Anonymous wrote:OP has stated that her relative can't handle it if she gets rid of or donates the stuff, so the only option OP has is to keep on refusing the stuff.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing you can do to help her overcome hoarding. She needs professional help. So the question is, "What approach works best for you as far as dealing with her stuff?"

If she offers you stuff, tell her you don't have room and will throw out anything she gives your family. "Goodwill won't accept it. If you sneak it into the car somehow, I will throw it out when we get home."

She sneaks, then asks, "How did you like it?"

You, "I threw it out, just as I said I would."

Her: Wailing and keening.

You: "I told you that's what I'd do. I did it. Would you like to talk about something else, or should I hang up/go for a walk? I'm done talking about this."

I agree with all of this.

I think that since you sound like a nice person who loves her, you have one more very explicit conversation about this with her.

1) You will accept 1 birthday gift and 1 holiday gift per child per year. Anything beyond that is either getting dumped or donated, immediately.
2) If she sneaks items into your children's backpacks and tells them not to tell you, she no longer has access to your children, period. Anyone who encourages a child to lie to their parents is untrustworthy.
3) You will not help her to donate things. You need to remove yourself from this situation entirely.

She will be upset about this, but that doesn't change the reality that the above is the right approach.

Anonymous wrote:OP - here. I think I'll take the advice to just keep saying no thank you or to add that we will take it to Goodwill.

I can't take it and then send it to Goodwill without lots of drama following.

She has a big aversion to throwing anything out or giving it to Goodwill. She doesn't want anyone that she doesn't know to "score a deal" off her. She is difficult about giving to charity because she always to over value things significantly to feel that she isn't a taking a complete loss.

If I accept something , she will ask about where it is often and view it as a big favor so basically any crazy thing that she wants gets embedded with and I gave XYZ that was so lovely. If I slip and say that we donated it she will get upset and go on and on how other relatives would have wanted it (completely untrue of course). She's in her late 50s not elderly so this isn't about needing to help an elderly relative who will be passing soon.

She's just really, really strange. Its almost like obsessive opportunism. She doesn't hoard animals or trash and she seems to want to give things to relatives so its not as if she can't part with the junk. I think she is fueled more by getting a great deal and attaching strings to her junk give away gifts.

Anonymous wrote:So my aunt is crazy frugal yet not a minimalist. She hoards and is constantly acquiring stuff at garage sales or when someone posts something free on next door. She is being forced to downsize because she basically built her storage on someone else's property. We have been clear that we are happy to help her take things to goodwill or dispose of items to another charity. I have told her multiple times that we do not want any of these things, I have said that we do not need anything. I have said that we are reducing our own clutter. I have told her that our kids are picky about their things and neither need or want anything. Many. Many. Times.

Last trip home from a family gathering, kids come home with broken appliances and box of broken electronics. Previously she had snuck old stuffed animals into their bags and told them not to tell their parents about them. The kids don't want these so once we are in the car they tell us. I have told her to stop doing this and basically I will need to start searching the car before we leave anywhere she is attending.

The latest is quite funny. She sends a text that she is still working on getting rid of things and found a bunch of bras and lounge wear outfits that are in great shape that she wants to give my daughter. It clearly occurs to her at some point while writing this that my DD is too skinny and would have no interest in these things so she adds that DD could bring them all to school and hand them out to her friends. Suffice to say that my teenage daughter was not interested in doing this.

This is followed in quick succession by more texts with pictures of ugly shoes that goes on and on about being so adorable and super expensive when she bought them. One pair has a price tag sticker in view for $17.99. I respond no thank you politely but I know that this will not be the end of this.

So my question is whether anyone had a good polite response to turning down junk. I'd like to have several canned responses ready for the next 10 times. Or better if you have a relative like this did you ever get them to stop trying to send junk to your house?

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing you can do to help her overcome hoarding. She needs professional help. So the question is, "What approach works best for you as far as dealing with her stuff?"

If she offers you stuff, tell her you don't have room and will throw out anything she gives your family. "Goodwill won't accept it. If you sneak it into the car somehow, I will throw it out when we get home."

She sneaks, then asks, "How did you like it?"

You, "I threw it out, just as I said I would."

Her: Wailing and keening.

You: "I told you that's what I'd do. I did it. Would you like to talk about something else, or should I hang up/go for a walk? I'm done talking about this."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like this. Take it and dump it. She will not listen to reason and she cannot make herself throw it away.

the downside to just taking it and dumping it.

you will continue to be given more and more stuff. which in an of its self is draining. which means it will only reinforce your aunts behavior. which means you'll continue to be given more and more stuff. you won't be stopping the circle of hell, only increasing the size of the circle.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is like this. Take it and dump it. She will not listen to reason and she cannot make herself throw it away.