White European Americans think they can beat biology, but others do not. My parents always talked to me about having a family and I had hormonal issues that made it clear I may have fertility problems. But because my parents were immigrants from a different culture, they were also willing to invest their own time and money in helping me when I had a baby during law school.

Anonymous wrote:
As a biologist, I wish more people understood that fertility peaks in your early 20s. Emphasis on early.

However, that is too young for many people to have a stable source of income without depending on a spouse, parents or the government. We should not encourage people to have kids they cannot support.

It's a case of biology vs. economics.

We are often still in graduate or professional school until our 30’s. If we had a system of country or state wide subsidized GOOD childcare and preschool maybe people would consider it. Otherwise it’s imposdible if you wish to continue your education.
People in other parts of the country that we know start having them right out of college at age 22 though. Good for them I guess.

Anonymous wrote:My father passed away at 48 due to cancer and I am so thankful he and my mother had us early. If I were to pass away at 48 my children would be so young.

I hope you support healthy, less-processed school lunches and stronger regulations on the chemicals and food additives that are banned everywhere else.

I remember my BFF's father had a 50th birthday party when we were 10. We thought he was so old. But we are now 45y and he is still driving, playing with his grandchildren, and volunteering. Whereas my mother, who had me at 26y, died when I was 35y (when my child was a toddler) from a stroke. You never know.

My children are now in middle school and their friend's parents are all in their mid40s-mid50s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I hope you support paid family leave and universal affordable childcare, and candidates that push for those policies.[/b]

I do, but in the past, everyone started having kids in their early 20's and none of these things existed.

But then a family could live on one salary and women weren't suppose to have careers outside their homes. We can't live on one salary anymore.

Yeah, it's a privilege thing. Plenty of people are still having children young, and there are significant trade-offs to doing that. You don't honestly thing it's in everyone's best interest to have children in their late teens/early 20s, do you?

Also: yearning for times past really does no one any good. There were a lot of lousy things about those time periods, and we've advanced in significant ways. Do what's best for your family, but at least acknowledge that other people are also doing their best, and that might look very different from yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you have young kids now and feel you are old and busted, you want all of society to avoid your mistake? There is something seriously wrong with your thinking. I definitely don’t want my DD having kids until she gets to enjoy her own life first.

Yeah but if everyone does this, then no one gets to know their grandkids and vice versa. And lots of adults in their 40s-50's end up losing their parents - my own parents were in their 60's when their parents started dying. You have to wonder whether it's worth the trade off. Isn't it really family and relationships that life is all about?

My life is not about my relationship with my grandparents.

Same. My life is about ME and my choices. Not what "society" encourages. I feel for people that think they have to follow these hidden rules.

You seem confused, your attitude is exactly what society is encouraging.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I hope you support paid family leave and universal affordable childcare, and candidates that push for those policies.[/b]

I do, but in the past, everyone started having kids in their early 20's and none of these things existed.

Because most jobs, including those that didn’t require a college degree, paid a livable wage and included good benefits so one spouse could support a family.

For what it’s worth OP, my parents had me in their 20s and I lost all 4 grandparents by the time I was 23. There are no guarantees in life.

This is true. Although it's important to point out that what is considered a middle class lifestyle was much different back in the 60's/70's than it is now. A modest house, 1 car, furniture you bought and kept for at least two decades, no or few home remodeling projects, vacations to family or camping or an amusement park...these were all a typical middle class family in that era really wanted.

The difference between wants and needs were much more distinct back then.

It's also so typical of this area. I had my first at 25 and was mistaken for the nanny. I had friends from college (in the South) who were already on their 2nd by 25..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you have young kids now and feel you are old and busted, you want all of society to avoid your mistake? There is something seriously wrong with your thinking. I definitely don’t want my DD having kids until she gets to enjoy her own life first.

Yeah but if everyone does this, then no one gets to know their grandkids and vice versa. And lots of adults in their 40s-50's end up losing their parents - my own parents were in their 60's when their parents started dying. You have to wonder whether it's worth the trade off. Isn't it really family and relationships that life is all about?

My life is not about my relationship with my grandparents.

Same. My life is about ME and my choices. Not what "society" encourages. I feel for people that think they have to follow these hidden rules.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you have young kids now and feel you are old and busted, you want all of society to avoid your mistake? There is something seriously wrong with your thinking. I definitely don’t want my DD having kids until she gets to enjoy her own life first.

Yeah but if everyone does this, then no one gets to know their grandkids and vice versa. And lots of adults in their 40s-50's end up losing their parents - my own parents were in their 60's when their parents started dying. You have to wonder whether it's worth the trade off. Isn't it really family and relationships that life is all about?

My life is not about my relationship with my grandparents.

It's also about not having your parents die when you're 40.

Unless you are close to family that will be able to provide a lot of help w/ childcare, it just isn't feasible or economically responsible for most people to have kids in their 20s. I had mine at 33-35. I do hope I'll live long enough to have time with any grandchildren, which is motivation to take care of my health.

With the need for a lot of grandparent help, having them early doesn't mean a carefree time in your 50s...my BIL/SIL had their first at 20 and then their oldest had a baby at 21. SIL was mostly at home, patching together different retail jobs through the years that her kids were young and had MIL to help babysit. Now SIL is spending her 40s-50s providing after school and summer childcare for three grandchildren. In my ideal life I'd love to have one day a week to babysit grandchildren and provide "grandma camp" for a couple weeks in the summer but that's a lot different than being 100% on duty every day year round.

I grew up thinking that having kids was a huge pain in the butt, and definitely not something to think about until way later in life. My parents encouraged achievement and kind of operated as if I'd never marry. I thought I didn't want kids at all and chose my career (grad school, location far from family, crazy hours) accordingly. I don't know what my life would be like if I had prioritized having children, but it would be very different.

I have one kid, and a stepped-back career, and I'm not unhappy. But I am pleased that my young DD says she wants to be a mommy (and an astronaut biologist artist) and I quietly encourage that. I make sure she doesn't feel that having kids is a drag. When she's older I hope to have some frank conversations about planning for life not just for career.

Well, when my parents were young adults, they were able to get their college degrees at reasonable cost from state schools, and weren't suffocated by loan repayments. Then, my dad was able to financially support our family with his job while my mother stayed home until we were school age. They also bough a home and an income property in this same time frame.

It's not so easy to do that these days. With what college (at a state school, mind you) cost me, I didn't finish paying off my student loans until age 31, by which time those payments had been overlapping with my kids daycare $$$ for a solid year.

It seems like there has always been a progression based on the technology/invention/economics - in colonial times people had kids at like, what, 16 yrs old, then with the introduction of "modern" conveniences it was more like 18 yrs iat the turn of the century, and then by the 20th it was in the early 20s.
Here we are into the 21st century and people are having their first kids at 40 yrs old.