Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg i has no idea how offensive this would be to some.
And I thought I was pretty good at figuring out all sorts of microaggressions!

It is pretty impressive how people reacted. I think the OP was coming from a good place and handled it all with grace. I don’t think it was anything then trying to do something nice for kids on her kids birthday. Some times we over reach.

Maybe she should bring pizza for lunch (ducks and runs)

I like the idea but not sure if parents won’t hate me for keeping their kids from their health organic homemade lunches haha
- OP

Anonymous wrote:OP my son is like yours - we're also doing a getaway and a playdate with one friend in lieu of a party - and I discourage you from bringing goody bags. My son partly doesn't want a party because he doesn't want to be in the center of a giant showy production: the bags would basically replace the party and that is NOT his preference. This kills me because I'm a maker and I LOVE DOING THIS STUFF but I'm an adult, and I've gotta do it for me and not for him...his birthday, his wishes.

Maybe calculate what you'd have spend on goody bags and help him invest it in the stock market and let him track it...if you really want to spend more $$$ to make it even.

Interesting, maybe that is why my son doesn’t want a party! He never had one at a venue. Always chose park/home.
I didn’t give him the getaway option before though... I needed the party to socialize with parents. But I am now in a different place in life and happy to avoid that.

OP my son is like yours - we're also doing a getaway and a playdate with one friend in lieu of a party - and I discourage you from bringing goody bags. My son partly doesn't want a party because he doesn't want to be in the center of a giant showy production: the bags would basically replace the party and that is NOT his preference. This kills me because I'm a maker and I LOVE DOING THIS STUFF but I'm an adult, and I've gotta do it for me and not for him...his birthday, his wishes.

Maybe calculate what you'd have spend on goody bags and help him invest it in the stock market and let him track it...if you really want to spend more $$$ to make it even.

Anonymous wrote:Omg i has no idea how offensive this would be to some.
And I thought I was pretty good at figuring out all sorts of microaggressions!

It is pretty impressive how people reacted. I think the OP was coming from a good place and handled it all with grace. I don’t think it was anything then trying to do something nice for kids on her kids birthday. Some times we over reach.

Maybe she should bring pizza for lunch (ducks and runs)

My child actually likes store bought cupcakes, the cheapest kind, the best. Then maybe it is what it should be!

Omg i has no idea how offensive this would be to some.
And I thought I was pretty good at figuring out all sorts of microaggressions!

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I don’t understand what is wrong with the idea?
Kids are allowed to bring treats for their birthdays. I believe they are handed out at the end of the day but I don’t really care when- they are allowed. How are goodie bags different?
I want to do this because we have been invited and went to several parties so I feel bad we won’t invite these people back.
My kid doesn’t want a party because, well, he just isn’t a very people person. I asked him if he wanted a bigger party at a venue, a small home party (1-3 friends) or a getaway at a hotel with a pool and jacuzzi. He chose the latter and this is honestly what I will enjoy the most so why not.

It’s not allowed at our school - check your handbook before going down this path.

Personally as a parent, I would dislike you for doing this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's a good idea to bring in a 5-10 dollar gift for every kid in the class.

Maybe for a younger kid in, say, an in-home daycare, but not a third grader.

Agree. A goody bag is like a thank you for coming to a party and bringing a gift. The idea of giving $5 to $10(!!!) gifts to all the kids in your third grader’s class because it is his birthday is totally weird. Are you trying to buy him some friends or something? I would find that so odd.

+1,000,000,000! Sounds like a weird idea to impress the other parents more than the kids. I would find this super off-putting and desperate.

Talk about an overreaction. People bring little toys to my second graders class on their birthdays all the time. Slap bracelets etc. This is just a little more expensive. I probably wouldn’t do it but I don’t think it’s a big deal at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's a good idea to bring in a 5-10 dollar gift for every kid in the class.

Maybe for a younger kid in, say, an in-home daycare, but not a third grader.

Agree. A goody bag is like a thank you for coming to a party and bringing a gift. The idea of giving $5 to $10(!!!) gifts to all the kids in your third grader’s class because it is his birthday is totally weird. Are you trying to buy him some friends or something? I would find that so odd.

+1,000,000,000! Sounds like a weird idea to impress the other parents more than the kids. I would find this super off-putting and desperate.

Op here, thanks, I will just bring the treats then. That’s even easier!

Parent of a third grade boy and just celebrate how your child wants withiut the extras. Not an opinion you asked for I know. Honestly I hate goodie bags. I don’t need/want more stuff around and those usually provide a few minutes of fun not worth the cost or waste. If you must do something in class, I far prefer an edible item so there is no “stuff”. My child is equally happy with something to eat. Also I think third grade seems to be towards the end of this stuff in elementary school? Meaning it’s a thing in younger grades but eventually fades away and we are getting to that point.

I agree with the PP of the BG twins about what 3rd graders will like.
However, my kids have summer birthdays so the class never gets invited to their parties -- meaning we don't reciprocate with a party. We do a food treat for their entire class on their half birthday as a way to reciprocate. I coordinate with the teacher beforehand and the class gets the birthday treat at snack time. It's easy, addresses your concern, and gets you out of the goodie bag problems.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I don’t understand what is wrong with the idea?
Kids are allowed to bring treats for their birthdays. I believe they are handed out at the end of the day but I don’t really care when- they are allowed. How are goodie bags different?
I want to do this because we have been invited and went to several parties so I feel bad we won’t invite these people back.
My kid doesn’t want a party because, well, he just isn’t a very people person. I asked him if he wanted a bigger party at a venue, a small home party (1-3 friends) or a getaway at a hotel with a pool and jacuzzi. He chose the latter and this is honestly what I will enjoy the most so why not.

Treats are different than goodie bags because of the scale of expense. Spending $5-10 for the class is a lot more accessible to people than spending $5-10 for each student.

You want to do this because your child has been to parties and you feel bad about not reciprocating. However, there is no social obligation to do so. Kids (and parents) understand that sometimes a kid won't have a party, will only celebrate with family, may have a small get together with friend(s), or with a large group. There is no expectation of quid pro quo. The closest thing to reciprocity is the idea that you can (with no requirement) bring in treats for the class.

If you feel bad about not throwing a large party, think about the kid whose family not only can't afford a party, but can't afford "cool goodie bags". If the expectation is a gift for each child in the class, that really puts the kids whose families struggle to get them even one gift in a bind.

Moreover, even though I could afford to throw my child parties (and did - although usually not the entire class, depending on my child's preferences), I usually took in a treat to school. I would not have minded at all if my child invited yours to a birthday party and you did not invite her in return. I would have deeply resented if because of the precedent you set I had to meet the expectation of giving a gift bag at the party AND gift bags for the class.

Just do the treat. Kids will be thrilled that they got a cupcake/donut/cookie. Nobody will even question that they didn't get a goodie bag (cool or otherwise) because nobody's done it before.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's a good idea to bring in a 5-10 dollar gift for every kid in the class.

Maybe for a younger kid in, say, an in-home daycare, but not a third grader.

Agree. A goody bag is like a thank you for coming to a party and bringing a gift. The idea of giving $5 to $10(!!!) gifts to all the kids in your third grader’s class because it is his birthday is totally weird. Are you trying to buy him some friends or something? I would find that so odd.

Op here, he only mentioned the treats (don’t remember goodie bags).
Yeah I will ask him and bring what he wants for the class.