea just doesn't hold water. Even if they live close, it presumes a level of health, temperament, and availability that many extended family just don't have. I certainly don't.

Great, you have a flexible job and don't need local family. Some people have inflexible jobs and family that can help. Different families have different circumstances. Yippee.

My kids are only 4 and 2 now but I've started planting the seeds for me to stay home when the kids reach school-age, or at least cutting WAY back. I really like my job and I make good money, so it would be a big adjustment but I hope I can do it. I know I would be a terrible SAHM now with my kids all day so I don't do it currently and we're socking away as much as possible. We have an amazing nanny and we outsource a lot - cleaning, meal delivery, etc and I still feel overwhelmed with house things and kids in the evenings and weekends. Both DH and I have long commutes and I even WFH 2 days/week, but it's still a whirlwind.

When they're in school, I could be a much better "housewife" and I actually enjoy cooking and cleaning! I could also volunteer and I won't miss any school or sport events. We're so busy now, with a 2 and 4 YO, I know it's just going to get worse when you factor in sports and other "big kid" things.

I was SAHM w/ a 10-hr a week job until my youngest started K.

It was nice for about six month -- I caught up on house projects, got to the gym regularly - but it got kind of lonely and I decided to go back to work FT. Fortunately, it didn't take me long to find something FT, at the same level as when I quit, with flexible hours and the ability to WAH as needed. I think if my kids were doing intensive activities I might have been more hesitant to go back or if they went to a school with a culture of a lot of parent volunteering. But, our ES was really oriented to working parents -- all events in the evening, little call for parent volunteers, and even all the sports teams didn't start practices before 5:30. So, that made my working really easy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds very lazy to quit working to stay at home once your children don't require childcare during the day because they're in school. Is that your actual plan? I don't know anyone who does/did that.

Serious question, how do you handle sick days and snow days? I also work part-time like the pp. Just this morning my dd woke up with pinkeye. We have no family in the area, and dh’s job is fairly inflexible. I don’t know how we’d manage if I also had an inflexible position.

NP. I would have a job with this level of inflexibility and would hope my partner didn't either. Does your husband not have sick days? We generally trade off taking sick days. Snow days I'm supposed to work from home, so basically I'm not as productive because there's a toddler who needs attention. I have been honest with my boss that this is what happens. She is fine with it since this happens like 4 time a year and I am very productive al the other days of the year.

Same.

Also, what magical land do you live in that "local family" would handle all sick and snow days? I would never ask my 70-something parents to drive in snow and/or expose themselves to myriad illnesses unless I *really* needed the help. This idea that extended family are a work-life panacea just doesn't hold water. Even if they live close, it presumes a level of health, temperament, and availability that many extended family just don't have. I certainly don't.

I daydream about this. Honestly, having kids in school is so much harder to keep up with than full time daycare. Right now I'm used to drop off at 7:30, pick up at 5:00, and no weather or holiday or teacher work closures. I see coworkers with elementary age kids and it's awful - they have to juggle their schedules so much. They have to account for before and after care, and all of the random holidays and closures.

Next year when my oldest is in Kindergarten, I will most likely ask for a reduced schedule so that I can be home before and after school starts. I do not think we can afford me quitting my job, but I could afford to cut back, and I think it would be worth the decrease in stress.

OP, go for it if you can afford it. I do not think you will be bored in any way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, I think it's pretty rare for people to LOVE their jobs so much that they wouldn't quit if they suddenly came into a lot of money. Such as winning the lotto or DH getting a seven figure gig.

I'm sure there are people out there who genuinely love their work but I think it's pretty rare on average.

This is a good point - I'm the PP above who said that I like my career and that's why it would be hard to walk away. I should clarify that to me I was envisioning myself having the exact same life - here in DC, same friends, everyone I know works, etc. - while watching my peers excel in their career and that it would be hard. But I should clarify that if we ACTUALLY won the lottery and, like, my husband could stop working and we moved to some paradise and spent all of our free time traveling, I'd give up my career in an instant! I just think that's a slightly different situation than staying home in the same town with the same life, just with less money and more free time. KWIM?

Just curious, what do you do?

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, I think it's pretty rare for people to LOVE their jobs so much that they wouldn't quit if they suddenly came into a lot of money. Such as winning the lotto or DH getting a seven figure gig.

I'm sure there are people out there who genuinely love their work but I think it's pretty rare on average.

This is a good point - I'm the PP above who said that I like my career and that's why it would be hard to walk away. I should clarify that to me I was envisioning myself having the exact same life - here in DC, same friends, everyone I know works, etc. - while watching my peers excel in their career and that it would be hard. But I should clarify that if we ACTUALLY won the lottery and, like, my husband could stop working and we moved to some paradise and spent all of our free time traveling, I'd give up my career in an instant! I just think that's a slightly different situation than staying home in the same town with the same life, just with less money and more free time. KWIM?

OP I can totally relate, I think about this a lot too! I work outside the home with a 3 year old and a 6 month old (in daycare) and, while it's tough, I really don't want to stay home all day with them either.

But once they're in school? God yes it is tempting. With the free time I would work out, grocery shop and cook more for my family, do more tasks around the house rather than outsource them, garden, pick up a hobby, etc. It sounds perfect to me.

There are three reasons though why I don't think I'll ultimately end up doing this:

1) My salary is good, and if I stopped working it would be a pretty significant hit to our lifestyle. We'd have to leave the city, which we love, and travel less, which we also love. Maybe once we actually get to this point in life, which is a good 5+ years away, I'll run the numbers and we'll decide it makes sense but right now, losing 50% of our HHI would totally slice our lifestyle in half. Maybe we have to wait for all our student loans to be paid off, which is still another 7 years.

2) I am fortunate in that I do actually like my career. I don't like working 40-50 hour weeks, I don't like commuting every day, I don't like having no free time - but I do enjoy the work, keep up to date in my industry, have ambition to do more, etc. I worry that if I 'jumped out' I would miss it a lot and feel personally unsatisfied as I watched my former peers continue to excel and develop in their careers. This is actually an argument in favor of leaving the area altogether if we do this - I'd probably need a really fresh start to not feel like I was watching my old life pass me by.

3) My kids will be out of the house by the time I'm 50, and then what? H will still probably be working for another 10-15 years after that (maybe longer, since I will have stopped contributing to retirement). I feel like at that point I might really regret jumping out of the workforce and struggle to get back into it. And, again, the financial situation will be such that we won't be able to have as long and well-funded retirement as we will if I keep working this whole time.


It's totally still on my mind though and probably something I'll constantly re-evaluate as my kids get older. As my husband often says, I can do anything I want just not everything.

Anonymous wrote:I was reading the other threads on this topic and it reminded me that I'm curious about SAHMs of school aged kids.

I work full time but I'm not crazy about my job and we don't need the money. Every time I come home complaining about one of my co workers or the workload (upper management refuses to hire extra staff to lessen it), my DH says "why don't you quit and stay home with the kids?"

I didn't want to do this when they were little but now that they are both easier to manage and in school all day, I am tempted.

Has anyone else quit to stay home once their kids started school? What was it like? Were you bored or did you feel fulfilled?

I have to admit, being able to do whatever I want for six hours a day sounds sooo nice right now!

Also I shouldn't h ave to say this but I obviously do: please no trolling. If you can't think of anything nice to say, just don't say anything at all.

If you are financially in a place where you can do it why not leave your current job and see how it goes at home. See how you feel about not working at one month, three months, and six months. If you feel like you are missing something, look for jobs that you might be interested in and that fit your life style and apply for them. Or look into volunteering. I have started helping with my DS Cub Scout Pack and there is a ton that can be done. I am sure there is a good amount you could do at your kids schools. Or do you have a charity that is important to you that you can volunteer for?

I would have a serious conversation with your DH before taking this step. Work out a very specific budget and asks yourselves if this is something that you can really afford to do and live how you want to live.

I say this only because it might feel like you don't need the money, I have no idea who you are so I can't honestly comment on that, but what happens if your DH gets sick or loses his job? Are you ok for a while?

My Dad made a lot of money and Mom stayed at home with us. It was a good life, we had a nice house, lived in a great community, took some nice vacations. Mom and Dad saved for retirement and for us to go to college. My Dad feel ill when I was in high school, my younger brother was in a private junior high, and my older siblings were in college. I don't think Dad held a full time job for more then 6 months after he was well enough to go back to work, and that took about 5 years.

Mom ended up going back to work. They sold the house that they had lived in as soon as my younger brother graduated from high school and moved into a town home. They are fine, Dad really did make a ton and saved a lot for retirement. They didn't have to dip into any of that because Mom went back to work. But Mom went from SAHM to full time working after 20 years out of the job market. She ended up working for 20 years after that. She worked at jobs that she really liked but I am not so sure that she was working because she loved it or because she was worried about their finances.

Your leaving work will be a transition for the family. Outside of the loss of money, it does put more pressure on your husband to provide a pay check. It does mean that you will be seen as more responsible for all things at the home. It is a shift and there is nothing wrong with the shift but it is more then just the lost of a pay check.